Make a Difference in a Young Person’s Life: Mentor with Big Brothers Big Sisters

Debbie Sabella and Kaylin Maney pose for a portrait at Hello Gorgeous Boutique in West Park Mall in Cape Girardeau on Saturday, March 13, 2021.

Sarah Yenesel ~ Southeast Missourian

Kaylin Maney, a Little Sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri, just turned 16 and is hoping to pass her driver’s license test this week. To celebrate the occasion, she is at the mall with Debbie Sabella, her Big Sister mentor, shopping before they go to Olive Garden for lunch.

Shopping and eating at restaurants are two of Maney’s and Sabella’s favorite activities to do together. The Big/Little match has known each other for nearly two years now, since Summer 2019.

“I’ve learned to be more social because I don’t really like talking to people, but I just learn how to come out of my shell more and just be a good person to people,” Maney says of how she has grown by being involved with the organization.

“She was already a really good person,” her Big Sister Debbie Sabella is quick to say. “She’s so good. [She’s] just got such a good heart.”

Kaylin Maney and Debbie Sabella shop for an outfit at Hello Gorgeous Boutique in West Park Mall in Cape Girardeau. Sabella says since her children are older, she now has more time to devote to being a mentor.

Sarah Yenesel ~ Southeast Missourian

Before mentoring Maney, Sabella mentored a younger child who moved away from the region. For a few years, Sabella wasn’t involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters, but when she heard a sermon at her church about reaching out to others, she felt moved to sign up for the program again. This time, she wanted to mentor a teenager.

Maney, too, had been involved with the program before her and Sabella were matched, placed with multiple Big Sisters throughout the years who were college students and often had time conflicts. Maney says she enjoys being able to “hang out all the time” with Sabella, as opposed to the more limited time her mentors had in the past.

Big Brothers Big Sisters is currently celebrating its 20th anniversary in Southeast Missouri and has approximately 200 mentors throughout the region, a number that has been down during the pandemic from the normal 250 Big/Little matches. “Bigs,” as the mentors are called, range in age from high school students to people who are retired. “Littles,” as the mentees are called, are identified by referrals from Cape Girardeau Public Schools and community nonprofits, as well as by word of mouth when families share their positive experiences in the program with each other.

“Our purpose is to fuel young people’s pursuit of meaningful, stable and independent lives,” says Ashley Seiler, executive director of the Southern Region of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri. “We ultimately want our Littles to just be able to fulfill whatever kind of desire and dream that they want. And we think that that can be accomplished through relationships.”

Kaylin Maney and Debbie Sabella shop for an outfit at Hello Gorgeous Boutique in West Park Mall in Cape Girardeau. The Big/Little match have known each other since 2019 and enjoy going shopping together.

Sarah Yenesel ~ Southeast Missourian

Bigs commit to spending four to six hours each month with their little for a minimum of one year. Seiler says the organization encourages mentors to do day-to-day types of activities with mentees, such as walking the dog, going to the park or baking cookies.

“Some people have a misconception about what it takes to be a mentor, that they have to do extravagant things with kids or they have to have special qualities, and the fact of the matter is, that’s not true,” Seiler says. “Spending time and developing a relationship with someone, it doesn’t really matter what skills you have or in terms of training or things like that. It really is just doing everyday things with kids to help them feel cared about and loved and encouraged. And almost anyone can do that.”

And so that’s what Sabella does. In addition to shopping and eating out together, the two also enjoy going to the movies, and Sabella has watched Maney cheer at basketball games. While at the mall for Maney’s birthday outing, Sabella comments on the ways she has seen Maney grow as a person throughout their mentoring relationship, commending Maney for stepping outside of her comfort zone at school through becoming a cheerleader and class president.

It’s for reasons like this that Maney encourages people to get involved with the program. She says because of their steady presence in mentees’ lives, mentors can be a “really good influence” on people who are younger or less fortunate than her.

Sabella agrees, and says there are advantages to being several generations older than her mentee.

“I’m older, but I probably have more time now than I had when my family was young. And there’s no age limit to this, and she doesn’t care, I don’t think … ‘cause when I first met her, I said, ‘I’m sorry you got the grandma.’ She doesn’t seem to mind, so I think that it’s okay,” Sabella says. “I just think that you get out of it what you put into it. … We’re learning about each other.”

Interested in being a Big Brother or Big Sister?

Visit bbbsemo.org/volunteer/ for more information or to apply. After you apply, Big Brothers Big Sisters of Eastern Missouri will interview you, conduct a background check and provide training before matching you with a Little Brother or Little Sister who has similar interests. Once you’re matched, you can begin meeting virtually for the time being, with hopes to move to in-person mentoring as soon as concerns with the pandemic allow.