'Gone Girl' cat-astrophe: Giving credit where credit is doo(doo)

The movie "Gone Girl" now is available from iTunes, and because I had a balance in my Apple account and no plans to spend it, I downloaded a copy.

I had already seen the movie at the theater, but because I was an extra, I wanted to see exactly how much I was visible no matter how inconsequential, and if we -- of the background artistry -- got any kind of credit.

One surprise I discovered while trolling the movie's credits was the cat, which played Nick and Amy's pet (Bleeker in the book), was not credited.

I think this is truly inexcusable.

That cat could act, yet director David Fincher chose to snub it in the credits. What cat would just sit on a kitchen counter while Mr. Fincher requested the actors do a scene 20 times, plus or minus five? I don't know whether this happened for a fact with the cat, but I do know that no scene I appeared in was performed fewer than 15 times and most were well north of that. Why should a scene with a cat be any different?

I suppose I could be unjustly blaming Fincher for not giving the cat credit. Maybe there was no actual cat used in the movie. Perhaps the cat acted so perfectly because it was CGI, a total electronic creation of bits and bytes, the only differences from a bloodthirsty T-Rex in "Jurassic Park" is that e-Bleeker is a lot smaller, cuter and much better behaved. Far fetched? Possibly, but there are six special effects companies and their couple hundred employees listed in the credits as working on "Gone Girl." They had to do something.

A CGI cat is the only explanation I can fathom as to why no cat or cat wrangler is listed in the credits. Practically everything and everyone else is listed.

For instance, there is the drapery foreman and, of course, you can't have a drapery foreman without an actual draper, can you? They are both credited, and, by golly, they did a great job. The drapes in the movie were truly spectacular, Oscar-worthy if you believe the buzz.

And then there is the standby painter. I do wonder, how does one get that job?

"OK, Phil, in case we kind of bang up this wall while shooting the scene, we want you to come over with this wet paint brush and dab out the mark. Otherwise, just stand over there. Oh, and, by the way, you'll get credit at the end of the movie, so you can put that on your resume and maybe, just maybe, you can become the standby painter on J.J. Abrams' next movie."

The one credit in "Gone Girl" that was truly perplexing was that of studio teacher. Huh? Did you see any children in the movie besides fleeting glimpses in a handful of scenes? Why was a teacher needed, and why the heck were they given a movie credit?

If I sound a touch bitter, it's because none of the approximately 1,400 area extras who populated the backgrounds of the movie were given any kind of credit. Not even the stand-ins for the ACK-tors, who ran through scenes for the camera and lighting crew to get the equipment set properly were given any kind of a nod. Some of them were on set for several weeks.

I don't know whether this is some Byzantine rule from the actors union that only speaking roles get credit in a movie, but if it is, I think it is quite dumb. It would cost almost nothing to add a list of the extras to this or any movie, and the studio would sell more copies when it was released on disk. Every Schmo who appeared in a production -- myself included -- would buy one or two or half-dozen copies, just to prove that "I was in a movie!"

I guess I learned my lesson regarding show biz. If I want to get credit the next time a major motion picture is shooting in this area, I have to think bigger than just being an extra.

I have to hone my craft and reach for the stars. You just watch! I swear that someday, my drapes will be Oscar-worthy.

Editor's note: For a listing of Brad's appearances in the film -- a total of 42 seconds -- visit semissourian.com/blogs/hollerbach/entry/60815/.

Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.