Monkeying With Man Land

There is a disturbance in Man Land and I don't like it.

The local Lowe's Home Improvement store is being re-set and things just aren't where I'm expecting them.

This is not good. This man doesn't like Man Land being monkeyed with. I only have the patience to learn the layout of a store once.

For instance, I feel that if three-inch square-head deck screws are located on aisle 15 on the left side slightly below eye level when a store first opens, then 50 years later I should be able to go to same store and find those same type of screws in the same place.

At least, that's the way it should be with my personal vision of Man Land.

But of course, I should know better. I've read articles about the Lowe's corporation and its retail strategy. They don't specifically cater to men. They actually go out of their way to appeal to women.

That probably explains the whole re-setting of the store. Women like stores to be re-set.

Take one old store that has had the same basic layout for 17 years. Flip around the contents of various departments under the guise of a re-set. Presto! You essentially have a new store. It's a completely fresh shopping experience.

And from what I've been able to deduce in the last 40 or so years of life, a lot of women like that type of thing. It's like a brand new puppy.

But this guy tends to like a good old reliable dog, one that is already housebroken and brings your slippers on command and will stay when you tell him to stay. Yes, puppies are cute, but then they might wee all over the place until they know better, and sometimes they chew your favorite slippers to pieces and they never seem to want to stay in the same place for very long.

That puppy will likely grow into a good old reliable dog, but there will be a lot of wee and chewed up slippers and frustration in the process.

And while some of you more regular readers might be puzzled by that analogy -- I don't have a dog, I have a cat -- I am no stranger to canine persuasion. We had several when I was growing up, I just don't have one now.

But besides that minor issue, the point is a lot of changes that retailers make in an effort to boost sales or re-invigorate a store are not desirable to this customer.

After Lowe's is re-set, I bet it will take me at least 6 months to figure out where everything has been moved.

It might even take longer if they decide to relocate the three-inch square-head deck screws.