- Neelys Landing man shot, killed by highway patrol trooper after traffic stop (05/01/16)43
- Cape student sues, accuses school officials of slamming her to ground multiple times (04/28/16)49
- Missouri House votes to allow concealed weapons without permits (04/28/16)8
- River Ridge Winery changes hands (05/02/16)
- Police report filed, but no charges in incident at Cape Central (04/29/16)40
- 2016 All-Missourian Boys Basketball (04/29/16)
- Statement: Man says cops’ good work drove him to grow his own marijuana (05/01/16)1
- Bob Evans restaurant in Cape Girardeau among chain's 21 closings (04/26/16)9
- Senator introduces bill for I-57 that would connect Sikeston with Little Rock (04/28/16)4
- Hopper Road to close for months during construction of Veterans Drive (04/27/16)9
A Kill Your T.V. Bedtime Story
by Jason Parker
Two kindergartners decided to run for the head of the class. For weeks they passed notes to each other about what a "poop head" the other one was. Accusations of lies about playground success were leveled.
Little Georgie's friend helped spread allegations that little Johnny did not indeed jump 15 feet off of the swing set to squash the bugs that were crawling near his friends. Little Johnny accused Georgie of starting an unneeded food fight with one of the other kindergarten classes for the sake of a milk monopoly.
Georgie fired back with another note passing campaign telling all the other children that if elected head of the class, Johnny was going to reduce recess time by 15% and increase vegetable consumption by 50% instantly! Johnny replied to this by calling for the resignation of Georgie's dodge ball teammate and captain, little Donnie.
Johnny said Donnie looked the other way while his team mercilessly stuck sticks and other items in various orifices of innocent frogs they had taken captive near the playground. Finger-paint portraits of the frog torturing fun made their way around class. More notes were passed, more mudslinging took place, and sadly at the end of it all, there was still a kindergartner elected to be head of the class.
God Bless America...