To help with those voter blues.
Subject: Fwd: Older men scam
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.
A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how the scam works:
Two nice-looking, college-aged girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look).
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's.
You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant.
Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the dollar store and bought them out in three of their stores.
Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's, to Home Depot, to Costco, Etc.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
That's an old one non-biased.
But still very funny....howver, Iam NOT suffering from voter blues. I am VERY pleased with the outcome.
Another from the peanut gallery.
Engineers' Conversion Table
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter =
2.. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision
And it isn't even Friday yet! Maybe we should have an election once a week hereafter.
"I had my wallet stolen Mar. 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also Apr. 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, and very likely again this upcoming weekend."
nbp, I hadn't heard it yet, I thought it was hilarious! ☻
I do not like this Uncle Sam, I do not like his health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan,
I do not like this 'YES WE CAN'.
I do not like this spending spree,
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free,
I do not like your smug replies, when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it you BIG Dope.
I do not like it NOPE, NOPE, NOPE!
For the Ladies
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.
'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror .
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall Of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, 'Well Dear, what was it like being six again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
"I do not like you, Dr. Fell.
The reason why I can not tell.
I simply do not like you Dr. Fell."
I've heard this literary quotation most of my life and do not have the slightest idea from whence it came. Does anyone have an idea?
The Dr. Fell rhyme is very old. It is found here, in this 1877 volume of "Notes and Queries", attributed to John Locke, or one of his students:
The book attributes it to a jocular translation from Martial: "'Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere quare: hoc tantum possum dicere, non amo te'.
Apparently, the student was Tom Brown, author of "The Dialogues of the Dead". The Dr. Fell of the rhyme was Dr. John Fell, Dean of Christ Church in Oxford. Tom Brown was due to expulsion, but was pardoned as a result of his clever translation of Martial's verse.
The verse may be recounted in "Tom Brown's School Days", from which many Americans would likely be familiar with it.
A bit more on Dr.fell..I learn something everyday!
Thanks Voyager and Shapley...
Dr. Fell (1625--1686) was an English clergyman, the Dean of Christ Church who later became the Bishop of Oxford. Dr Fell was furious with Tom Brown but before expelling him he set him a test. If Tom passed the test, to assess whether he could use the literary style marked by the use of epigrams, he would not be sent down. The test was to further translate and extempore work by Martial, who was the most well-known of Roman epigrammatists. Martial's epigram was in Latin as follows:
"Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere quare;
Hoc tantum posso dicere, non amo te."
Brown made an excellent English translation:
"I don't like you, Sabidius, and I can't say why; all I can say is I don't like you"
Tom Brown used this as a basis to then compose the witty nursery rhyme 'I do not like thee, Doctor Fell'. The nursery rhyme 'I do not like thee Dr. Fell' was not included in Mother Goose collections until 1926, following the rhymes inclusion in 'Less Familiar Nursery Rhymes' by Robert Graves (1895 - 1985)
the famous author of 'I Claudius'.
Thanks, Hunter. Suppose I could have googled or looked it up, but witrh age I"ve gone lazy.
I remember it from childhood when my Grandmother would occasionally quote it as a pointed reference to some person or other whose manners were questionable.
Thanks, GreyWolf, I wasn't aware that it was in the Nursery Rhymes collection.
I can't claim to have read "Tom Brown's School Days". I was familiar with the title, but the content I am only familiar with from reading George MacDonald Fraser's ribald and humorous "Flashman" books. Flashman was a character in Tom Brown's schooldays. We know only that he was a bully at Christ Church College in Oxford, whose expulsion is recounted in the book "Tom Brown's School Days". No other information about him is given. Fraser took the character and created the anti-hero of his series, who joins the service and, even though he is a coward and a cad, finds himself lauded as a hero and constantly in the presence of great historical events and persons.
I see, upon Googling, that Brown was apparently expelled from Christ Church College (he never received a degree from there, in any case), so the 'pardon' may be fictional, and may even have been penned later.
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird, now that the world is weird, people take prozac to make it normal again.
Wheels, that is why I have a little dog Trig. He exists in a totally rational world. A time to east, a time to go out and attend to necessities, a time to jump up into his favorite chair and burrough under his blanket, and a time to make me go to bed, having directed by activities successfully throughout the day.
Every person should have a dog. They help anchor us to a far more sane and pleasant world.
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