Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

News Of The Not

Posted Tuesday, May 17, 2011, at 12:00 AM

The CNN breaking news text alert that came across my phone yesterday was both literally and figuratively not news.

The alert was that billionaire Donald Trump was not running for President.

Really, CNN, that was news? Was The Donald ever serious about running? And did anyone actually think he even had a chance of winning if he did happen to throw his hat in the ring? I assumed from the start of the rumblings that Trump might run for President that it was just another narcissistic ploy to keep his name in the spot light.

Of course, I'm sure comedians everywhere were dismayed by this not news from CNN. Think of all the jokes that will now never be.

The Trumphouse.

Hairforce One.

Tonight on The Apprentice: Cabinet Edition watch Secretary of State Meatloaf take diplomatic relations to a whole new level!

Since news of nothing apparently is the new gold standard (Can you say Kardashian?), I offer the following to media outlets everywhere that are looking to fill some white space or avoid the happy talk that TV anchors use when they have to pad a newscast:

I, Brad Hollerbach, hereby announce that I am not going to run for President of the United States.

Yep, you heard it here first. I'm not going to run.

In addition, I vow not to run for president of any company or organization. I also promise not to run for any office of Vice-President, Secretary or Treasurer, any Senate or Representative seat, county office, city office, dogcatcher, or even the illustrious position of Grand Poobah.

I'm just not going to do any of those things.

Feel free to send out a text alert.

Comments

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when i was a kid , i learned there were two ways to get attention , by doing something good or by doing something bad . either way was effective...

-- Posted by Rick* on Tue, May 17, 2011, at 7:56 AM
I don't think you are as clear as William Tecumseh Sherman, who said, boiled down, "If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve."

Democratic Congressman Mo Udall campaigned for president in 1967. When asked if he would try again in 1984, he said, "If nominated, I shall run to Mexico. If elected, I shall fight extradition."

-- Posted by ksteinhoff on Tue, May 17, 2011, at 11:59 AM
Brad, so you're not running? That narrows the field considerably leaving very little choice. Anyway, anybody but Obama.

-- Posted by voyager on Wed, May 18, 2011, at 11:48 AM
if Trump would have won the Presidency , would he fly in Hairforce 1 ?

-- Posted by Rick* on Wed, May 18, 2011, at 12:30 PM

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