- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
Jackson's Water Supply Must Be Drugged
I hate it when the Southeast Missourian blows a story.
I don't work in the newsroom, but I have worked for this paper since 1992 so journalism tends to run in my veins. And I hate it when we blow a big story.
And we blew a HUGE story.
Our newsroom just completely overlooked it. But not me. I spotted it right away, while perusing Brian Blackwell's article earlier this week on Jackson road and utility projects.
While describing the projects, Brian completely missed The Real Story:
Terrorists have apparently spiked Jackson's water supply with drugs!
And not the good kind of drugs like Advil or Nyquil or Michelob, but some of those mind-altering hallucinogenic type of drugs like LSD or PCP or GOP.
It was right there in Brian's story. Well sort of. You had to read between the lines to see The Real Story.
What tipped me off was the photo that accompanied the story. It was a picture of the intersection at Hope and Main in downtown Jackson. The caption said a roundabout is being considered for this intersection.
A roundabout?
Jackson -- whose motto should be "City of Beautiful Homes, Churches, Schools, Parks and Congested Intersections" -- is considering a traffic roundabout at one of the most congested intersections in their town?
That's just crazy-talk.
It has to be drugs in the water supply.
No one except a drug-addled, hallucinogenic-happy, dope-fiend would even remotely believe this is a good idea.
And since Jackson is the "City of Beautiful Homes, Churches, Schools and Parks" then the likelihood of someone with enough power to authorize even considering a roundabout being a drug-addled, hallucinogenic-happy, dope-fiend is almost nil.
Unless, of course, they don't know they are a drug-addled, hallucinogenic-happy, dope-fiend.
And the only way I figure they can possibly not know that they are under the influence of drugs is if terrorists have infiltrated Jackson's water system and contaminated it with hallucinogens.
Then even bad ideas like a roundabout in downtown Jackson will seem fantastic to everyone in the "City of Beautiful Homes, Churches, Schools and Parks," on par with other great ideas like sliced-bread, indoor plumbing, and stop-lights.
Although, apparently some people think that last one is over-rated.
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