- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
Cape Signage Solution At Half The Price
The City of Cape Girardeau has hired a Florida consulting company to study how to better direct tourists to local attractions. The city is paying for the project with money from a federal grant. The cost of the study is $40,000.
However, after a local company complained about not getting a shot at this business, a city representative has agreed to meet with its president and author of this blog -- Brad Hollerbach -- at his firm's office located in the first booth by the bathrooms in the Hardee's on William.
City Representative: So, why are we meeting here at Hardee's? Are your company's carpets being cleaned or something?
Brad: Oh no. This booth is my office. I find that it cuts down on the overhead when you don't have to pay rent or utilities and basically act as a parasite on another business. Plus, I can drink as much coffee as I please and the john is right around the corner. Can't beat the convenience. So, I understand the City wants to spend forty grand on signs?
City Representative: No, we want to spend forty grand on the study of signs. The signs themselves will be extra. By the way, what did you say your company is called?
Brad: It's called Brad's Universally Rational Promotions or B.U.R.P. for short. We specialize in common-sense solutions to everyday problems. Now, what seems to be your $40,000 signage problem?
City Representative: Basically, the city wants to know how to better direct visitors and tourists to where they want to go and where we want them to go when they are here in town.
Brad: And you want to spend $40,000 on that? Wow! Uh, I mean, I think I may be able to do it for that much. Matter of fact, I think I can probably do it for only twenty grand since my overhead is obviously a lot lower than this company out of Florida.
City Representative: Great! Will you also analyze Missouri laws and get feedback from the community and see how other towns have approached similar projects? That's what the company from Florida is going to do.
Brad: Geez, no wonder they were going to charge you forty grand. Let's be honest. That's all useless busy-work designed to make this "study" look like it's actually necessary. First of all, who gives a rip about Missouri laws? These are directional signs for goodness sakes. If we were an individual or a private company, signage regulations might matter, but we're talking about another government entity. The state doesn't care.
As far as community feedback, that is soooo over-rated. Most of the people who attend those types of meetings are either the people hired to conduct the meeting or the people who hired them to conduct the meeting. You won't find too many "real people" at one of these meetings.
My company doesn't need to hold meetings to get feedback. I can get all the feedback I need right here at Hardee's. (standing up and yelling) Attention everyone! The city wants to have better signage in town to direct tourists and visitors. Any suggestions?
Various voices yelling back:
"Make 'em big enough so you can read them at 70 miles an hour."
"Swinage? Does that have something to do with swine flu?"
"No Ed, he said signage, not swinage. Turn on your damn hearing aid."
"Don't include that stupid river wheel logo."
"Yeah, that logo is too busy."
"Why bother?"
Brad: See there you go. Plenty of community feedback right here in Hardee's. Now, about that last item. Does it really matter what other communities are doing for their signage? What's important is that the signs are in an easy to read typeface that can be read by drivers. That means no cursive or serif typefaces. They look pretty, but they're not practical.
The city is also going to need plenty of signs to guide visitors to destinations. For instance, having a single sign on the bridge route by the River Campus pointing north to "Historic Downtown" won't cut it. We need to idiot-proof our signage and use as many as it takes to get the job done.
And the city is going to need to decide what destinations we want visitors to go to that make sense. We don't want to have a sign for every possible destination in town or it will be confusing and not at all useful.
City Representative: When you put it that way it almost makes us look foolish for wanting to pay a consulting company $40,000.
Brad: My thoughts exactly. Good thing this is federal grant money and not actual local taxpayer funding. The feds can always print more. So where exactly shall I send my bill?
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