Parenting advice from Tom and Ray

Friday, September 1, 2006

Dear Tom and Ray: Am I a jerk or a genius? My son is now 18, and when he was 15, I wrote him a check for $1,500, postdated three years. I told him that if he managed to reach the date of the check without (1) receiving any tickets, (2) being involved in any accidents or (3) breaking any of our house driving rules, I'd cash the check for him. My goal was to provide an incentive for him to play by the rules long enough to form some good driving habits. Anyway, my son very nearly made it. A few months shy of his 18th birthday, he received a speeding ticket. He was cruising along the highway, singing. And he suddenly realized he was being pulled over by a police cruiser. He fessed up about the ticket promptly, and was bemoaning the fine of $126. I gently reminded him that the ticket had actually cost him $1,626, as he had failed to fulfill our bargain. My question: Am I a genius for coming up with the carrot that made him a good driver during his crucial first years behind the wheel, or am I a jerk for piling on a $1,500 fine? Please note that his younger sister is watching carefully to see how this is resolved. She's 14, and whether I fold on this will go a long way in setting her expectations. My son took the news well, but I have friends who are treating me as though I smashed the boy's piggy bank and took his inheritance.

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