Church Foreclosures On The Rise
Hell Expects Surge in Banker Recruits

I was reading in the Wall Street Journal last week how a church building boom that began in the 1990s is resulting in some foreclosures in the current economic downturn.

This brings up an interesting question.

If you are the banker who holds the note on a church that defaults on their mortgage, and you -- as said banker -- chooses to foreclose on the financially delinquent church, does this get you an express ticket to Hell when you die?

I would imagine that foreclosing on a house of worship would be a rather big black mark on your soul, which no amount of goodness could overcome.

Saint Peter looking over your stats at the Pearly gates just after you died: Let's see, you tithed every year from the time you were 12 until you passed. Very, very good. You donated thousands of hours to the under-priviledged during your lifetime. Excellent. Hmmm, what's this? You became a banker and foreclosed on a church? I guess on the bright side, it wasn't YOUR church. That would have been very, very bad. This is just bad. The down escalators are to the right behind that cumulonimbus cloud. Next!

According to the WSJ article, many of the country's 335,000 churches carry little to no debt, but some churches "borrowed briskly to build or expand" in the decade from 1997 to 2007. Last year alone, construction spending on houses of worship nationwide was $6.2 billion. That's a lot of pews.

But then the economy tanked and suddenly church members were not donating as much weekly or fulfilling their commitments to building campaigns. One church in Florida that avoided foreclosure by filing for bankruptcy collected only a third of the money pledged for a $1 million building campaign.

I guess that church didn't have a Ministry of Guido.

Guido knocking on the door of a delinquent parishoner: Duh boss sez youse is behind on youse pledge for the new wing of the church. He sez youse pledged a grand, but have only given two bills. I'm here to assistchu in finding those missing C-notes.

It's not surprising that people pledged this money, but then failed to come through in the end. After all, we haven't had an economic melt-down like the one we're living through since the Great Depression.

Unfortunately, when many people have to choose between Eternal Salvation or a 57" Sony Widescreen TV with 1080i resolution, high definition will win most of the time.

Besides, it makes the most of that Blue Ray player you just got for Christmas.