- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
No Statue Left Behind
How Not To Be A Good Republican
I was surprised by the outcome of last Tuesday's Cape Girardeau County Presiding Commissioner Republican party primary.
Frankly, I thought Jay Purcell would win.
It's not that he is Mr. Popular -- most people either really like him or they really don't -- but I figured with so many candidates running for the position that the vote would be heavily fragmented and Mr. Purcell would wind up edging out his next closest competitor.
That's how he originally won the District 2 County Commissioner Republican primary in August 2004. There were nine candidates in that race and he got 21.67% of the ballot beating the runner up by just 29 votes.
And perhaps the same outcome would have occurred in this race, if he hadn't announced at a public forum in late July that IF he got the Republican primary nomination and IF he were elected Presiding Commissioner of Cape Girardeau County that he would serve as an Independent.
Unfortunately for him, this political gambit didn't work.
His campaign was obviously hoping that a groundswell of Democrats voting as Republicans would give him the edge in this crowded GOP primary. I guess his campaign just wound up alienating Republicans who came out in droves to vote for other Republicans rather than any Independents who happened to be running on the Republican ticket.
It was a strange campaign strategy.
It would be kind of like me telling all of my friends that as soon as I found a suitable girlfriend, I was going to divorce my wife. I'm pretty sure the missus would not be too terribly happy.
And I guarantee that like almost any wife in a similar situation, she would be vindictive.
It apparently was news to a lot of people that Mr. Purcell was splitting ranks with the Republican party. Not to brag, but I figured this out back in June.
The clue that Mr. Purcell was on the outs with the GOP was in plain sight.
He left behind his life-size Abe Lincoln.
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For the last several years, Mr. Purcell has owned the prestigious Ponder house at the corner of Louisiana and William Street, just west of West End Blvd. It's a block away from my own home.
I watched Mr. Purcell make the house his own. He put in the black iron fence that now surrounds it including a pair of imposing gates that face William Street. He also put on an addition to the west side of the house and had the property put on the National Register.
And he put a life-size carving of President Abraham Lincoln in the front yard.
But when he sold the property back in June, the statue of President Lincoln was left behind for the new owners. Anyone who has ever taken a class on government should be aware that Lincoln was the very first Republican President. That is why the GOP is sometimes referred to as the "party of Lincoln." Abe is practically a deity to members of the GOP.
And no self-respecting Republican leaves behind their Abe Lincoln statue. That's one of the top five rules listed in the How To Be A Good Republican Handbook.
Rule Number 4 clearly states that all good Republicans must "Own a statue -- preferably life-size -- of either President Abraham Lincoln or President Ronald Reagan."
And Rule Number 5 is even more damning of Mr. Purcell's actions:
"Never, ever leave your life-size presidential statue behind."
Which, of course, is what Mr. Purcell did.
And according to an impeccable source I found on the Internet, every Republican worth their salt has a life-size statue of either Presidents Lincoln or Reagan in their possession. Rush Limbaugh reputedly has both.
Of course, most don't locate those statues in their front yards. That's kind of ostentatious. But they do have and treasure them, keeping them stashed in closets, or tucked into a corner of their basement for those Special Days of the year. Election Days.
And on every Election Day, they haul life-size Abe or life-size Ron out to stand next to the TV in their living rooms to bare witness and bring good luck for the GOP in the voting returns. They really have no choice, if they are in fact good Republicans.
After all, that's Rule Number 7 in the handbook.
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