Nothing spacey here, just a stranger to the truth

Thursday, July 10, 2003

The Roswell (N.M.) Daily Record fired sports editor Gregory M. Jones last week, saying he fabricated part of a Father's Day golf tournament story.

In short, Jones quoted Carl Spangler, a nonexistent groundskeeper at Roswell Country Club. The quotes just happened to be an exact match for those of Carl Spackler, the Bill Murray character in "Caddyshack" who invented a new hybrid of golf grass "that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on the stuff."

Said the newspaper in its correction announcing Jones' firing: "It came to the attention of management that the incident had not taken place and was in fact a scene from a movie."

Since then, Roswell newspaper management has also learned that:

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" was in fact also a scene from a movie -- and not, as earlier believed, coined by ex-Dodger Brett Butler.

Daily Record editors were wise to turn down that proposed series on the "harrowing tale of the man who foolishly stumbled into Area 51." Turns out it was just Randy Johnson's locker.

The paper's troubles could be spreading. There are unconfirmed reports that employees are fudging the mileage logs whenever they use the company spaceship.

In the beginning ...

Hank Aaron is hearing footsteps again -- and no, it's not from home-run-hitting Barry Bonds this time. If and when David Aardsma, the San Francisco Giants' first-round draft pick out of Rice, pitches in the big leagues, he will end Aaron's now 34-year reign as the Baseball Encyclopedia's first alphabetical listing.

Coup de grass

Portland Trail Blazer Damon Stoudamire got busted for marijuana possession for the third time in 17 months, it turns out, because the pot he tried to slip past an airport metal detector was cached in aluminum kitchen wrap.

Curses! Foiled again!

It's a slam-dunk

Ratings for Cleveland Indians telecasts on Fox Sports Net Ohio have fallen to 5.0 this season -- compared to 7.5 at this point a year ago -- but what's the worry?

Indians execs know they can solve that little problem any time they want, with four simple words: "Just sign here, LeBron!"

Quote, end quote

  • Bill Chuck of, on his No. 1 sign that, with home-field advantage in the World Series on the line, they're taking this year's All-Star Game a little more seriously: "George Steinbrenner has asked for the phone number of the AL dugout."

    Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck, to the Boston Globe, crediting advice from Green Bay counterpart Brett Favre for his improvement last season: "(I) traded in the panties for a pair of shoulder pads."

    Randy Turner of the Winnipeg Free Press, after a woman in Des Moines, Iowa, reportedly found marijuana in her bag of Uncle Ray's munchies: "Is this why, in all those Lays potato-chip commercials, Mark Messier keeps saying, 'Betcha can't eat just one?'"

    Hold that Tiger

    Lemarcus Rowell, a backup linebacker at Auburn, was charged with driving under the influence, speeding, possession of marijuana and carrying a pistol without a permit, the Birmingham News reported.

    This probably wasn't what the Tigers had in mind when they projected him as a "four-down player."

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