Missouri Legislation I Can Believe In
HCR 99 -- Saluting the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg

I think I know why I have never aspired to be a politician.

First of all, I try to be concise. Sure, I will ramble on sometimes and I have been known to use colorful language for the sake of the color, but it doesn't compare to the long-windedness that a lot of politicians appear to be masters of.

And secondly, I like periods. You know, those little dots at the end of sentences.

The opposite of both of these characteristics can be found in House Concurrent Resolution 16 -- or HCR 16 as it is also known -- that was introduced by local legislator Clint Tracy and just passed the Missouri House of Representatives this week by a vote of 125 to 29.

Let me summarize this resolution for you:

Missouri does not want any of the suspected terrorists from the Guantanamo Bay prison either detained here or transported through our state and we encourage the eight states that share our borders to adopt a similar resolution.

There you go. That's the whole resolution. However, I used 37 words rather than the 419 that actually compose HCR 16, not including the title.

Perhaps, Tracy started-out with my appropriately concise version, but then realized that 37 words would look pretty pathetic printed a sheet of paper.

So rather than using 48-point type to make the 37 words cover an entire page, he decided to flesh it out a bit more by adding a "Whereas" here and a "Now, therefore" there and a whole lot of other details that everyone already knows, until he got to the 419 words which comprise HCR 16, not including the title.

The one thing that my 37-word version has in common with the official 419-word version is the same quantity of punctuation. We both used one period. You know, those little dots at the end of sentences.

Now, don't get me wrong because I'm not picking on Tracy. All official Resolutions like this one appear to follow some historical and/or legal precedents that treat punctuation as unnecessary and consider long-windedness a virtue. Thankfully, a lot of Bills are not written this way.

Now you might be saying to yourself, "Brad, what exactly is the difference between a Bill and a Resolution?"

I'm glad you asked, because I was wondering the exact same thing, so I looked it up.

Bills are how a law is made. After a bill passes both houses of the legislature and is signed by the governor, it is then an enforceable law.

In comparison, Resolutions are meant to either make a statement or to honor a person, organization, event or issue. Their purpose is to make various people look or feel better.

Legally-speaking, resolutions are meaningless.

I looked at some of the other Resolutions that have been proposed in the Missouri House this year and they include one that encourages MODOT to put a stoplight in at a particular intersection in Weldon Springs (HCR 1) and another one that urges dogs to be "Canine Good Citizens" (HCR 4).

After reading about the House's attempt to legislate the behavior of dogs, I realized that anyone can write a Resolution about practically anything so I thought I would give it a try.

Since, Easter is fast approaching and a lot of people -- myself included -- really like the Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs, I think the Missouri Legislature should consider a resolution honoring that candy. We will call it HCR 99:

Whereas, the H.B. Reese Candy Company, a division of The Hershey Company makes several special Holiday versions of their peanut butter and chocolate confection and

Whereas, it is agreed upon that all of these confections are quite tasty, but that one of the four known Holiday versions of the Reese's peanut butter and chocolate candy is tastier than the others and

Whereas, the reason decided upon was that that particular Holiday confection appears to the Legislature to have more of the sweet peanut butter filling than contained in the others:

Be it further resolved that this body, declares the Reese's Peanut Butter Egg the official Spring Sweet for the State of Missouri.

I would say my resolution is just about perfect.

It has several "Whereases" and a "Now, therefore," and lots of other details that most people are probably already aware of.

I even made sure to use just one period. You know, those little dots at the end of sentences.

And just like all the other Resolutions that have been introduced in the Missouri Legislature this session, it's just as meaningless. Kind of like this blog.