Off! the Top of My Head

by Chad Armbruster

Do you ever get just completely apathetic and withdrawn from all matters concerning yourself and people around you? No, this isn't an advertisement for a new drug of choice whose side effects include (but are not limited to) exuberant vomiting and nose bleeds. It's that time of year for me when I become completely uninspired by everything. That's why usually, I'll skip a month or so of articles because I lack the inspiration and nagging persona that fuels these little 700+ word rants, maybe it's a lack of "stimulus" but if you write a lot you know that with out stimulus/drama/angst/ anger/etc. it's hard to find something to fill a page. But deadlines still arrive and in some cases pass.

So, what to complain about that would grip the reader's attention. The election? No, too political. Besides if you really wanted to hear about that just shift your gaze to the person closest to you. Open mouth and insert propaganda. (Try our new super sized fun time election meal sir; would you like a Mr. Caucus the Cactus toy for the kiddies? WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD FOR THE NON-POLITICALLY ORIENTED) Just remember it's not the election process that'll kill you it's the canadidates themselves. I'm all about the encouragement of exercising your right to vote, but the key is to vote for the person that does the most for you. Let's be honest here if you're for a tax cut you're going to vote accordingly in the hopes Santa will bring you what you voted for. Right? And for the most part that's the reality of the situation. It's more likely that Santa will bring you that year's subscription to Playboy than whoever you voted for giving you that tax cut. Maybe it's the horrible job market or the bad economy but I'm just not up for a bunch of rich guys trying to get my attention and having them lie to me about what they're going to do for me. A politician should be in the same position as those they represent. Wouldn't a poor person without a job work harder to improve the job market if he had been out of work for a year? Ok, so maybe it's a naive statement when it comes to politics, but hey I like it! And that's my propaganda and if you don't like it get your own column to spew your rants. Any questions? None? Good, moving on?

American Idol? What's wrong with these idiots?!?!? Enough said, well maybe not. Do any of these people even have hearing? Why would any person go before a panel of professional judges (if you can call them that) sounding like a dog in labor? It's not like I'm the king of musicians, nor do I have what would be considered relative pitch (or even relative talent) but even I can tell there bad. Some of these people look like they have been strongly influenced by "Pip's Up, Ho's Down." I have two suggestions for anyone wanting to try that for American Idol: 1) buy a full length mirror and look in it everyday before you go anywhere. 2) Don't! Just do the world a favor and DON'T' DO IT! Millions of people want to be a super-mega-ultra-fantastic star and do you want to know how you get there? You practice, you sing in crappy bars, you get a fan base and go from there. There is no quick fix for the on going problem of unsuperstar status.

So I know that article isn't really full of fun or insightful information nor is it award winning. But hey who asked for insightful anyway. And that's my time in this space. Until next month make yourself at home and don't drink out of the toilet.