Keeping deer at bay comes with a price

A while back, I reviewed for you my never-ending battle with wild animals, including my gentle wife's newfound dislike for Bambi's parents, who eat whatever she plants in the urns in front of our house.

And before that I told you about Miss Kitty's new habit of rolling in the dirt.

At the time, I had no idea there was a connection between these two tales. Here's how it goes:

Miss Kitty, the clever calico who rules the Sullivan domain with velvet claws, started rolling in her favorite patches of dirt several months ago. At first, we thought there might be a good reason. Now we are convinced that this is what cats do when they can't swear at humans.

Honest, I'm not making this up.

It appears -- and my wife has had more than one experience to confirm it -- that any time Miss Kitty is unhappy with her human subjects, she walks to the nearest dirt, plops down and starts rolling.

What my wife noticed this past week is how Miss Kitty, at some point during her dusty dithering, manages to look over her shoulder to make sure we see what she's up to.

Meanwhile, after I wrote about our flower-loving deer, several of you sent suggestions for keeping them out of our yard. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Out of the many suggestions received, the most popular advice went something like this: Go to Sunny Hill and get a spray called DeFence. Other stores may carry it as well, but off to Sunny Hill we quickly and obediently went.

While at the garden store, we received varying instructions on how to use DeFence. We could have read the instructions on the spray bottle, but that's no fun.

Since we had just planted this year's crop of urn flowers, we paraded into the front yard to lay down what many of you swore would be an impenetrable chemical barrier between blossoms and deer.

As I began to spray, the cool spring air was filled with an ugly odor, one that was reminiscent of ... something.

OK. Imagine the outhouse on the farm in Killough Valley in the Ozarks over yonder. And imagine the barnlot after chasing 25 or 30 frantic Black Angus cows into the pen where they would be loaded to go to market. And imagine that Lad, the collie, has just chased a skunk under the house.

Now, combine all those smells, and I think you've got something close to DeFence.

And here's a friendly warning for anyone contemplating using DeFence: Once it gets on you, it doesn't come off for a long, long time.

But here's the good news: In spite of the rain, DeFence appears to be working. Flowers in both urns are intact -- and beautiful, I might add.

Of course, we don't go anywhere near the front yard, because it smells like ... well, you get my drift. Every time we leave the house we drive by for a view of the colorful flowers. With our windows rolled up tight.

So one day this week I grabbed the DeFence to update the invisible barrier around the urns. I put on a long-sleeve shirt and gloves. I considered wearing a mask, but I was afraid the neighbors would think I had swine flu. The last thing our neighborhood needs is a health panic.

When I came back to the patio, I spied Miss Kitty heading for one her dirt piles. That's when the light bulb went on. I soaked all three of her favorite dirt piles with DeFence. Anything good enough for our deer should be good enough for our cat, right?

And so far it's working. Miss Kitty hasn't rolled in the dirt treated with DeFence.

After all these years of waging war on varmints, do you think it's possible that I am seeing a glimmer of victory?

Stay tuned.

jsullivan@semissourian.com;