Keep your butts in your own cars
Congratulations are due to those who voted no to the proposition to ban smoking in public places. Now that the majority of Cape Girardeau voters have recognized the rights of smokers to ruin their health and shorten their own lives at the expense of exchequer, I have a request to smokers on behalf of those who lost the smoking ban initiative: Keep your butts in your own cars. Please do not throw your butts at every traffic light you stop at, every road you drive on, every lawn you happen to walk on, every parking lot you park your car in and every tourist attraction in the city you live in.
This abominable habit of throwing your butts around reflects very poorly on your reluctant allies who voted no solely on the basis of their belief that the government should not tell us what to do. Both those who voted yes and those who voted no on a matter of principle are not the government. We are concerned people of Cape Girardeau. Throwing your butts all over the city is disgraceful! It is no way to thank us, increase business or attract tourists to Cape Girardeau.
So, celebrate your victory with a new resolve: From now on, we will keep our butts in our own cars.
K.P.S. KAMATH, Cape Girardeau