An Email From Nicole Brown

The email arrived at midday and looked urgent. The subject line told me that the sender was "sorry for this unexpected delay."

The sender's name sounded familiar. Nicole Brown. I'd heard that name before. There was the Nicole Brown who OJ Simpson allegedly knifed to pieces back in the 1990s. I was pretty sure the email wasn't coming from that Nicole Brown.

I opened the email and read the first paragraph:

My feelings were a littler hurt after reading that.

Nicole hadn't told me about traveling to Scotland for a Seminar. And it must be a pretty important seminar since she capitalized the word Seminar. Of course, I instantly forgave her for not telling me about her trip, since I seem to have forgotten that I personally knew someone named Nicole Brown. Damn old age. Funny that she could remember my email address, but not my name. I guess we're both getting older.

And what bad luck to have. You take an exciting international trip -- an exciting international trip that you fail to mention to practically your best friend, I assume I am her best friend since she did remember my email address -- and you misplace your wallet. That sucks.

You know you would think I would have remembered Nicole just from the giant wallet she must have carried around all the time. It had to be huge to carry her money and phone and other vital documents, including her diary. I didn't even know you could fit a diary in a wallet. But then, I'm really not up on ladies fashions.

Or why would you want to carry a diary around with you all the time? I guess it's a habit Nicole picked up pre-Twitter. She probably likes to write down every mundane thing that happens to her in her diary. I sure thought I would have remembered a woman writing in a diary all the time. Maybe I should start drinking ginseng tea. I've heard that it's good for one's memory.

While hindsight is 20/20, I'm really starting to think that Nicole should have invested in one of those wallets that you often see guys wearing that have the giant chain attached to a belt-loop. Short of a pickpocket with bolt cutters, you can't lose one of those wallets. You might even be able to fit a small diary in one of them.

I read on.

I about fell over when I read that Nicole needed 2500 pounds to sort things out and pay for hotel bills. That's about four grand in US dollars. As if I have that much sitting around.

I think Nicole needs to consider staying at a cheaper hotel. Or perhaps she should stay with one of her friends that she so quickly made. It's a guy friend I see from her letter. Typical. I'm pretty sure she always had a lot of male "friends." I wonder why they don't lend her some money?

You know, I think it's about time I unfriend Nicole. She's only there when she wants something from you.

In the meantime, I think I will go to Walgreen's and see if they have some ginko biloba. I remember reading that it might be good for memory. Funny how I can remember something like ginko biloba, but I have no recollection of my friend Nicole. Maybe it will help jog my memory.