Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

SEMO Fair Announces 2011 Ticket Policy, Entertainers

Posted Friday, September 17, 2010, at 12:00 AM

The Southeast Missouri District Fair Board announced a tentative new ticket policy in response to the uproar caused by the last-minute replacement of Country Singer Merle Haggard at this year's event with entertainers Ray Price and Mel Tillis.

"We're going generic," Jon Deere, the Director of Public Relations And Scat Removal for the fair said. "Rather than guarantee that a big name performer like Merle Haggard will be able to appear, we're just going to guarantee that ticket-holders will get to see a category of entertainment."

Deere explained that the board is considering selling tickets for "Big Country Performer" or "Loud Auto Event" instead of specific entertainment such as "Merle Haggard" or "Hot Rod Truck & Tractor Pull."

"Obviously, this is all preliminary," Deere said. "However, if tickets to future events do include a specific performer's name we will also include the phrase 'or equivalent entertainment value as determined by the Fair Board' on the ticket so there is no question."

Deere said the board is also considering the use of "micro-printing" on all future tickets. Micro-printing is extremely small type often used on currency and passports to discourage counterfeiting. It can't be read with the naked eye.

Deere explained that "the ticket is essentially our contract with the customer, and micro-printing is the only way for us to say everything that needs to be said for legal reasons."

While the Fair Board is still working on what will be micro-printed on the tickets for future events, Deere did share an initial draft:

THE POSSESSION OF THIS TICKET GIVES THE BEARER ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHTS. THERE WILL BE NO REFUNDS. GOT IT? NONE. ZIP. ZILCH. AND THERE WILL BE NO COMPLAINING EITHER. IF YOU COMPLAIN IT GIVES THE FAIR BOARD THE RIGHT TO FORCE YOU INTO INDENTURED SERVITUDE AT THE FAIR. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ASSIGNED TO TRASH REMOVAL OR CLEANING THE ANIMAL PENS OR PORT-A-POTTIE DUTY? IF YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEST, YOU WILL KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND TAKE WHAT WE GIVE YOU AND LIKE IT.

In other fair news, grandstand events for the 2011 SEMO District Fair have already been announced.

"We're planning on having big headliners almost every night for the 2011 SEMO District Fair," Deere said.

Tentatively scheduled are Justin Bieber with Lady Gaga and special guest Snoop Dogg on opening night. Garth Brooks and George Strait will play the main stage on Thursday. The 2011 SEMO District Fair will close with a performance by The Eagles.

Tickets go on sale November 1 and if necessary, the Fair Board may substitute equivalent entertainment.

Obviously, the above blog is fiction written in the style of a newspaper article. However, thanks to a question from a poster to my blog from yesterday I found some interesting information on this matter.

Mr. Haggard cancelled 10 tour dates and the poster wanted to know how the other 9 venues handled the situation. I found the answer for 5 of the 10 locations.

Sept 15. Andersonville, Indiana (a casino). Full refund plus Joe Diffie and Crystal Gayle performed a free concert.

Sept. 16. Cape Girardeau. No refunds or exchanges because that is the fair's policy.

Sept. 18. Great Frederick Fair in Maryland. George Jones agreed to play for Haggard. Also a fair and also with a no refunds or exchanges policy. HOWEVER, they made an exception in this case and ticket holders could get full refunds until 5pm Friday.

Sept 22. Charlottesville (VA) Pavillion. Full refund.

Sept 23. Athens Georgia Classic Center. Full refund.

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shocking(insert sarcasm here) that of the venues listed cape is the only one not issuing refunds

way to go cape girardeau

-- Posted by coltsfan2 on Fri, Sep 17, 2010, at 6:28 AM
Great blog! First laugh of the day.

Still think anyone who invests in a future SEMO District Fair concert ticket will be making a risky investment.

-- Posted by Nanno on Fri, Sep 17, 2010, at 7:36 AM
Thanks Me'L. I too have no vested interest in this matter, but feel this whole situation was handled very poorly. The fair board applied a policy to a situation it should not have been applied to.

The fair should have given people the OPTION just like the Grand Frederick Fair in Maryland is doing.

It will be interesting to see how next year's advanced tickets will sell. I know I will take it into consideration when I order my Eagles tickets. I'm already planning on putting it on a credit card....

Thanks for reading.

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Fri, Sep 17, 2010, at 11:03 AM
Brad, Great irony. A few years back, a sudden and unpredicted downpour cancelled an event as folks were lining up at the gate. The fair folks immediately began handing out rain checks for the rescheduled event. I can still hear the folks from Nothern Iowa that planned their vacation for the event and were unable to return to make use of a rain check. They wanted a refund and soon everyone was chanting refund.

I guess they hadn't seen the micro-printing.

If not for the heavy rain dispersing the crowd, well, if not for the rain.....

-- Posted by Old John on Fri, Sep 17, 2010, at 11:42 AM
Great writin'.

-- Posted by IonU on Fri, Sep 17, 2010, at 5:32 PM

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