- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
Cape's New Trash Service Needs Mascot & Better Name
A few weeks ago, the city of Cape Girardeau sent its residential trash customers a brochure explaining the new robotic refuse service that will start May 1.
I noticed right away that the city was trying to make trash collection sound interesting and exciting by using an acronym for its name. According to the "Big Book of How To Make Government Fun!," a sure-fire way to get your constituents interested and engaged in practically anything is by using a clever acronym.
For example, the Feds did it in the fall of 2008 with the Trouble Assets Relief Program that cleverly spelled out TARP. You use a tarp to cover the gaping hole in your roof when a tornado blows through town so it was kind of appropriate to use the word to describe efforts to fix the giant fiscal hole that the gamblers on Wall Street had created for this country over the last few years and finally came to a head in 2008.
Unfortunately, in this instance the tarp that the Feds used was the approximate size of a tissue -- just big enough to clear the bad decisions lodged in the nostrils of most of the organizations that created the mess -- and the hole was slightly larger than the Grand Canyon.
But that's beside the point. TARP was and still is a catchy sounding acronym.
So in that same spirit, the Cape Girardeau Public Works Department has created its own acronym for our city's new robotic trash collection service. CARTS is what they're calling the program. That stands for Cape Girardeau Automated Recycling & Trash Services. It's a play on words since the system uses wheeled carts.
Not to beat around the bush, but I think it kind of sucks.
Oh sure, it says what the program is all about -- our new system uses fancy trash CARTS not those old fashioned trash CANS -- but the name lacks pizzazz. Every new program or service needs pizzazz and the fastest way to get pizzazz is with a mascot.
However, C.A.R.T.S. does not exactly inspire a cool mascot. What can we do with it besides a talking trashcan? Boring!
So, in the public interest I've worked up some alternative acronyms for our new and improved trash service that are more conducive to a mascot.
I immediately thought of Cape Refuse Automation Program, but quickly ruled it out. Like C.A.R.T.S. it describes the system -- or at least what the system is meant to pickup -- but I don't think many people would want to see a talking C.R.A.P. for a mascot. And frankly it would work better for a port-a-john company.
Then I considered Refuse Automatic Trash Service. A giant talking rat might make an appropriate mascot, since rats are one of the primary reasons why we have trash pickup in the first place. However, with our luck, Disney would probably sue us for trademark infringement.
I next contemplated Cape Automated Refuse Program. A carp for a mascot would not be bad although it might be tough to explain to the little ones why the talking fish pushing a trashcan has legs. I suppose you could blame it on Darwin and that whole evolution rigmarole.
But then I thought of what I consider the best possible acronym, C.O.W.S.
It's short for Cape Organized Waste Service. I think that since the City of Cape wants residents to have a positive impression of their new trash service that using a big, friendly critter like a cow for a mascot would be ideal.
We could call our mascot Calvin C.O.W.S.
Calvin could visit local classrooms pushing his big green recycling bin and telling all the little children how much fun it is to "moooove" trash and recycables with the new carts.
Perhaps, we could even assemble a bunch of Calvin C.O.W.S. for parades. The "Herd" could be the last entry in the parade, pushing their trashcans down Broadway in unison while simultaneously picking up debris left by onlookers.
And at the end of the parade route, they could form a conga line and dance off into the sunset. Now that, is what I call, pizzazz!
But, of course I know that this idea is all in vain. The city has already invested at least a couple hundred bucks in printing these brochures telling the residents of Cape all about C.A.R.T.S. The name is set, and there's nothing we can do about it.
However, I think that as far as acronyms go, C.A.R.T.S. falls into the category of Lousy Acronyms Meant to Exalt or better known as L.A.M.E.
Respond to this blog
Posting a comment requires a subscription.