Bridge Communication Gaps with the Human Connection

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Strategies for communicating with people who have Alzheimer’s

At 9 a.m., Kaye puts on her coat

— “Dental Appointment,” from “Darkness Descending: Love Poems for a Beloved Stricken with Alzheimer’s” by Robert Hamblin, emeritus professor of English and founding director of the Center for Faulkner Studies at Southeast Missouri State University. Used with permission.

A common misconception when caring for people who have dementia symptoms is that you can “set them straight” when they become confused. Numerous researchers have instead encouraged engaging in therapeutic communication. Therapeutic communication uses a variety of emotion-oriented approaches.

Laura Wayman, author of “A Loving Approach to Dementia Care,” recently gave a presentation at Comfort Keepers In-Home Senior Care in Cape Girardeau.

“Communicating with a person who has dementia symptoms has less to do with your words than it has to do with the feelings you project,” Wayman says. “Dementia impacts memory, processing information, reasoning and language, so it becomes difficult for individuals with dementia symptoms to understand what others ask of them.”

Wayman, who has a degree in gerontology and works with individuals at Aegis Living, discusses several practical strategies caregivers can use to effectively communicate with their loved one.

“In order to help the individual with these challenges, use gentle and positive action statements, rather than questions, options or details,” she advises. “Instead of asking if the person wants to go for a drive in the country, simply say, ‘Let’s go for a drive.’ Instead of greeting the individual with, ‘How are you today?,’ use a positive action statement such as, ‘You look like you feel great today.’”

In addition to focusing on how your actions and words make your loved one feel, validation therapy is another way to communicate effectively with someone who has Alzheimer’s or dementia. Kathy Bullis, family caregiver program director for Aging Matters, encourages caregivers to use validation therapy, which places more emphasis on the emotional aspect of a conversation and less on the factual content.

For example, if the person with dementia begins asking for his or her mother, instead of saying, “Now, you know she died a long time ago,” you could say, “Tell me about your mom.” Bullis also suggests that if a loved one with dementia seems particularly agitated, recognize they might not be angry but rather unable to communicate what is really bothering them. Check for pain and look for signs of stress in their environment. And because one of the only constants of caring for someone with dementia is inconsistency, Bullis suggests a book like “The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care,” by David Troxel and Virginia Bell, which provides a model of caregiving to help with a variety of situations.

Redirecting can also provide an effective model for communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s or dementia. Hanna Bresnan, LPN and manager of the memory care unit at the Lutheran Home in Cape Girardeau, uses the motto “Don’t correct; redirect.” To do this, she says she follows the resident’s lead and sticks with the time period they indicate they are in. If they ask her about picking up their child who is a grown adult, she might say, “Oh, school is still in session, so they are OK.” She also distracts them with activities and snacks.

When caring for a person with dementia or visiting them at a care facility, it may seem easier to avoid trying to have a conversation. However, Diane Wicker, life enrichment coordinator at the Lutheran Home, encourages a variety of activities to either start conversation or just enjoy time together. For example, instead of asking a loved one to remember the people and places in photographs, talk about what is happening in the images, and see if they want to make a contribution. For example, saying, “Well, look at that rooster!” while pointing to a photograph. Even if they don’t remember the picture was taken on their farm, you can enhance their self-esteem by making comments like, “I love looking at these pictures with you.” Planting a flower in a pot together or rubbing lotion on their hands or feet can lead to conversation or nonverbal communication that lets the person know they are loved, a feeling they will remember longer than words.

It can be traumatic for caregivers to witness someone they love slowly losing their memories and ability to process information. Communicating with an individual who has dementia symptoms may be filled with uncertainty. However, by focusing on emotion, validating their feelings, gently redirecting and planning ahead for potential pitfalls, some of those gaps can be bridged with human connection, and meaningful moments can still be shared.

Resources for you

According to the Greater Missouri Chapter of the Alzheimer’s Association, 110,000 people in Missouri are living with Alzheimer’s disease, and more than 314,000 family members and friends are providing care for them. Compared to caregivers of people without dementia, caregivers of those with Alzheimer’s disease indicate substantial emotional, financial and physical difficulties. The Greater Missouri Chapter, which covers 86 counties in Missouri and 10 in Illinois, provides education and support to these caregivers. A 24-hour helpline is available at 1 (800) 272-3900.

The Alzheimer’s Association will present an educational program entitled “10 Warning Signs of Alzheimer’s” at the Cape Girardeau Senior Center on Wednesday, September 4, at 9:30 a.m. For more information about the one-hour program, call (573) 382-1978.

A caregivers’ support group meets from 7 to 8:30 p.m. on the second Tuesday of the month at the Lutheran Home. For more information, contact Melody Harpur at (573) 331-8101. The Alzheimer’s Association and Lutheran Family & Children’s Services also offer a caregiver support group that meets at the Cape Girardeau Public Library. For more information about this group, contact Lisa Thompson at (417) 429-0438 or visit alz.org.

The Family Caregiver Program through Aging Matters provides education, resources, assistance and support for caregivers; their number is 1 (800) 392-8771. Check their website for information about a Facebook Live Support Group for Caregivers coming soon, at agingmatters2u.com.

“A Loving Approach to Dementia Care,” by Laura Wayman, is available at laurawayman.com. She can be contacted directly at help@laurawayman.com.

“The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care” is available at bestfriendsapproach.com.

Local Southeast Missouri State University emeritus professor of English Robert Hamblin’s book of poems called “Darkness Descending: Love Poems for a Beloved Stricken with Alzheimer’s” is available at amazon.com. All proceeds from the sale of the book go to the Alzheimer’s Association.