Dear Mom: College stinks and I want to come home!

It seems like only yesterday you were dropping off your son or daughter for the first day of kindergarten. In times like this, I always remember the old saying, "The days go slow, but the years go fast." How true is that? Just as the transition to kindergarten brought new, unique challenges, so does the challenge facing many parents and teens in the coming weeks. If you're a parent who will soon be facing this new transition, read on and hopefully you will find some useful tips to help minimize the homesick feelings your child may soon be faced with as she begins this new adventure and phase of life.

Shannon Anderson

Feeling homesick is probably something most of us have experienced at one time or another. But what are some warning signs to look for as your soon-to-be college freshman begins this exciting year away from home? The most obvious is if she just comes right out and says, "Hey, Mom, I miss home and don't like being away." But often it's not this easy. You may have to look a little closer to catch the signs.

Does your child call home very frequently? Or maybe she expresses frustration and disappointment regarding everything about college life? While it's normal for her to feel frustrated in some areas, it becomes more concerning and could be a sign of homesickness if this disapproval occurs with almost everything related to college life.

Something more extreme to watch for is a withdrawal from social activities. This could actually be a sign of something worse than homesickness. Although uncommon, it is possible that depression could develop following such an abrupt change in life. Symptoms of depression should always be taken seriously, and the help of a professional should be sought immediately. Most college campuses have free counseling services for current students. Check with your child's college if you suspect she may be depressed.

Feeling homesick is actually quite common with college freshmen. It can occur in the first few weeks after the fall semester begins or may appear later in the year, after the initial fast pace and excitement of starting something new has worn off. Either way, there are some clear guidelines a parent can follow to support their homesick freshman.

For starters, be sure to keep an open ear and listen to her feelings without minimizing. If your child feels comfortable expressing these feelings to you, great! Just being supportive and listening can be all that's needed. Second, don't dwell on your own feelings of loss now that your child's away at college. Sure, you can talk about how things are different, but there's no need to add to the situation by constantly talking about how much things have changed and how much you are missing the way things were before she left.

Some other great ideas are to encourage your child to stay on campus during downtime. Encourage her to start developing a new social life on campus. If the campus is close enough to drive home every weekend, try to discourage this as much as possible. Rather than coming home four weekends a month, maybe aim for two. (I know, it's hard for parents, too, isn't it?) Promote participation in campus activities so she can begin to see this new life as exciting in its own way. Maybe encourage involvement in a club or sport. This and other campus activities can help establish a much needed support network.

What about some advice you can pass along to your new freshman? Remind her she is not alone and most likely many of her friends are experiencing the same feelings, even if they're not talking about them openly. Many college freshmen report staying busy helped with homesickness more than anything else. Again, an active social life can make the transition much easier. Also, be sure to remind her to stay connected with old friends and family via Facebook, texts or Skype. A quick text from an old high school friend can be uplifting when the stress of a new lifestyle is getting overwhelming. Even sending a snail mail letter to mom or dad to just say hi can be a way to stay connected while away at college.

Fall is always a time of transition. For many of you reading this, you and your new freshman are about to embark on a new, exciting journey! Just as you made it through the transition to kindergarten over a decade ago, you will also survive this new phase of life. And, just as before, both you and your child will be stronger and better equipped to embrace any future changes that are still to come.

Shannon Anderson is a licensed professional counselor and owner and clinical director of Tender Hearts Child Therapy Center in Cape Girardeau.