Marketplace
![[SeMissourian.com]](http://www.semissourian.com/images/nameplate.gif)
|
|
Fair ~ River stage: 24.86 Rising Saturday, July 4, 2009 |
RSS
 Print
 Email link
 Respond to editor
 Read comments (10)
 Share link
A long and lonely battle: Cape Girardeau woman has been helping her husband live with Alzheimer's disease for eight yearsFriday, September 19, 2008
She saw him grab a water bottle, his sweater and a stack of books -- he loves books -- and charge out of the house in the direction of his daughter's house. She chased him. The couple ran down the street until a car stopped and the driver, a young woman, asked if she could help. "I don't even remember her name," Eloise Terry said. "But she said to Bill, 'I don't know where your daughter lives, but I know where you live. Can I take you home?' and he said 'Yes.'" Bill Terry has Alzheimer's disease. According to the Alzheimer's Association, more than 100 million people worldwide will have the disease by 2050. Alzheimer's disease degenerates the brain, stripping it of memories until it can no longer operate the body's other organs. "Alzheimer's is an irreversible disease," said Shannon Kitchen, one of two Southeast Missouri outreach coordinators for the St. Louis Chapter of the Alzheimer's Association. "There's nothing you can do to stop it. It's not like with cancer or diabetes. There's no surgery or chemotherapy to eliminate it." Some medications can slow the progression for a time. People can reduce the risk by keeping as healthy as possible with exercise, eating properly, developing hobbies, having a strong social life and using puzzles to exercise their brains. One in eight people 65 and older have the disease; half the people who celebrate their 85th birthdays have some form of dementia, according to the Alzheimer's Association. Bill Terry, now in a nursing home, sits in his wheelchair quietly. His wife of 53 years still runs to keep up. Every day, twice a day, she's by his side at Chateau Girardeau. They often sit near the front door, watching the visitors arrive and chatting with other residents. Bill often greets them with a wave or a smile. Though he does not initiate conversations, he responds to questions, watching and listening to everything going on in front of him. People passing by, even at a distance, always hold his attention. "We sit facing out to see the people. Bill loves people," Eloise Terry said. As the Alzheimer's has chipped away at Bill's recall, it has also cocooned him, she said, and not in a good way. Eloise Terry, who was never interested in medicine, can talk in detail about the effects of the disease that is taking her husband away, bit by bit, and the ways to stave it off. In addition to her daily routine caring for her husband, she attends a support group for caregivers and quarterly meetings with the medical professional to review the long-term care plan. She uses the Internet to learn more about the disease and she read the book by Ronald Reagan's daughter, Patti Davis, "The Long Goodbye." "It should have been called 'The Long and Lonely Goodbye,'" Eloise Terry said, without bitterness. The facts in her life are that the disease has frightened many of her friends away. She hears the same from members of her support group. It's one way in which her life has changed. She's also learned to take care of the household bills, to manage life in a way she never needed to in her younger days, days when "we had the life everybody dreams of having." The Terrys arrived in Cape Girardeau from Memphis and raised four children. He was a medical doctor, she as a homemaker, but above all they were Christians. Bill Terry built a thriving urology practice even as he established a nondenominational ministry. He helped start a city prayer breakfast that drew as many as 1,500 people. "The first thing he'd ask a man is 'Are you married? How's your marriage?' recalls Eric Pruemer, the Terrys' son-in-law. Tall, slender and buoyant, Bill Terry had a way of talking about faith without forcing the issue. He could sense when a friend's marriage was faltering, and he focused on the positive for those whose marriages failed, with a message of resiliency rather than judgment. Eloise Terry remembers how thankful some of the men were for that. Kitchen said denial and fear are just two challenges facing people dealing with the disease, whether they have it or are caregivers. But isolation is the toughest hurdle for Eloise Terry and an estimated 44 million other Americans who are caregivers. The main goal in caregiving, Kitchen said, is "to provide the person with quality and dignity. You've got to strive to do that. They have the same wants and needs that someone who doesn't have Alzheimer's has." He said people who want to visit, should stick to simple topics, such as hobbies or social small talk, and avoid subjects as complicated as politics or the economy. The Alzheimer's Association offers support groups for caregivers; training for people for want to lead support groups; and opportunities for people in the early stages of Alzheimer's to support one another with visits or phone calls. Bill Terry's daughter, Carolyn Pruemer, said there's one thing which really matters to those who have Alzheimer's and their caregivers: understanding. "If people can't leave the house, go visit them," she said. "If you can't visit, call or send a letter. Nobody gets upset with people who have cancer because they are sick. But they get upset with a person who has Alzheimer's because they don't age like a 65-year-old." The main message she said, is that when someone with Alzheimer's can't remember, at least remember them. As for their caregivers, she said, "Don't give up on them. Don't forget them." Her mother puts it more bluntly when it comes to those who have the disease. "It's scary, but it's not so scary that you can't go visit." In honor of World Alzheimer's Day, Sunday, the Alzheimer's Association is asking people to learn more about the disease and support research by visiting www.actionalz.org and making a donation. The Alzheimer's Association's national board of directors will match donations, dollar-for-dollar, up to $250,000. On Thursday, Medicare introduced a website dedicated to helping caregivers, as www.medicare.gov/caregivers. 335-6611, extension 127
Does this affect you?
Have a comment? Log on to semissourian.com/today
Comments  Note: The nature of the Internet makes it impractical for our staff to review every comment. If you feel that a comment is offensive, please Login or Create an account first, and then you will be able to flag a comment as objectionable. Please also note that those who post comments on semissourian.com may do so using a screen name, which may or may not reflect a website user's actual name. Readers should be careful not to assign comments to real people who may have names similar to screen names. Refrain from obscenity in your comments, and to keep discussions civil, don't say anything in a way your grandmother would be ashamed to read.
|
More stories
|
del.icio.us
Digg
StumbleUpon
Technorati
Newsvine
Facebook
Furl
Reddit
Google
God Bless. I lost my loving wife to Huntington's last year after a battle that lasted too long and ended too soon. You do what your heart tells you needs to be done. If you have a few minutes today, go visit someone who could use a little company. Just say 'Hi, I thought I'd stop by and visit a bit.'
Thanks for putting it out there Peg. Eloise, you and Bill hang in there. Blog, my condolences.
Mom, I continue to be so proud of you. God has given you the endurance to walk this road with dignity and grace. You are my hero. I love you!
Dad, I miss you terribly, but I know you are in God's hands and He is holding you close. I love you, Dad!
Hello,
For starters, God Bless you and your family!!! I worked for six years in a long term care facility and I mainly worked on the alzheimer's halls and I have seen the disease start and slowly progress and in some situations the disease went from low to progressively high very quickly, and my heart goes out to the families and cargivers... To the wife, u r to be highly regarded, you are a very wonderful and loving wife and i am so proud to see that you are standing by your husband... You are my idol!!!
Always in my prayer,
Misty
Isolation and just forgeting about someone with the disease is a major thing to cope with. More than 600 people came to my mothers funeral but I can count on maybe one hand of that group that ever came to visit her at home, and none of them when she went to a long term care facility. If you know someone that has this curse the major thing to do for them is keep in contact and let them know you are there if they need you. A big help for us (my father and me) would be someone to just sit with her so we could take a break and get away for awhile just to not have to worry about her when we had to run errands or other things. Just be there for support and to let people know you did not forget them..
Sixteen years ago, Dr. Terry walked into my office when I was a young professional working for the Boy Scouts of America. He didn’t know me from Adam, but was responding to a comment card I had completed at the recent mayor’s prayer breakfast. His warm smile and comforting disposition immediately made me feel at ease. After twenty minutes of conversation, Bill had learned enough about me to know that as a newly married young man, he could give me the guidance and the tools I would soon badly need. That guidance, and those tools, would be used to build a strong Christian-based foundation for my role as a husband and father. My family and I are forever indebted to him.
Dr. Terry introduced me to a few other young, newly-married professional men. Some I knew, and some I didn’t. He organized us, and then led us, as a small group of twenty-something men from various backgrounds and denominations, in a regular early-morning Bible study at our offices. When he felt our group had progressed to the point where it could be self-led, he said a kind farewell and set out to counsel his next group of young men. Although he no longer met with our small group, he and Eloise hosted us and our spouses from time to time over the next few years for various social activities and family-strengthening Bible study series. I have fond memories and close friendships to this day because of Bill’s efforts.
Bill had a mission. He never waivered from that mission. He led and taught by example, sharing very personal stories of triumph and failure. I had never known anyone so passionate about sharing the personal details of their family life, motivated only by a desire to help others avoid the pitfalls he encountered and share the same joys he experienced. He wanted to help us sew only the most fertile seeds, and be able to recognize the stumbling blocks that would meet us as we grew in our relationships with our spouses and our children. He recognized that for most of us, success in our careers was driving our daily thoughts, habits and activities. He also knew that this could be a recipe for disaster. Bill always told us our priority should be God, then family, then everything else. The message was always the same. His greatest admonition was that we should make choices, and allocate time and recourses, based on that recipe. Bill would always ask us, rhetorically, “Who will be crying for you at your funeral?” This was his sobering way of having us reflect on our choices. Were we spending too many evenings and weekends golfing or hunting instead of spending it with our wives and babies? Were we working eighteen hour days every day with no regard for the impact our families were feeling at home? If we knew we would die in two minutes, could we remember the last conversation we had with our family or the expression on our child’s face?
Bill also loved to tell us about a study that showed the average one-on-one interaction between a father and his children averaged 15 seconds per day. Yes, you read it correctly, 15 SECONDS. It was a staggering thought. I’ve kept that with me, and as I’ve observed others over the last sixteen years, I can see how it could be true. Although I’m not the perfect husband or father, I’ve tried very hard to put Dr. Terry’s guidance and admonition into practice and avoid being one of the ominous statistics he gave us. I like to think it made a significant impact on my choices and actions over the years, and the choices and actions of all people Bill came in contact with.
Whether coincidence, or the result of Bill’s divine intervention, the men who met with us in our original bible study sixteen years ago are all still married today, and have wonderful, close-knit families. We have beaten the statistics. I’d like to think that this is a result of Bill’s efforts to guide us in a very formative time in our lives. For this, we will be eternally grateful. We love you Bill.
That video was so sweet, it brought tears to my eyes. GOD bless you and your family!
If you would like to show your support for the families in our area who are dealing with this horrible disease, please come to Memory Walk this Saturday (September 20th) at Capaha Park in Cape Girardeau at 9am.
The Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk is the nation's largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer care, support and research.
There will be activities for children, so bring the kids out and enjoy a morning at the park!
I estimate the yearly cost to be about $60,000 for nursing home care, medical and pharmacy bills here in Cape Girardeau County. So there is a hugh financial burden in addition to the emotional one. Like you said, "It is a long and lonely battle." A battle without hope that will be lost.
bless you and your husband for your many years of christian fellowship and medical assistance to dr.terry's many patients. he will receive his final reward from his creator and will be remembered with fondness by all the people he has touched with his guidance and kindness. as a 8 yr. at home caretaker of a 91yr. old mother who also suffers from this condition i can certainly relate to the problems of the caretaker. you are fortunate in being able to place dr. terry in a very good nursing home facility for his primary care. visiting him twice a day and guiding his care by others while helping feed him and visit him for several hours a day is noble indeed and then you can go home to a quiet lonely home to rest and reflect. for those of us that provide this care in the patient's home 24 hrs a day 7 days a week there is even fewer visitors and break times for the caretaker. i too have been to many a funeral of my mother's friends who had half the town show up but never visited them once while they were sick and dying. what a shame this is as my mom loves it when family members visit with kids and grandkids. she does not remember who was there later but does it matter as long as she enjoyed their visit. teach your children to honor their elders as someday they too will be old,lonely,sick and dying and no-one should have to take this last trip alone. god bless you in your journey and you are not alone-there are lots of us out here who are walking that same road with you every day.