Column: Winter Wonderland

As I write this column, we’re getting our first (and possibly only) winter storm of the season. A little sleet, a little snow, a lot of trouble for us all in this area.

It always reminds me of those immortal lyrics to the popular Christmas song “Walking in a Winter Wonderland:”

“Local news, are you listening? Lots of gloom before snow’s glistening. A very rare sight, but we’re unhappy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland!”

Yes, you can absolutely count on local news to go nuts as a (potential) winter storm approaches. They have been known to up their normal quota of five weather segments per half-hour broadcast to maybe nine or ten as the system develops. Perhaps on the West coast. Perhaps in Siberia.

I’ve always found this overreaction to the changing weather somewhat amusing. As a farm boy, I’m naturally something of an outdoor person, and therefore a lifelong observer of the weather. This experience has made me feel that the best way to tell what the weather is doing is to GO OUTSIDE AND LOOK! You really don’t need your TV, your phone or your computer app, people. Walk out, or look out a window. You’ll figure things out at least as well as the professional weather broadcasters.

Believe it or not, I can actually “feel” a big rain, and certainly a snow storm, long before they occur. This ability is hard to explain, but many’s the time I heard the news people say it’s going to snow (or whatever), and I thought, “No, it’s not!” My batting average is far better, I can assure you.

I especially remember one time when I was a teenager, and my father and I were sitting in the truck waiting to go duck hunting. It was absolutely pouring rain, so we did the intelligent thing and sat it out. Dad turned on the radio, and the broadcaster, who was only a few miles from us (and therefore also getting soaked), announced there was a “40 percent chance of rain.” We both laughed, of course. All he had to do was stick his head outside!

Another thing I find amusing/confusing about local storms is the instant desire people seem to get to fill their larders when any winter weather system is predicted. Everyone races to the gas station and grocery store, filling their tanks and carts to overflowing. Bread, eggs and milk take a particular beating.

I’ll see someone with six, eight, even 10 gallons of milk at the checkout. Is your family really going to consume that before it all expires (or you do)? Are they the Green Bay Packers? If not, I truly don’t understand the over exuberance. Storms in this area rarely inconvenience anyone for more than a day or two. But everyone acts like “Mad Max” on snow steroids.

While there are some negative consequences associated with winter storms (it’s cold), there are a number of positives, as I see it. For one thing, the snow is beautiful coming down (although I know some would find it more beautiful going back up). There’s a peaceful feeling when the world is covered in white flakes. And I always think of all the insects waiting for spring to spring on me. Call me the Eichmann of my block, but I relish the thought of many of these bugs biting the big one. A fringe benefit to freezing for a little while.

Anyway, as Mark Twain said about the situation in Missouri, “If you don’t like the weather, just wait a minute. It will change.” So watch the skies, ignore the television, and be careful. Especially if everything’s glistening.