Ugly? Think federal aid

The subject is disabilities. The problem is fraud.

Before I travel beyond this point, let me clearly state that I have long been an outspoken advocate for those with disabilities. I've had the privilege of working with children with disabilities through the Kenny Rogers Children's Center for many, many years. I recognize the obstacles of the disabled and as a former member of the Governor's Council on Literacy, I have worked to dismantle barriers in terms of the disabled and education.

But, at the same time, I also know that far too many people in this country receive disability benefits who are no more disabled than I. I have "disabled" people constantly offering to work for cash to avoid any interruption in their disability checks.

And don't tell me to report these people. I have.

Disruptive children who cause issues in the classroom are eligible for SSI, a form of disability benefit. And, if you have the time, look up the number of SSI recipients. It's both amazing and frightening.

A new report that surfaced this week shows a growing momentum to classify obesity as a form of disability. The compassionate among us see this as a form of much-needed assistance. The cynical among us see this as a growing trend toward more top-heavy government tax dollars growing the dependent base in this country.

So in following with that trend, I offer a new class of disability: the ugly. Yes, that's right, ugly people suffer from a unique form of disability.

Study after study confirms that less pleasant appearing people are at a disadvantage in the workplace. Like it or not, our society rewards the attractive and penalizes the ugly. That puts those homely folk at a distinct disadvantage. Clearly they should fall into the category of the disabled.

The current administration's obsession with leveling the playing field of society is missing a golden opportunity. By carving out this new category of disability, there's no telling just how many people can share in the wealth because of the lousy cards they were dealt. By my unscientific observation, half of Arkansas would qualify.

If unruly children and those whose diet routine is solely fast food can qualify as disabled, then surely the ugly have room for argument.

Oh sure, there are lots of details yet to be finalized but the handsome-challenged have a strong case to make for their disabilities.

So I strongly suggest that all you who are ugly -- and you know who you are -- write your congressman today. There's ample federal dollars available for the taking.

P.S. I have already submitted my request for funding under the Ugly Americans Act of 2009. If you qualify, join me. After all, we aren't getting any prettier!