Kill Your T.V.

by Jason Parker

With my third round of bootlegging copies of the Paris Hilton video for friends and co-workers too afraid to brave the new world of file sharing, I take this moment to remind you that pornography is bad. Which leads me to the question: Is it bad bedroom manners to answer your phone mid-coitus?

Like many great artists whose life work is not appreciated until death, the whole nation has finally gone carb counting-Atkins crazy. Those of you with undecided plans for the future might want to consider a career in coronary medicine. Nothing lubes up the old arteries the way bacon and eggs can. Quick - somebody start the class action suit now.

Bennifer.....oh, how I will never forget you Bennifer. Why, why, why? What will Mary Hart do now on Entertainment Tonight?

This weepy emo-punk-pop-rock trend has got me listening to The Smiths, the original emo-band. Good stuff though. Check them out. Morrisey is sooo emo. I would love to see them reunited.

VH1's Band's Reunited. Where is Labouche? I know the lead singer died in a fiery Bob Richards-like plane crash but why can't they attempt to reunite the remaining members? I feel that Labouche has influenced many of today's top performers like Eminem, Bow Wow, Nickelback etc. La Da Da Da Di Da Da Da. Bob Richards, best damn weatherman ever.

Most Extreme Challenge on Spike T.V. is the most stellar show since South Park. Enough said.

I hate email surveys that are meant to help you get to know your friends better. But I participate in them anyway. I guess I'm conflicted like that.

Candidate Dr. "Howie" D. What a douche. Thank goodness he's not a geography teacher.

Random streams of thought are a much better way to meet deadline than a diatribe on some worthless subject than no one really cares about.

Nyquil is addictive. But then again what isn't?

I haven't spoken to my father in 12 years but I still cash the $100 checks that he sends me every Christmas and birthday. I have to have my wife open the card every time though.

That is all I have to say. I've angered myself now. God bless you all.