Adultery

Having reached "adulthood" a long time ago, I've been completely unsupervised for years.

That was probably a mistake.

Society has generally given the age of 18 (21 in some states -- this is a drinking joke) as official adult status. People who reach this milestone are allowed to enter into contracts, marry without parental permission, drink until they find themselves wearing someone else's underwear and so on. To me, this is a somewhat arbitrary dividing line.

The ability to act maturely varies tremendously among individuals.

Some people -- Richard Simmons, Michael Jackson, Pee Wee Herman, all the Kardashians -- never seem to grow up in the strictest sense.

In some cases (Richard Simmons, Michael Jackson, Pee Wee Herman, all the Kardashians) they seem like they're just creepy people. But perhaps there's a method to their madness.

In my case, I started acting somewhat responsibly at about age 41. Certainly by 50.

I'm still working on completing the transition to "adult," however.

There were some particularly trying times in my late teens and early 20s when my future seemed destined to include military school at best, and indefinite incarceration at worst. Neither of these possibilities transpired, but it certainly wasn't because of lack of effort on my part.

Among the many vicissitudes of my relative (and seemingly perennial) youth, I once accumulated so many speeding tickets that the forces that be decided I should give up my driving privileges for a period of time. This wasn't entirely my fault, since I had access to some good cars in those days.

While I did give them the satisfaction of holding my license for me, of course I continued to drive (this article isn't about how bright I can be, if you hadn't noticed). Any senior citizen drove less conservatively, but I did continue to drive myself, as befits an "adult."

Oh, I gave it a stab at being responsible and mature. I managed to feed myself adequately enough to survive. I also managed to drink inadequately enough to survive, a more difficult proposition in many cases. And no, I'm not talking about water.

Additionally, I paid my rent and other bills on time, stayed out of any (further) legal trouble, and generally was an adequate if not model citizen.

While it's true that I didn't see a medical doctor for about 40 years, I was pretty busy most of that time. Plus, I simply felt good. I usually feel as good as ever, for the most part -- this being a large part of why I've never felt adult, which I've always equated with "old."

Now I go to the doctor annually. I even had a colonoscopy, which is surely something only an "adult" would put themselves through. Believe it or not, I've actually had worse things happen, like having to watch the Kardashians on the hospital waiting-room TV. Hey, maybe I'm an adult now! If only by comparison.

Rob is a retired Southern Illinois University instructor who lives on his family's farm in Union County, Illinois. His mother, Joan, who is a nice person, lives in Cape Girardeau.