Speak Out: Memorial Day will be here soon and I have a question

Posted by Old John on Thu, May 3, 2012, at 8:49 PM:

She who must be obeyed insists on adorning the graves of long past parents and relatives with plastic wire bound flowers each year. I have the utmost respect for loved ones gone but can't see the reason to spend hard earned money for decorations that the deceased know nothing of. I think it might be more of an ego thing of satisfaction that she was of superior thought and remembrance.

We all miss and want to give proper honor to our loved ones passed but I feel that honor and respect resides well in the heart and doesn't need display on the grave.

Any thoughts?

Replies (13)

  • Me'Lange, I'm not absolutely sure about a lot of things but I am comfortable with what I think regarding that.

    "Sometimes it is the thought and actions that count, not the dollars spent."

    I get the dollar part, not sure I understand who is counting the thoughts and actions.

    -- Posted by Old John on Thu, May 3, 2012, at 9:49 PM
  • Old John - a friend of mine once pointed out to me that funerals and cemeteries are for the living - not the dead. Part of a healing process that we go through to help the living. Don't know if that helps but might be the reason she wants to go and leave flowers?

    -- Posted by not_sorry on Thu, May 3, 2012, at 11:07 PM
  • Old John,

    My wife takes care of the flowers thing, but limits it to our son that died over 40 years ago, and close relatives such as a parent or sibling.

    My personal inclination is to go, pay my respects and meditate on what once was. Even those that passed a very long time ago... and soe relative that I never had the opportunity to meet.

    I think Dug is correct, funerals and cemeteries are for the living. The dead could care less at this point.

    -- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Thu, May 3, 2012, at 11:23 PM
  • I don't go to cemeteries often, but, then, I talk to my ghosts on a regular basis just in case they decided to hang around. Every once in a while I get the distinct feeling they're listening.

    -- Posted by InReply on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 1:30 AM
  • My wife decorates her mother's and father's graves several times a year. She and I both put something on our son's grave. We, too, believe they know of what we do, but I think it is just as much about a need to express our undying love than it is for them.

    Monument companies offer vases as a permanent part of many headstones, indicating that the tradition of commemorating the loss of loved ones is a time-honoured tradition.

    I think such memorials have different meanings for different people. You can buy plastic flowers at the Dollar Store for not a lot of money.

    Many people that have lost loved ones along America's highways place wreaths and/or crosses at the place of their death. These, I think, serve a dual purpose - to express their love and to remind others to drive carefully.

    I remember driving through Idaho many years ago, along a two-lane highway near the Candadian border. I large billboard was posted when you first entered the State that said they placed crosses at accident scenes in which people lost their lives. As I drove, there were crosses here and there, sometimes two or three in a group. When I came to a particularly sharp curve, I couldn't help but notice that there were crosses all along the way - several dozen at least. It certainly got my attention, and my brake pedals.

    -- Posted by Shapley Hunter on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 8:17 AM
  • My wife puts plastic flowers out, but I don't believe in spirits or any of that stuff. A body or its placement is meaningless to me. Most of my immediate family go the cremation route.

    I see no connection to human remains and the person who once lived there.

    -- Posted by 356 on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 9:13 AM
  • Old John, my first thoughts are....you better hope your wife doesn't read this thread. ☺ Losing people we love is difficult and it doesn't get any easier just tolerable. If it makes one feel better than it's worth it. I sense the presence of my loved ones from time to time, sometimes it brings me peace, sometimes it makes me sad.

    Me'Lange, dam. still gets the pt. across but under the radar! ;o)

    Rick, I thought it was funny.

    -- Posted by Turnip on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 9:33 AM
  • Turnip, I know better than to teach her to read. :)

    -- Posted by Old John on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 11:08 AM
  • Spaniard,

    Thank you!

    -- Posted by Shapley Hunter on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 1:14 PM
  • OJ - suggest to each their own.

    while some may reach their acceptable level of contentment, solace, and proper patronage through internalizing, others need to externalize.

    Absolutely no problem here either way, so long as the key driver is remembering and honoring those now gone and sorely missed, in the true spirit of the holiday.

    JMO...

    -- Posted by fxpwt on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 8:30 PM
  • Thanks for all the comments.

    Maybe one sure way to respect and honor parents past on would be to do nothing to dishonor but instead further the respect of the family name.

    -- Posted by Old John on Fri, May 4, 2012, at 11:13 PM
  • OJ, That is a beautiful sentiment and one we should all try to live by.

    -- Posted by InReply on Sat, May 5, 2012, at 12:27 AM
  • My wife is big on decorating the graves of her parents and relatives. Flowers, etc. are no big deal for me. We both honor our ancestors in our own way. As OJ said, the best way to honor the dead is to keep their family name above reproach.

    -- Posted by Robert* on Sat, May 5, 2012, at 11:28 AM

Respond to this thread