Monitoring your kids on Facebook? That's so 2009

WASHINGTON -- After Friendster came Myspace. By the time Facebook dominated social media, parents had joined the party. The online scene has changed and these days even if you're friends with your own children on Facebook, it doesn't mean you know what they're doing.

Thousands of software programs offer new ways to chat and swap pictures. The most popular apps turn a humdrum snapshot into artistic photography or broadcast your location to friends in case they want to meet you.

Parents who want to keep up with the curve should stop thinking in terms of imposing time limits or banning social media services, which are stopgap measures. Experts say it's time to talk frankly to children about privacy controls and remind them how nothing in cyberspace ever really goes away, even when software companies promise it does.

"What sex education used to be, it's now the 'technology talk' we have to have with our kids," said Rebecca Levey, a mother of 10-year-old twin daughters who runs a 'tween' video review site called KidzVuz.com and blogs about technology and educations issues.

More than three-fourths of teenagers have a cellphone and use online social networking sites such as Facebook, according to the Pew Research Center's Internet and American Life Project. But Facebook for teens has become a bit like a school-sanctioned prom -- a rite of passage with plenty of adult chaperones -- while newer apps such as Snapchat and Kik Messenger are the much cooler after-party.

Facebook acknowledged in a recent regulatory filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission that it was losing younger users:

"We believe that some of our users, particularly our younger users, are aware of and actively engaging with other products and services similar to, or as a substitute for, Facebook," the company warned investors in February.

Educators say they have seen children using mobile devices to circulate videos of school drug searches and students sending nude images to girlfriends or boyfriends. Most parents, they say, have no idea.

Eileen Patterson, stay-at-home mom of eight children in Burke, Va., used to consider herself fairly tech savvy and frequently spends time on Facebook. She was shocked to learn her children could message their friends with just an iPod Touch mp3 player. She counts nine wireless devices in her home and has taken to shutting off her home's Wi-Fi after 9 p.m., but she describes her attempt to keep tabs on her children's online activity "a war I'm slowly losing every day."

"I find myself throwing up my hands every now and again," Patterson said. "Then I'll see something on TV or read an article in the paper about some horrible thing that happened to some poor child and their family, and then I try to be more vigilant."

Mobile apps refer to the software applications that can be downloaded to a mobile device through an online store such as Apple's iTunes.

Among the most popular mobile apps among children is Instagram, free software that can digitally enhance photos and post them to an account online. Kids on Instagram whose parents closely monitor their text messages, Facebook posts or emails can chat with their friends using the service. Their photos can be shared on other social media sites such as Facebook, which bought Instagram last year.

Snapchat is among the top 10 free iPhone apps available. Snapchat lets a user send a text, photo or video that purportedly self-destructs within 10 seconds of being opened -- or warns a user if the recipient takes steps to quickly capture it for posterity.

As with anything online, each service comes with caveats.

Snapchat acknowledges on its website that messages aren't guaranteed to disappear: Anyone receiving a text or photo can within 10 seconds capture a "screenshot," taking a photo of their device's screen, and save that image. Video can be downloaded, although Snapchat alerts senders when material is saved.

Instagram is considered tame as long as children adjust their privacy settings to limit who can see their photos and don't post nudity, which could subject them to child pornography laws. Levey said many parents don't know their children are using Instagram until there's trouble -- usually when children post inappropriate that begin to circulate among their social circles.

In the Ohio rape case involving two football players, social media added to the humiliation of the victim and helped prove her case. The defendants and their friends had recorded the attack and later joked about it on a video. The case didn't come to light until the girl read text messages among friends and saw a photo of herself naked.

According to the Federal Trade Commission, there are some 800,000 apps available through Apple and 700,000 apps on Google Play.

Parents often hand their children a mobile device without understanding exactly what it can do, said Dale Harkness, a technology director at Richmond-Burton Community High School in Richmond, Ill. He estimates that even without using social media services, the average high school student probably transmits some 150 texts a day.

"It's not anything that every parent and grandparent hasn't already seen," Harkness said. The problem, he adds, is that actions "get documented, replayed and sent around." He said that students "forget how fast it moves and how far it goes."

That was the case at Ridgewood High School in Ridgewood, N.J., where a male student allegedly took a screenshot of nude pictures sent to him by female classmates via Snapchat, then posted the pictures on Instagram. According to a letter to parents by the school district's superintendent that was later posted online, police warned students to delete any downloaded pictures or face criminal charges under child pornography laws.

There are general security concerns, too. F-Secure, a cybersecurity company, said some new social networking services have become targets for spreading malicious hacker software and propagating scams.

In January, the FBI arrested a man in Los Angeles, Karen "Gary" Kazaryan, 27, of Glendale, Calif., on charges that he hacked into hundreds of social media and email accounts, including Facebook and Skype, and found nude photos and personal passwords that women had stored online. He allegedly used the photos to try to coerce women into disrobing for him via Skype and threatened to post their private photos to their Facebook accounts if they refused to comply, according to the indictment.

Online services also routinely collect personal data, such as a person's birth date or the location of their phone, and they commonly share the information with third parties for marketing. While a new rule by the Federal Trade Commission this year is aimed at keeping advertisers from tracking children younger than 13, most social media services require that a user specify he is at least 13, exempting the account from the tougher privacy restrictions.

Rep. Ed Markey, D-Mass., co-chairman of a House caucus on privacy issues, said legislation should give children under 15 the right to delete photos or texts that wind up elsewhere online. The prospect, however, is unlikely in a Congress dominated by debates on federal spending and gun control, and raises practical questions about how such a law could be implemented or enforced.

"Nobody should be penalized for something they posted when they were 9 years old," Markey said.

Levey links her children' devices to her iTunes account so she's aware of programs they install. She also requires that her children make their accounts accessible to her and follow certain ground rules: protect your passwords, set privacy controls and never transmit inappropriate pictures or words.

A big hurdle for parents is overcoming the idea they are invading their children' privacy by monitoring online activity, she said. In fact, she said, it can be the kid's first lesson that hardly anything online is private, anyway.

"If they want privacy," she said, "they should write in a journal and hide it under their mattress."

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