A customer in a hardware store handed the clerk his checkbook. Here, I'll let you write that for me, he said. As he noticed the sign that indicated a $20 charge for returned checks, he added, go ahead and make it for $20 more.
Wife tells husband, I'm going to heat up some pork-in-beans, want some? He says, I'd just as soon have mine cold. Well, if you want to wait till they cool off.
The line grew long as the grocery store checker waited for the manager. The "Place between orders" thing would't scan.
Honey, do you know anything about why the computer screen has white out on it?
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A Congressman , Barney Franks, was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know ****?
Wheels, When I was young and full of vigor an old guy prodded me to show what I knew. Then he asked me the animal questions and showed me I did't know my ....! Thank for reminding me. I still don't know much about ...., but I might vote for Jack ..... for president next time.
but I might vote for Jack ..... for president next time.
-- Posted by Old John on Fri, Feb 5, 2010, at 10:56 PM
If you can get him to run... I will vote for him. Would surely be an improvement.
Wheels, and Old John,
Check this link out: http://jack.zunino.net/knowjack.htm
Hookie98, required reading for family tree researchers! I think i'm kin to mr. "----" Furbrains
Best version of that I have seen. Thanks, I am still laughing.
Regards the Family Tree Research... I think I will see if I can incorporate that. Definitely have a link to some of those folks. :-)
It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Our Gang fame has converted to the Muslim faith and changed his name to.... Kareem of Wheat.
A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed policeman and said,
"I've lost my grandpa!"
"The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"Crown Royal whiskey and women with big ****."
I have a bone to pick with you! If the weather does here what they are promising for tomorrow... it is not going to be a Funny Friday.
And I am holding you personally responsible for sending it this way.
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building.'
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'
The blonde opened his lunch and said,' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have
given it to him again!'
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. The idiot always made his own lunch.'
A skunk sat on a stump. The skunk thought the stump stunk and the stump thought the skunk stump. It wasn't the skunk that stunk and it was'nt the stump that stunk. It was the skunk's dump that stunk. Check that for grammer and spelling!
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