Mia Pohlman
Mia Pohlman is a writer for rustmedia, producing content for Flourish Magazine, B Magazine, TBY and Mind + Body.
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The poetry of sweet potatoes (7/2/22)This week, I got to tour a sweet potato farm. Not a commercial one; one that is on 10 acres of land, with sweet potatoes grown on 1 acre of it, one where a person comes along and picks up the produce after it's been dug by machinery; one at which a real hand touches each little potato...
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Letting God hold our expectations (6/18/22)I recently started a big new project and found myself feeling overwhelmed by the number of things I wanted to do for it, along with the number of other things in life that needed my more immediate attention. It felt like there was no way I could get it all done and do it well while also enjoying it. I felt anxious and worried, and John 14:27 (NAB) came to mind...
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Reflections on trust (6/4/22)This week, there are a few disparate thoughts leaving their impressions on me, and I want to share them. Now that they're all here in one place, I'm realizing they deal with trust. Maybe one of them will speak to you, too. On getting older: My friend Lilly said it the other day, and as soon as she said it, it rang true in my heart: Growing older, I'm finding, is about less. ...
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The delight of rest (5/21/22)With the students getting out of school and the warm weather, I've started to feel the summer state of mind lately. It's a beautiful call to rest, to be free and to be present, the kind of presence children have because they don't make plans and don't have items on an agenda to check off; without a schedule, they are free to go from activity to activity as it interests them, following the tug of their desires wherever it takes them...
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The Holy Spirit wants to help you (5/7/22)This past weekend, I got to lead the Confirmation retreat for the eighth graders at our church. At it, we talked about what it means to become an adult in the Church, to discover the unique ways we as individuals are gifted to serve the larger body, a discovery process that can start at Confirmation through receiving the Holy Spirit. We discussed how we are called to know God, so we can know ourselves, so we can then serve the people around us...
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A man died for me (4/23/22)There's a line from one of Taylor Swift's earliest songs "Cold as You" that's been echoing in my head this Easter season. It's a sad song about a boy who takes in a relationship but doesn't reciprocate the love he is given, and the line I've been thinking of says, "And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you."...
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The delight of rejoicing (4/9/22)Rejoice. It's a word that's been changing my life. I used to lament when musicians entered their 30s; it seems like their music often departs from the soul-searching questions of the deep and instead, gets happy. They are content with life, and their art reflects that. ...
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While We Wait (3/26/22)One year for Lent at the youth group I helped lead during undergrad, the students put together a Stations of the Cross meditation in which each station or scene from Jesus' Passion was set to a song. The songs they chose helped humanize and make relevant to our times what the people in each scene might have felt, and what we might feel as we enter into Jesus' death and resurrection during Lent...
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Thoughts on Mercy (2/26/22)The youth group students and I are learning about the ways each part of the Mass comes from Scripture. In the first part of Mass, just after the people gathered have spent a short time reflecting on their sins and confessing them through silent prayer, we pray together aloud, "Lord, have mercy. ...
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There was great calm (1/29/22)My dear friend Nancy Shoush recently passed away. We met when I was in graduate school; she was a cook at Rosie's Northtown Cafe, the restaurant where I waitressed, and a friend who had become one of the family to the owners and other workers at the restaurant. ...
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Choosing what is easy (1/15/22)As Americans, we regard freedom as the highest ideal. It is what our country is founded upon; we revere it. The way we define it, though, is, I think, a narrow definition that often serves the necessities of capitalism rather than serving people. When we are enslaved to pursuing the next thing, to attaining more and more, to proving our worth by the things we have and do, we are not necessarily free. ...
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Encouragement along the way (1/1/22)And now, with Christmas day, we finally start the Christmas season. The waiting and unfulfillment of Advent are over. We have 16 days to celebrate the fullness of Christmas, from Christmas Eve through the Baptism of the Lord, this year on Jan. 9. Now, I feel like I can finally say it and mean it fully: Merry Christmas...
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How to hope (12/18/21)I am always trying to learn about hope. It has always seemed to me to be this ephemeral thing I can't quite wrap my mind around, an intangible that has no solid definition. Throughout different phases of my life, I find myself coming back to the questions: What is hope, and how do I do it?...
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Jesus, the host (12/4/21)Psalm 23, titled "The Lord, Shepherd and Host," (NAB) is one of my favorites. For most of my life, I really latched on to the "shepherd" role in the title and somehow, until more recently, completely overlooked the "and host" part. It is delightful to me that God would be so kind to help us relate to him through this language and imagery, to think about our Lord as someone who welcomes us in and puts together a banquet for us, wanting to nourish not only our bodies with "a feast of rich food and choice wines, juicy, rich food and pure, choice wines" as Isaiah 25:6 (NAB) says, but also nourish our minds, spirits, souls with good conversation, deep thought and love, in the same way we want to do these things for others when we invite them in to our homes.. ...
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Don't ever give up (11/20/21)My favorite Coldplay album "A Head Full of Dreams" ends with the song "Up&Up." It is a song of hope and imagination amidst a world that can sometimes be filled with drudgery and despair, a song about continuing even when it seems hard and all efforts could potentially come to nothing, a song about seeing and believing in possibility even when everything says not to. ...
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Comparison and coveting (11/6/21)I have been thinking lately of the connection between comparison and coveting. To covet, Oxford Languages tells us, is to "yearn to possess or have (something)." When we compare our self, ability or life to someone else's life and come up short, so often that leads us to want what they have, which can lead to envy and trying to take things for ourselves. Then, we're back at original sin in the garden, grasping for the fruit all over again...
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Continue (10/23/21)I recently discovered the song "Airplane" by The National Parks, and it has been a gift. It's simple and marvelous, and you should look it up when you finish reading this. Here's what it says: "I've been a farmer where nothing grows. Like a sailor when no wind blows. ...
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Rethinking our perception of reality (10/9/21)Let us take a minute to talk about onions. This is what Robert Farrar Capon does in his book "The Supper of the Lamb: A culinary reflection," spending 12 pages cutting open an onion to find his assumptions about what an onion is -- odorous, spherical, dry -- are false, based on assumptions. In fact, he writes, an onion has an "utter wetness," is made up of pieces that look like vectors and hardly smells at all when it is whole...
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He cares for you (9/25/21)I recently had the privilege of viewing a beautiful piece of art by a young artist that helped me more deeply understand God's care for each of us. In the piece, the artist had drawn a self-portrait; from off the page, there was a speech bubble with an unseen person asking if she was OK, and from the artist's own mouth, an affirmative answer echoed from the page...
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To be seen and known (9/11/21)When Jesus calls the first disciples in John 1:35-51 (NAB), there is all this business of seeing. References to sight -- the words or some variation of the words "watched," "see" and "looking" -- are listed 12 times throughout these 16 verses. In one way of reading it, it is a story about the deepest desires of the human heart -- to be seen and known -- being fulfilled by the promised One who is finally here, ready to see each of the 12 tribes of Israel. And ready to see each of us, too...
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Thoughts on creating (8/28/21)Part of the beauty of creating is having the intent and desire to share whatever is created, to let love, joy and gift overflow into the lives of others, to bless them. This is a good and beautiful desire, and, I have experienced, a fulfilling and joyful way to live. ...
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I want to give to you (8/14/21)Father Bill Kottenstette always told us to think of the person in the world who loves us best -- we could know from their visible love for us that God loves us at least that much and more and more perfectly, because God is God. The same, he said, is true for the person in the world we love best -- we know God loves us and them at least that much and more and more perfectly. ...
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Thoughts on forgiveness (7/31/21)Brueghel paintings are marvelous. Have you seen one? In many of them, there are a multitude of individual people portrayed as they live their daily lives, and each person has a story -- one might be slaughtering a hog and two might be gossiping next to him as children ice skate nearby and at least 50 others surround them, all participating in their own individual and varied tasks. ...
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God saw the Israelites, and God knew (7/17/21)Recently, the words of Exodus 2:23-25 (NAB) caught my eye and heart. "A long time passed," these verses state, "during which the king of Egypt died. The Israelites groaned under their bondage and cried out, and from their bondage their cry for help went up to God. God heard their moaning and God was mindful of his covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. God saw the Israelites, and God knew ...."...
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He remained for two days in the place where he was (7/3/21)I love the verses in Scripture that speak about Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead in John 11:1-44. What I am specifically drawn to about this story is Jesus' intensely personal relationship with each sister and the way he knows and comforts each of them in their grief. I love each sister's honest response to Jesus' presence, the ways they speak their minds and hearts so openly and bluntly to him...
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Enjoying God (6/26/21)The other day, a priest said something I thought was profound: Jesus lived more than 30 years of a happy life with people he loved; he was only on the cross for three hours. It was a good reminder that when times are good, it is a gift, and we can enjoy it...
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Just once, if someone believed (6/5/21)There is a scene at the end of the movie "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" that has always puzzled me. In it, Mr. Magorium, the whimsical toy shop owner, gives Molly Mahoney, the unsure young emporium employee, a block of wood. It is, clearly, a gift Mr. ...
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In the places we lack (5/22/21)Lately, I have been buying a lot of things and spending a lot of money. It feels like I can hardly help myself in this pursuit of food, clothes, gifts for people, really, anything to purchase that, before I click the button or swipe my credit card, I feel like I can't do without. It is fun and nice to have the things I want, but the excitement each thing brings doesn't last like I hope...
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Amazement at ourselves, each other and God (5/8/21)I love the readings that take place after Easter, readings following the development of the early Church in the Book of Acts. They are stories about connection and community and amazement at the ways we need each other. They remind us none of us are meant to go through this life alone...
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If it is You, bid us come (4/24/21)The other week at youth group, we were talking about fear and reading Matthew 14:22-32, the story of Jesus and Peter walking on water. One of the students observed the apostles are at first "terrified" because they have mistaken the identity of the figure walking toward them; they think it is a ghost. Once they realize it is the Lord, however, they are no longer afraid...
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On the shores (4/10/21)The book "Cultivate: The Process of Living From Your Heart" by Cageless Birds opens with this prayer: "On the shores of my soul, I give you permission." These words are written underneath a photograph of feet in the water on the shoreline at a beach, standing in the space in the sand where the edge of the water flows up to. It is a shallow place. Stand there, pray this prayer: On the shores of my soul, I give you permission...
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Feel the wind (3/27/21)Wind. It's blowing on us as we stand at a ridge on the trail overlooking trees that aren't green yet and beyond, where buildings would be if we could see them. The trees are leafless, the trunks still straight lines of brown raising themselves into the air. The Tennessee dirt is beneath us, rocks and forest rubble guiding us along the path. I'll realize later the platforms of my white tennis shoes are now brown, but I won't bother cleaning them...
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Praying for The Examen (3/13/21)In 1 Thessalonians 5:17, St. Paul tells us to "pray without ceasing." As I've grown, I've come to realize more and more deeply this means thinking about prayer not so much as something I do, but as something I am called to become. We are to become prayer. This is how, by our very being, we can pray always, without ceasing...
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Get out of the way (2/27/21)The snow had drifted in places up to a foot, and I hadn't gone to work all week. Now, it was Friday, we planned to celebrate one of my coworkers' birthdays, and I wanted to be there. Even though the driveway was snowed shut, I didn't think it would be a problem. The night before, my dad had told me how to drive out of the driveway without getting stuck. Thinking I knew how on my own and didn't need to hear his plan, I didn't listen closely...
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Mothering the systems we are a part of (2/13/21)Maria Shriver, in her book "I've Been Thinking ... Reflections, Prayers and Meditations for a Meaningful Life" writes our world is yearning to be mothered; we need mothering on a large scale. "All of the world's children -- young and old -- are looking to be loved, accepted, nurtured, soothed and cared for by Mother energy," she writes. ...
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Perfect Your love, O God (1/30/21)I am someone who sometimes struggles with fear. It is, essentially, the same conundrum Adam and Eve faced when the serpent spoke to them in the Garden of Eden: Fear tells me I must grasp at the things I hope for because I am not loved enough for them to be given to me. ...
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Where we go from here (1/16/21)In her 1981 keynote address "The Uses of Anger: Women Responding to Racism" at the National Women's Studies Association Conference, writer Audre Lorde made a helpful distinction between anger and hatred. She said, "This hatred and our anger are very different. Hatred is the fury of those who do not share our goals, and its object is death and destruction. Anger is a grief of distortions between peers, and its object is change."...
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These days after Christmas (1/2/21)The days after Christmas and the beginning of the year are quiet, like an exhale, all the world being what it is and inviting us in to be, too. After the hustle and bustle and expectation leading up to Christmas day, these days are a bit of a relief, this space in which we no longer anticipate, but relax back into the rhythm of what is before us. They invite us in again to the present moment, to discover the hidden beauty in silence and stillness and the barrenness of winter...
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Something ancient and new is happening, here, now for all of us (12/19/20)Weary. Weathered. Worn. Tired and heavy. It struck me after Communion the other week, as I watched my fellow parishioners -- our body -- walk back to their pews: this is how we look at the end of a year that has been hard. It's how we feel after a year that has taken so much. It's how we stand after a year, as my friend Katie observed, that has stripped us as Jesus was stripped of his garments...
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The sacred waiting (12/5/20)Advent. Here we are again, within this mystery of preparing to celebrate what has already happened in hope of what will happen again. It is a pause within movement. A time to stand in the present with one hand reaching back into the past and one hand stretched forward into the future. ...
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Cherish the moment (11/21/20)It's there in the morning: slices of golden light on my wall through the window. The time change has allowed me to be present to see it. It doesn't last long; it is a small strip of time that the light places itself there, resting. Then, it moves on. ...
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There is nothing we lack (11/7/20)Little children aren't shy when they need something. They will let you know, through crying or asking confidently. Their forthrightness comes from their innate knowledge they can't procure whatever they want or need for themselves, as well as from their faith that the adult they are asking can and will provide it. It's a beautiful thing...
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Voting with humility and love (10/24/20)The way I see it, both our Republican president and our mostly-Democratic mainstream media are equally responsible for creating much of our country's division, and neither are willing to take responsibility for it. They are afraid, perhaps, of the unflattering part of themselves that they recognize in the other. Besides, if we all stopped arguing about how to do things, we might actually have to do something. And we might actually have to acknowledge we are similar...
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Your gifts we are about to receive (10/10/20)A few weeks ago, I was on a long drive to my friend's mom's funeral, praying for my friend and her family, myself and what might lie ahead throughout the next few days when I felt the desire to pray one of the common table prayers. It's a prayer I have said before I eat at least two to three times a day every day for the entirety of my life...
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Because God first loved us (9/26/20)At a camp I went to one summer in high school, we memorized a verse of Scripture each day. First on the docket: 1 John 4:19. "We love because God first loved us." This, the leaders said, was the first verse to memorize because it is the foundation of everything. ...
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You are God who sees me (9/12/20)The other day in church, I looked up and saw a little girl wearing a crown. It was a silver plastic one, bedecked with rhinestones, and she wore it atop her head unironically, proudly, straightforwardly, with a purple dress. It sat atop her head, and she moved about with an energetic air of importance, standing, whispering to her mother, helping her sister. She wore her crown and knew her place -- one of belonging, responsibility, participation...
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Faith is in the turning (8/29/20)Recently I discovered the Anglo-Welsh poet R.S. Thomas, who was an Anglican priest at rural parishes throughout his life and searched for God in silence. What comforts and urges me on about his spirituality is that he understands the point is obedience to the choice of acting in faith. Reaping a benefit from that choice is not what it's about; the act of faithing is what matters...
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Resources for prayer to know the deep love of God (8/15/20)The other day, I came across this prayer by Saint John Henry Newman, which I remembered reading from attending the Newman Center during college. I want to share it with you. It says: "God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. ...
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Reflections on becoming (8/1/20)I remember the first time I heard Taylor Swift. I was 15, driving on Mount Auburn Road in Cape with my best friend who was newly 16. It was dark outside. "There's this girl named Taylor Swift ..." as she put in the CD. We listened to "Teardrops on My Guitar" first. ...
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Reflections on marriage and singlehood (7/18/20)This past weekend, I had the honor of witnessing the wedding of Courtney, one of my dearest friends and sisters in life, to her groom. It was a beautiful ceremony that gave all of the glory to God and began a marriage that I know will, too. God wills beautiful, sacramental marriages that are a physical sign of the way God loves the Church here on earth, and this is one of those. ...
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Our need for a good father (7/4/20)Recently, I watched the Netflix show "Outer Banks." While I wouldn't recommend it for people under 25 years of age (sorry, I think it's a show that was written in a purposefully highly-addictive manner and glamorizes much bad decision-making; viewers are in need of full prefrontal cortex development in order to be able to reflect fully on the show, and even then, some of the intense, graphically-displayed drug, alcohol, sex and violent content is too much), the characters are written in beautiful ways that highlight our need as humans for two things: purpose and a father who loves us.. ...
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We are free (6/20/20)My friend Emily recently reminded me that we are free. Jesus purchased us with the price of his life so we could walk in freedom and joy and love with him. He wants to be in relationship with us, to see what we will choose, to decide and live together. We don't have to complicate things. He wants us to enjoy being with him...
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Create a new rhythm in us, O God (6/6/20)This week, I've been given the gift of being at the ocean. As I stare at the waves and listen to them come in and go out, come in and go out, come in and go out, lines from spoken word poet Sarah Kay's poem "B (If I Should Have a Daughter)" keep coming to mind...
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Naming the animals (5/23/20)Sometimes it can be difficult to know how much of guiding my life is up to me and how much is up to God. How does my own free will and effort factor into receiving God's grace and allowing God to guide my life? We are shaping this together; who does what?...
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God is simple (5/9/20)Recently, my parents were putting the screens in windows for summertime. A key piece that holds things together fell out into the flower bed below. I heard them struggling to find it and thought maybe I could lend some assistance, so I decided to go help them look. It was a little metal piece in a sea of tall green flower stems, and I asked God to help us find it. Within a couple minutes, I accidentally stepped on it...
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The balance of being human (4/25/20)I like forward motion. It feels nice to know I am progressing toward something desirable, that my time is not being wasted but that I am actively creating change in a way that moves my life in the direction I am hoping to go. Maybe it's because I am the product of a generation who has had the world at our fingertips since we were in elementary school; it is difficult for us to be still, to be content and to accept what is before us...
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Be utterly amazed (4/11/20)It seems strange, writing about Easter when it doesn't feel like it. We haven't been able to meet together physically as the Body of Christ for a few weeks now, and even though we are united in spirit by the Spirit, our triumphant day as Christians feels a bit mournful, too. We don't get to meet together today. I feel a little bit like the tomb must have felt after Jesus left it, like an empty space hewn out all ready to hold and yet, hollow. Because he is not here...
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Reflections on beauty (3/28/20)"Beauty will save the world." Fyodor Dostoyevsky wrote those words in his 19th-Century novel "The Idiot," and Pope John Paul II referenced them in his 1999 "Letter to Artists." It's an idea that has rung in my head as especially true throughout these past few weeks as our society and world face the fear, chaos and self-preservation we have let ourselves fall into because of this pandemic...
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God is generous (3/14/20)Lately I've been thinking about the difference between taking and receiving. Although both result in the attainment of something, the method of attainment is fundamentally different. When we take something, we evidence an attitude of entitlement, impatience, self-sufficiency or perhaps distrust. When we receive something, we practice the attitudes of humility, gratitude and trust...
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You are dust (2/29/20)I love dirt. This deep love of soil and grit and regarding it as sacred comes, I think, from being from a farm that has been in our family for more than 120 years. The dirt gives us what we need, and it provides a place that is ours, lets us reside on it and work with it to create goodness, sustenance, life. It connects us to all who have come before us whom we have loved and who have loved us. It nurtures, it supports, it is...
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Looking at fruit (2/15/20)My brother has an extensive knowledge of trees. After working for several years at a hardwood company during high school and right after, he can identify trees in the woods just by looking at them, from their leaves and bark. It's such a cool skill to have, and something I really admire about him...
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Receiving and giving love (2/1/20)With Valentine's Day approaching, it's a good time to reflect upon all types of love in our lives, and on how we ourselves are receiving and giving love. After all, that's really what our mission is in life: to be loved and then to love. Some of the words that have had and continue to have the most profound impact on the way I think about and live out love are found in 1 John 4:7-21 (NAB). These words comfort and challenge, and have the power to transform our lives and world...
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Wisdom from a cow (1/18/20)I love cows. We have some on our farm, and I love walking through our fields talking to them. Sometimes, I stop and stretch out my hand to one of them. I hope she lets me make contact with her so I can show her my admiration for all she does through a touch on her nose or side. She looks at me with curiosity in her eyes. She hesitantly approaches with cautious steps. Usually, she's really just not sure...
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The already and the not yet (1/4/20)Something that struck me about Christmas this year is the truth of what we are celebrating. It is not a holiday only about the past; it is a holiday also about the future. It is a marking of our defiant hope as Christians despite the odds, and a statement of our trust in God, God's promises and God's faithfulness to us to do what God says God will do...
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Advent encourages us to hope (12/21/19)Sometimes, it hurts to hope. The suffering of waiting, of longing, of the "not yet" can seem futile and foolishly childish. It is easier to throw in the towel, to pretend like we never wanted it, anyway. But then, ushering us into winter, Advent comes. It reminds us: Even though it's getting dark and cold and barren, keep expecting. Keep longing. Keep hoping. Your God is coming in a more tangible way than you could have dreamt or asked for or imagined...
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'A beautiful day in the neighborhood' (12/7/19)In a movie theater, I like to stay until the very end of the credits. I can't jump up from a film and immediately enter back into normal life when I have been deeply affected by a piece of art I've given two hours of my life to; I need the transition time to usher me back into the space around me before being sent back out into the world. ...
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Being the answer to prayer (11/23/19)The other day, our dog was hit by a car. A woman who had driven by after came to our door and told us. I didn't know what I would do when I got to the road, but when I got there, she was already carrying him off of the road for us. It was a gesture of kindness, love and compassion that meant deeply to me because I hadn't known if I would be able to. It reminded me of God's love and provision for us...
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What Zacchaeus desired (11/9/19)In one way of reading it, the story of Zacchaeus the tax collector in Luke 19:1-10 seems to me to be a story of desire. It is a beautiful one. Here is a man living on the fringes of the society he belongs in; as a tax collector, he takes from his own people and because he is wealthy, probably takes more than he should. ...
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The many parts of the Body of Christ (10/26/19)The other day, I had the opportunity to help build a deck for someone. I had never really built anything before and hadn't really ever used power tools, either; it wasn't until after I said I would help I realized maybe this knowledge and skill set would come in handy. But alas, I was there, and we were building a deck, so I tried to learn what we were doing and be helpful...
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Happiness is gift (10/12/19)Happiness can be exhausting. Chasing after it, securing it, maintaining it -- even sometimes feeling it -- can wear me out. Our culture idolizes happiness and views it as the default state we should be existing in; it tells us if we aren't happy, something is wrong. Our culture tells us everything about our existence should make us happy: our job, our relationships, the place we live. It teaches us to chase the high of feeling good and to devalue things that might be hard or sad or unglamorous...
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Gibson Center transforms lives (9/28/19)I recently was honored to be in attendance at the Gibson Recovery Center's celebration of 40 years of service to the Southeast Missouri region. While there, I learned Gibson has served more than 50,000 clients working to get sober throughout the past 40 years -- an incredibly meaningful fact, when, as mayor Bob Fox stated, it is taken into consideration each of these 50,000 people's transformed lives also touched their family's and friends' lives, too...
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A position of total powerlessness (9/14/19)In the "On Being" podcast episode "Growing Up Men," Franciscan friar Richard Rohr talks about praying for "one good humiliation a day." He began doing this years ago when he realized he was growing used to the praise he received and would become easily defensive when someone didn't agree with him. ...
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Thoughts on generosity (8/31/19)A few years ago, I encountered an idea from Mary Rose O'Reilley's book "Radical Presence: Teaching as Contemplative Practice" that changed the way I think about completing mundane tasks and being stressed by busyness. A very loose paraphrase of the idea goes like this: when you feel like you don't have enough time, try taking more time to do things; it takes as long as it takes. ...
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Serving God over success (8/17/19)So often in our society, we are programmed to believe success is our ultimate goal. Success brings honor, admiration and respect. It brings a sense of accomplishment, recognition, attainment of a goal. At its best, it brings good into the world, heaven to earth, which is a beautiful thing...
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Appreciating beauty doesn't require buying it (8/3/19)I am happier when I have less. Let me explain. The other day, I bought a few things from a store. I didn't need the items, but I thought they were pretty. Instead of feeling satisfied by my purchases, however, I felt sad and a little bit guilty I spent money on bringing more things into my life when I already had other similar items I didn't use. It felt wasteful to our environment and to other people, as well as to my time...
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God wants to be with us (7/13/19)The Book of Genesis manifests a God who is deeply intimate with human beings. It is a book we can turn to when we need to be reminded God loves us. As one example: in Genesis 2:15-25, God creates animals and brings them to Adam, giving the power to name them over to a human being...
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A gesture of kindness (6/29/19)A couple of weeks ago, I was eating supper at a restaurant with a group of friends for our friends' birthdays. Our waitress was an incredible server: it was clear she loved her job, and that she received great joy and energy from interacting with people, going above and beyond to connect with each person and make their time in the restaurant fun. ...
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Rest in God (6/15/19)On a recent Friday, I felt tired. More than tired, actually; I felt exhausted, the kind where I questioned my ability to physically do one more thing. My strength was gone, and my will was gone; I felt physically, mentally and spiritually depleted. It had been a busy, hard week; I was done. I needed to rest...
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What God wants (6/1/19)Father Bill Kottenstette used to always say it to me when we talked about understanding God's will for my life: God wants what we want. At the time, it seemed too good to be true, and I barely dared to believe it. It seemed incredible to think the desires of my heart naturally a part of me, the way I was created, were what God placed in me to pursue and know God through. ...
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Having a dialogue with people who believe differently (5/18/19)I recently heard someone mention that Catholics believe only Catholics will be in Heaven. This is not true. If it were, it would be a pretty sad and self-congratulatory religion to follow. Nope. Instead, what the Catholic Church teaches is so incredibly exciting: the Church teaches salvation is found through Jesus Christ -- which means Heaven is also for other Christian denominations -- and also that there are elements of truth found in all religions...
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Empathizing with Thomas (5/4/19)When Jesus returns to his apostles in the locked room the first time after his resurrection, Thomas is not there. This throwaway phrase in John 20:26 (NAB) that opens up the story about Jesus' second appearance to the group is so interesting to me: "Now a week later." This phrase invites me into Thomas' experience: he had to wait for a whole week in solitude amidst everyone else's joy, understanding and firsthand experience...
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They did not yet understand (4/20/19)I always identify deeply with the stories in the Gospels that detail what happened after Jesus' Passion, that time in between the disciples' discovery of the empty tomb and God sending the gifts of the Holy Spirit and understanding to them. I love the humanity represented in these stories, the validity Scripture gives to being fully human. ...
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A meditation on kindness (4/6/19)I recently got to spend a few days in Portland, Oregon. The word I would use to describe Portland is "kind." Portland is kind and open. I noticed this, especially, in three instances: people engaged with me, smiling, saying hello and asking questions on the sidewalks and public transportation. Each person who exited the back doors of the bus yelled to the bus driver in the front, "Thank you!" as they left. And people who had homes did not hold people who did not at arm's length...
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Living in the present (3/23/19)It can be easy to get caught up in making plans for the future as a way to try to understand it, as a way to escape from the present, as a way to feel we know our purpose and can adhere to it. It can also be easy to make mapping out a plan for the future more difficult than it needs to be, focusing on understanding "God's will" in a way that distracts us from doing God's will in the present moment...
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Be it wholeheartedly (3/9/19)Being in my 20s has been a lot of learning to be at peace with not having clear-cut paths or definitive answers. It has been a process of learning: be who you are, where you are, with whoever you're with. And be it wholeheartedly. Which is, perhaps, exactly what makes the 20s so darn beautiful and so darn hard...
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The beauty of Cain's mark (2/23/19)Some of the most beautiful verses in Scripture, in my opinion, are found in Genesis 4:1-16, which tell the story of Cain killing his younger brother Abel. When I discovered these verses as an adult, they took me by surprise: I remembered the murder part, but I didn't remember ever before hearing of God's tenderness in these verses, or of God's deep love and care for Cain, even after he has killed his brother. ...
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Service at home (2/9/19)So many times, we focus on Jesus' Great Commission, in which he tells his disciples to go out into all the world to make disciples. Often, too, we focus on the ways in which the apostles dropped their lives and left the places of their birth to follow Jesus, going to new places to share his love...
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Winter branches, snow and God's love (1/26/19)It took a long time for it to get around to snowing this winter. We got snow briefly for a day or so in November, and then nothing. For two months, the trees have sat brown, the sky has alternated between gray and sunny days, and the grass in many places has slowly turned to pale yellow and brown-green, but no snow. It can look barren and bleak...
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Hate isn't the opposite of love (1/12/19)Hate causes a lot of pain in the world. It causes damage to others and ourselves. I don't think hate is the opposite of love, though. No. It is a mask to hide behind what we really mean, a way to justify our anger so we can stay angry, rather than doing the hard work of healing. ...
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The beauty of the Christmas season (12/29/18)The world has moved on from Christmas, but the Church is in the middle of the Christmas season, which ends with the feast of the Baptism of the Lord, this year on Jan. 13. For the Church, the season of celebration and fulfillment begins on Christmas day; everything leading up to it is Advent, the time of waiting and longing and expectation, the time when things are unfulfilled, and we wonder if they ever will be...
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Seeing Christ in others (12/15/18)It happened at the cake bar in Regensburg, Germany, a humble little hole-in-the-wall place where I witnessed what it means to love strangers self-sacrificially, deeply and joyfully: two hip, late-twenty-something tattooed men served me, my family and the other customers in the cafe as if we were Christ...
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What you seek (12/1/18)In a village of 2,000 people in western Germany, strangers helped me understand more deeply what Jesus means in Matthew 7:7 (NAB). It goes like this: "Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you."...
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The sacredness of agony (11/17/18)I don't love cathedrals. I appreciate their effort and ability to withstand, but give me humble origins any day. The Dom of St. Peter in Regensburg, Germany, is different. I walked into it a couple weeks ago. Inside, it was dark. I was struck by the artwork: this was a cathedral about human suffering and what it means to be human. It was fascinating and encouraging to me that people had chosen this artwork for a cathedral...
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A quiet place (11/3/18)I recently watched the movie "A Quiet Place" -- which was released in April 2018 -- and was deeply moved by it. The film was directed by Jon Krasinski (you might know him as Jim from the television show "The Office"), who also co-wrote the screenplay and stars in it with his real-life wife, Emily Blunt. The movie is the rare kind that combines intellect, emotion and truth: it is a smart film with heart...
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Reclaim the unity (10/20/18)When my friends and I are visiting each other's towns, we like to worship together at one another's churches. Some of us are Catholic and some of us are Protestant, and we go together to the church of the person whose town we're in, regardless of denomination...
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A pilgrimage of love (10/6/18)I know it's about a month early, but I'm thinking about the term "pilgrim." The pilgrims we pay homage to around Thanksgiving time struck out to an unknown land seeking religious freedom. In fact, a definition of "pilgrim," according to dictionary.com is "a person who journeys to a sacred place for religious reasons." Today, when all the world has been settled and explored, perhaps the last frontier, the one place it is yet up to us to explore, is the depth of our own soul. ...
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Overcoming fear of death (9/22/18)A couple of weeks ago, my grandpa died. He was a member of a generation I am sad to see passing away; a generation of people whose straightforward wisdom and code of honor has much to teach our current culture. My grandpa had many qualities that mark the rural population of his generation: he was a farmer for whom faith was a simple matter. ...
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Church needs healing (9/8/18)The cases of abuse and efforts to hide this abuse within the Church have left its members hurting, left many of its members wondering what to do. This is a Church I love. I love it because it encompasses everyone, because it is a Church of deep mystery, a Church of love. ...
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What happens between plans (8/25/18)The past few weeks have been hectic. My life has seemed like one perpetual to-do list, and there are always more items "to do." At times it has felt like I'm in survival mode, with my one goal to plow through the task at hand so I can make it through to the next one. Ideally, I'd like to feel that sense of accomplishment of finally reaching the end of the list, crossing off all the items. Every. Single. One...
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Complaining in the promised land (8/11/18)In Exodus 16, the Israelites are complaining again. They are in the desert, freshly out of slavery in Egypt, and telling God they wish he would have let them die back in Egypt. They would rather have went out as someone else's possession with enough to eat than as free men and women who are hungry...
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The reality of God (7/28/18)The other day at Mass, the priest used a word that struck me: reality. He encouraged us to work towards the reality of God here on earth. I am so often used to encountering a world that says God is not reality and living in contrast to this that I forget: the God who I live for, and all of his promises, are reality. They are true. I can live that way...
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Abandon self-consciousness (6/16/18)The other weekend I sat outside a coffee shop, listening to a jazz duo play Carole King and Van Morrison. All of a sudden, a little girl walking by stood in front of us. The girl was around four years old, wearing a pink dress with popsicles printed on it. ...
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Sacrifice to make our country better, safer (6/2/18)In Mark 10:17-31, Jesus tells the man who asks how to inherit eternal life: sacrifice for the good of your neighbors. My favorite line comes in verse 21, just before Jesus asks the young man to give away everything he owns: "Jesus, looking at him, loved him."...
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The gift of understanding foreign languages (5/19/18)The first weekend I lived in Athens, Greece, I got left at the beach alone. I was an hour and a half away from our house, and all of my friends had gotten on an overcrowded bus I couldn't push my way on to. I didn't yet have phone service, I didn't yet know how to work the public transportation system and I didn't yet speak Greek. ...
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Rejoice and be glad (5/5/18)The first time my friend Claire and I returned to Father Bill's grave in Kirksville, we danced. The whip and nae nae, right there in the cemetery, by the road where people driving by could see us. It was the only response we could find, the only way we could express our gratitude, joy, grief, need, and deep, deep love for this man who had been a father, deepest friend and God to us...
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Being present and active belief (4/21/18)A couple of weeks ago I got to go to Kirksville, Missouri, a place I love deeply. While I was there, I got to see so many of the people whom I love and am loved by. We got to sit, talk, be present with each other. We were content and happy to be together, without expectations, enjoying each other's presence, reminding me once again that it is showing up that matters. I am grateful for the people in my life who show up, who are present to me, who love me...
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The gift of restlessness (4/7/18)Some of my favorite readings in Scripture come in Luke's and John's Gospels after the resurrection of Jesus. In these verses, there's an unsureness amongst the disciples about what to do next. They're hanging out together in upper rooms, in boats, on country roads, talking about all that has happened, their disappointments and their questions about what might come next. They're eating, praying, fishing...
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Faith on a doubting day (3/24/18)From the cross, the last words that Jesus cries are, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" These are powerful words that Jesus gives to us in Mark 15:34, words that liberate us from the need to pretend before our God. This prayer is one that at once questions, as well as demonstrates profound faith. ...
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The gift of hope in God (3/10/18)I recently watched Josh Garrels' 2013 documentary "The Sea in Between," an art piece of depth, soul, beauty and truth that follows Garrels and other musicians to Mayne Island, British Columbia, for a week of music making, invitation and creation. It is a film that revels in God, nature and communion...
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Lent: A fast way to slow down (2/24/18)We live in a society of throwaway and convenience. We don't often think about how our actions affect others around the world, or how our actions affect the people of the future. We eat at fast food restaurants and throw away plastic forks after one use. ...
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Putting self aside (2/10/18)I have been thinking about the relationship of frustration to selfishness, and how my frustration often comes because I am putting my own needs before others'. When I focus on myself and feel like my wants aren't being met, I begin to feel angry and resentful. When I turn my view from myself, however, and instead fix my gaze on Christ and on how I can love others through him, I find the burden of my wants gains some perspective. Other people have needs, too. It's not all about me...
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Looking inside to help outside (1/27/18)I have been thinking recently about the way the individual relates to the community, about how sometimes we need to ponder things ourselves and sometimes we need to ask for others' wisdom and experience. Mary, Jesus' mother, lived the balance of this in her own life. ...
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The quietness of God (1/13/18)The joyful hubbub and busy-ness of the holidays are over, and we are in the midst of the quiet of January. I think January has much to teach us in its calm: it's in the quiet that time and space are made to hear God more easily. We have a quiet God who affects change over thousands of years: A God who comes to his people through grand gestures, yes, and also through small voices. ...
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The new and the old (12/30/17)To me, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day always feel like a held breath, a still pause. They are moments within that we reflect on what has passed and wait in hopeful expectation to be set into motion. I think this is how Mary and Joseph must have felt when they brought Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem to present him to the Lord. ...
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Teens provide reminders (12/16/17)I'd like to take some time to praise a group who I think are some of the coolest people around: teenagers. This past semester, I've had the privilege of working as a student teacher, learning from and with juniors and seniors in high school. My students never cease to amaze me with their insight, creativity and hilarity -- they are truly good people who want good in the world...
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Giving despite meager resources (12/2/17)I admire people who are all in no matter if they're winning or losing, whether they're brilliant or awful at what they're doing. It's an admirable quality because it shows security in abandonment. It takes trust and faith that there is something or someone bigger that makes our own efforts and judgments less important. This larger security net gives us permission to stop playing it cool, and instead be passionate...
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Looking through contemplative prayer (11/19/17)Prayer is looking. In a small village somewhere in France, a parish priest named John Vianney goes about his day, bustling in and out of the church to meet with parishioners, hear confessions, grab some papers he forgot in the sacristy. It's the 1800s and he's not a saint yet. ...
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Opening ourselves for growth (11/5/17)A farmer sees the tired, hardened soil that is ready to be seeded once more, soil counted on for the harvest he needs. He knows it does not bear fruit overnight. So, the farmer first invests his time, labor and love into plowing the patch, breaking up the earth and turning it over, exposing the soft underside that weathered the winter below the cracked surface. The hardened ground served its purpose, and now its thawing as Earth tilts toward the sun gives the farmer permission, says it's time...
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Living in all cirmcumstances (10/22/17)Last Sunday the Gospel reading was from Philippians 4:12-13 (NAB). In these verses Paul writes, "I know how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need. I can do all things in him who strengthens me."...
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Asking others to listen can be fruitful for all (10/8/17)The other day I was struggling with my emotions and needed to talk. I called my friend because I knew she would understand. Once I'd finished talking, she said that it meant a lot that I'd asked her to listen to me, because she feels like she always asks me to listen to her when she's experiencing a problem. ...
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All the same in God's eyes (9/24/17)Today, I am placing myself in a setting told in one of the Gospel stories. I am in the marketplace. It is busy, crowded, colorful. There are people selling, yelling and interacting. I stand idle. I have nothing to add, nothing to engage me with these other people, no excuse to engage with them. ...
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Do your best instead of worrying (9/10/17)Sometimes it's hard to tell whether what I'm doing is making a difference. I've been thinking about this specifically with teaching teenagers in a high-school classroom. While some days, it's incredibly rewarding, other days, I wonder whether what we're doing is even important at all, whether any of my students are getting anything they actually need out of reading Walden and writing paragraphs and learning more vocabulary...
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Embracing it all (8/27/17)This semester I'm student teaching at a school that is a bit of a commute away each day. While on my drive, I recently listened to Coldplay's album "A Head Full of Dreams" in full for the first time. I've hardly stopped listening to it since and am amazed by it, grateful for it and glad it is new to me in my life right now, if not new to the world (it was released in 2015)...
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Trusting the presence of God (8/13/17)My friend Father Bill loved sunflowers. Behind his desk, he kept a painting of a field of sunflowers that a student had made for him, and he would tell the other students and me, "Be like a sunflower -- always keep your face turned toward the sun." A few weeks ago we planted sunflowers at the greenhouse where I work. They didn't bloom for a week or so, and we were all waiting...
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Enduring love is the true backup to memories (7/30/17)The storage on my phone has been full for a while and I've been ignoring it, trying to cram every last screenshot, email and text message onto it as is humanly possible. Thus, while my family and I were recently on vacation in the mountains, I thought I could outsmart my phone's storage space by taking all of my photos using Snapchat and saving them to the app's "my memories" feature, intending to screenshot them once I got home. Voilá -- I would have pictures without needing to delete anything...
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Mountains arise throughout Scripture (7/16/17)I love to hike, especially in the mountains. My family and I recently traveled to the Tetons, and this range has me thinking about all of the things mountains are in Scripture: places of worship, sacrifice, transfiguration, reconciliation, promises kept and revelation...
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Our duty is to love, not judge (7/2/17)I recently had a conversation with a friend in which he told me he stopped going to church because he felt judged by the people there for certain decisions he'd made in the past. He was hurt by others' judgment and also found these people hypocritical...
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Loving unconditionally (6/18/17)Living things' nature tends toward life. At the greenhouse where I work, we often cut back flowers, cutting off the blooms. We aren't afraid of losing the blooms, aren't afraid they won't grow back; we get rid of the blooms knowing the plant will bloom again, we get rid of them so the plant can grow back healthier and better-shaped. Sometimes this cutting back is even needed to save the plant's life...
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Understanding interdependence (6/4/17)Because I recently taught college students who are transitioning into adulthood and am navigating the transition from being a student to life after school myself, I have been thinking lately about interdependence and how to balance being both an individual and part of a community -- specifically, part of a family...
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The beauty of the middle (5/21/17)The past two years during graduate school, I've worked at a family-owned cafe in Kirksville, Missouri. My co-workers and the regular customers at this place have become another family to me. I am grateful for the way they've so completely received me and allowed me to reside in their hearts and lives, grateful for the way they took me in and allowed me to be one of their own...
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Living belief (5/7/17)In John 10:10 (NAB), Jesus says, "A thief comes only to steal and slaughter and destroy; I came so that they might have life and have it more abundantly." What are the places in our own lives, our country and our world in which there is absence, death and destruction?...
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Jesus is alive (4/23/17)The Road to Emmaus is one of my favorite Gospel stories because it's so human. Two disciples think it's over. It's the third day and it seems unlikely Jesus has risen like he said he would. They hardly dare to hope what they've heard is true, that Jesus' body is gone from the tomb...
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Lazarus: A story for mind, heart and body (4/9/17)I love the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead in John 11:1-44. I love it because I get to read about people Jesus loved personally, and see his interactions with them. I get to see how he loved Martha and Mary, how he valued them, how he treated them as equals and required the men around him to do the same. I love the agency, boldness and honesty with which these women speak with Christ, and I love that our Lord provides for their intellectual, emotional and physical needs...
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His wounds heal (3/26/17)"By his wounds we were healed." This verse, Isaiah 53:5 (NAB), caught my attention the other day. This chapter prophesies a servant who will suffer for the people of Israel, taking their sins upon him and ultimately dying in their place. What I noticed in this verse is how one person's wounds bring healing to other people. Jesus' wounds become our freedom...
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Lent calls for examination of discipline (3/12/17)I really love bread. Any form of it -- sourdough, bagels, cake, pasta, pizza crust. Carbs are my weakness; bread is my favorite food. During Lent, I'm fasting from it. Through choosing not to eat it, I'm finding that I go to bread for gratification, to get me through writing unpleasant papers, to fill me up when I'm hungry...
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Stop, look and listen (2/26/17)Today, inspired by an article on teaching I'd read, I had my creative-writing students empty their pockets, take off their watches and leave behind their bags and books and phones. Their task? Go out into the world and pay attention. When they came back, we wrote and talked about it...
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Finding our equilibrium (2/12/17)Something this past transition of power has brought to the forefront in our country is the intolerance of many people for people whose ideas align with the other party. The media, too, are especially guilty. We have to begin seeing the person first, before their ideals, before our ideals. We have to realize people's unique experiences create their ideologies and beliefs, and all these experiences and concerns are valid...
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Turning the bad into good (1/29/17)Recently, I had a conversation with someone in which they referred to themselves as a "bad Catholic." I feel sad when someone claims this term -- or the term "bad Christian" or "bad person" -- as a description of themselves. From my experience of God, these terms are a misunderstanding of who God is and what God's priorities are. These terms forget that "God is love" (1 John 4:8), and that love changes everything...
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Measuring love (1/15/17)Sometimes I am guilty of measuring my love, especially with my family. I want everyone to know the sacrifices I'm making, and I make sure to verbalize how my sacrifices are inconveniencing to me. I want others to feel indebted to me for my sacrifices, to place me on a pedestal and laud me for my goodness...
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Movement toward God (1/1/17)New. It's funny the beginning of a new year comes in wintertime, when everything seems dead, when -- here, at least -- it's cold, there are no leaves on the trees and nature seems to tell you to retreat into yourself. It's a funny time to use the word "new," a word I associate more with the green of spring, blossoming, visible growth...
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A yearning spirit (12/18/16)A few weeks ago, I felt my spirit was yearning and aching, and I found myself being afraid of that. A yearning spirit felt like a threat to my contentment, a threat to my ability to ignore my own poverty (and therefore others') and a threat to my ability to do things on my own and be OK. I wasn't sure why I was feeling this...
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Always learning (12/4/16)My friend Julie is a new mom who gave birth to her daughter Lucy six months ago. Recently while talking with Julie, she told me about how organically her daughter learns new things. Lucy doesn't try to learn things; she learns them naturally, when it's time for her to do so...
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Finding grace in the middle ground (11/20/16)Our country is reeling. This election has brought this to the forefront. We've drawn a distinct line down the middle and chosen our sides. We are wounding each other, and in that, wounding ourselves and the idea of our country. Perhaps our country was never whole to begin with, and our challenge is not healing something that is broken, but rather from the raw materials of inequality, hatred, hope and hard work we have inherited, building something that is whole...
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Following God's road (11/6/16)I really like to drive, but I don't like driving in the dark. I never can see as well as I can in the daytime, and the way curves in the road seem to appear out of nowhere in the dark often scares me. Not very many situations cause me to feel tense, but when driving in the dark, I usually find myself gripping the steering wheel tightly and not breathing as often as I should...
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Finding comfort in God (10/23/16)Recently I've become mysteriously allergic to my couch: When I sit on it, I itch. The same was true, for a brief moment, of my bed and carpet. I thought the problem might be dust mites, so I mite-proofed and had everything steam cleaned. This worked for my carpet and bed, but was to no avail with my couch...
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Finding wholeness in God (10/9/16)My friend recently sent me a quote from social researcher Hugh Mackay's book "The Good Life": "The idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness ... We're kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position ... Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure."...
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Offering all of our authentic selves (9/25/16)One of my professors recently made this comment about the character of Edmund from Jane Austen's "Mansfield Park": "Because Edmund likes Miss Crawford, he is willing to do anything to get close to her, even if that means being inconsistent with himself."...
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Going to God to find rest (9/11/16)I love to take naps, the 20- to 30-minute power kind, as a reprieve from the busy-ness of the day. My family and friends enjoy poking fun at me for this, and because of their loving teasing, I admit that I do have a bit of personal interest in defending napping...
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Allowing God to use our experiences (8/28/16)Several months ago, I read a post on the musician Kimbra's blog in which she wrote about the tattoo she'd recently gotten to memorialize time she'd spent in Ethiopia. To her, the tattoo stood as a visual reminder that these deeply impactful experiences couldn't be taken away from her -- like the ink in her skin, they had become a part of her, no matter where she was on the globe...
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Take it all (8/14/16)I'm realizing that pursuit of plans, dreams and desires -- even good ones -- can make our lives full and leave our souls empty if we're using them as gods instead of seeking our true God and letting him sustain us. In his song "Most of the Air," Zach Winters sings, "You sought me without flag, so I know. I know." Until recently, I have always misunderstood this line as, "You saw me without plans, so I know. I know."...
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Solitude and community (7/31/16)This past week I went to a Coldplay concert. I don't think I've ever experienced music that allows me to feel my own solitude and my sole existence within a larger community of people simultaneously like I did at this concert. Before going into the stadium, each person was given a light-up wristband to wear during the show. The wristbands lit up during certain songs...
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Daily bread (7/17/16)One of my favorite parts of the Lord's Prayer is the line that says, "Give us this day our daily bread." I love this line because of its abandon to trust that God knows the sort of bread we need for this particular day that's before us, and that God will provide it. I love that the request is for something simple and basic, that in this we ask for only what we need and leave the details up to God...
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'Small things with great love' (7/3/16)I've spent some time being angry and bitter about loss, angry and bitter that I don't have what I want. I've wanted new places and grandeur and instead have found myself in the familiar and often unglamorous. I've found anger and bitterness distract from gratitude, which brings joy and freedom...
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Finding solidarity in community (6/19/16)One of the greatest challenges -- and joys -- we get to experience in life is learning how to live in community with others. I think this has to start with our family and extend to our workplace, city, country and global society. Catholic Worker Movement founder Dorothy Day lived and understood love as a gritty business. ...
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'As simple as bread and dust' (6/5/16)We are bread and dust, and this has been amazing me. This past week I went to a Corpus Christi procession and a funeral, and was reminded of our humble existence as humans and the incredible love with which God surrounds us. I love that Jesus demonstrates his humanity to his disciples after he rises from the dead by eating breakfast with them. In eating with another, we are reminded of our shared human condition of perishability and need for fulfillment...
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Living contemplatively (5/22/16)I have been thinking about what it means to live contemplatively, to slow down and be in the things I'm doing instead of seeing them as obstacles, as tasks to get done in order to get on to something else. Living contemplatively, I think, opens us up to the present moment and to gratitude for it...
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Having faith in God to provide (5/8/16)Lately I've been thinking about God as provider and how he gives me everything I need as gift. As the semester comes to a close, there are ample moments for me to remember and learn it's not just the tangible things I can trust God to provide, but also the intangible, unseeable ones...
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Allowing God to love and transform (4/24/16)This semester, I'm taking a writing class that has not been working out for me. Usually in the creative process for any major project, I fumble around for a while -- the first half of a semester -- failing miserably and repeatedly until finally something falls into place, and I figure out what I'm trying to communicate...
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'I am going fishing' (4/12/16)“I am going fishing.” There’s something profound about these words Simon Peter speaks in John 21:3 after Jesus has appeared to the disciples twice, when they are still unsure of what happens next. There is something of resolve and hope in this declaration that brings me to tears...
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Letting God grow within for what will be (3/27/16)What I am attracted to most of all, what seems to understand me and my heart's longing most deeply, is all of the waiting that happens, especially in John's gospel, after Jesus' body is taken down from the cross. All of the not understanding, the way everything seems over, but it's not. The way things were building to a climax, and then the followers seem stuck in the falling action with no resolution...
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Allowing ourselves to be seen (2/28/16)There is something about 1 John 3:2 that resounds in the depths of my longings: "We shall see him as he is." The words "as he is" ring true in me; I want to be seen as I am, I want to see others as they are. I want to see with a holiness that is an act of the present, that accepts something as it is, someone for who they are, at the moment of seeing. It is a foreshadowing of what is to come between me and my God: to someday see him as he is...
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Finding God in consolation and desolation (2/14/16)Lately I've felt like a desert -- dry, uninspired, unresolved, stuck like a cactus in this place Jesus is coming to be tried in. I was reminded of two terms I'd heard when I was younger: desolation and consolation. The way St. Ignatius of Loyola conceived of it in the 1500s, according to Loyola Press' Ignatian Spirituality website, is that in times of consolation, "good spirits" move us closer to God and others, and we bask in the goodness of God visibly at work in our lives. ...
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Giving gratitude to God (1/31/16)This past week at church, I sat in my chair feeling overwhelmed by loss, stuck and sad. Nehemiah 8:10 was part of the reading: "Today is holy to our Lord. Do not be saddened this day; for rejoicing in the Lord must be your strength!" These words met me exactly where I was, a reminder of who I am and who God is...
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Avoiding 'itsy-bitsy' living (1/17/16)I've been thinking about how brave it is to let things and people matter to us, to let them mean deeply. When things matter, we are high stakeholders, holding a lot of ourselves out in the open without the protection of excuses, pretense or pretending. We can get hurt, look foolish or fail. But we risk because it is worth it...
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Searching for new and old in God (1/3/16)It's a new year -- a day when we realize, remember and celebrate that a whole year has passed, and now we get more days. Thank you, God. Amid the hope for the future and gratitude for the past, time remains a mystery, one that amazes and frustrates me, leaves me powerless and has something deep to teach me...
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'Have faith in me' (12/20/15)"In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be. What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:1-5, NAB)...
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Advent is here (12/6/15)At Mass the other day, Father Jim French spoke about Jesus' second coming in relation to Advent, instead of Jesus' coming as a baby, which is what I usually think I'm waiting for during Advent. He brought our attention to the line "Thy kingdom come" from the Lord's Prayer, and talked about how we can do this in our daily lives...
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Contemplating the temple of God (11/22/15)The other day, I was reading John 2:13-22, in which Jesus becomes angry and drives the merchants out of the temple area. I have always thought of this passage as referring to the literal temple, the place that Jesus, the merchants and livestock were inhabiting at the moment when Jesus drove them out...
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The meaning is in existing (11/8/15)I don't always really know what to say, I don't always understand things. Sometimes I see pieces and not the whole, sometimes I am lost in the middle of parts of something that don't yet make sense. Sometimes I am in the middle of experiencing, and there isn't yet resolution...
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Reconciliation reminds us we're forgiven (10/25/15)My life was transformed in the confessional. It was here that I said out loud all of my deepest fears and things I was most ashamed of and was told I am enough. It was here I was looked on in love when I most expected to be rejected. It was here Jesus spoke healing and wisdom and laughter to me...
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What we teach, and what we don't teach (10/11/15)Recently, at Mass, I was a lot of questions; the words, the silence, the people, the gestures, you, were not a lot of answers. "When I lived with the roots / I liked them more than the flowers / and when I talked with a stone, / it rang like a bell," Neruda once wrote...
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Living our existence in gratitude (9/27/15)It was golden hour a couple of weeks ago, and I was walking to Mass at the church I'd attended during undergrad, where Father Bill had been chaplain. I hadn't been there since his funeral in April. A lyric my friend Claire Moore wrote in her song "Smile For You" was running through my head: "It's true I still miss you in every way. Time doesn't heal all of the pain, but it's time for me to accept the things I cannot change."...
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Rejection and the ability to receive (9/13/15)The other day, during discussion in class, I sat silently dismissing each of my classmates' thoughts as irrelevant; I didn't contribute my own thoughts. As I sat there, I remembered the words I'd recently read by DOM Mauro Giuseppe Lepori about the scene from John 6:22-71, in which Jesus reveals his flesh is the living bread of life and many of his followers leave because this teaching is too difficult for them...
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I know these things not to be true because ... (8/30/15)The airplane has just lifted off the Athens runway, and I'm leaving our home there for the last time. I am looking out the window when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look over, and it's Courtney holding out one of her earbuds to me. I put it in my right ear and hear "Called Me Higher" by All Sons and Daughters, a song that comforted me so much throughout my early years of college. I haven't heard this song in a long time, haven't really heard music like this in a while, and it is so right...
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Seeking and receiving help to untangle life's struggles (8/16/15)Father Bill always said we are the real gifts, and during collection time, as we place our monetary gifts in the basket, and as the gifts of bread and wine are brought forward, we should place ourselves on the altar. We should place our struggles there, too, and believe they and ourselves, like the other gifts, can be transformed...
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Be still -- and be -- God tells us (8/2/15)I am thinking again of how holy it is to be, of how amazing it is to get to exist and to have been created human. I am thinking of how much worth God places in being human, to have become one himself, and how much worth he places in being, to call himself I AM...
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Farewell to a family of friends in Athens (7/19/15)Yesterday I watched four of my dearest friends -- I don't even know if "friend" is an appropriate word; they are so much more than that, they are my family -- walk away from our life together here in Athens. Tomorrow it will be my turn. I have grown up in this place, have stepped into what I've always dreamed about and wanted and who I've wanted to be; or at least I'm closer. ...
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All are worthy to be seen and known (7/5/15)We were discussing a photo pinned to the board during one of my college photography classes. It showed the white stripes of a parking space in a Wal-Mart lot. The shadow of a shopping cart fell across them. Having been conditioned from an early age -- probably back on some well-meaning children's television show or in the early grades of school -- to see shadows as gray, I assumed they were, without really questioning it, so what I saw in the picture was gray cement, beneath white lines, beneath gray shadow.. ...
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An overwhelming desire to be made new (6/21/15)Lately I have been experiencing a lot of separation and unfulfilled desires, counting the cost of everything. I haven't been generous, I haven't been love, I haven't been a lot of things I want to be. I have been being my own judge, finding myself unworthy and allowing this judgment to keep me from moving forward and doing good again...
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Suddenly, the light was all gold and catching in the wet (6/7/15)I wrote to my friend Claire a couple of weeks ago: "Right now, the world seems gray, and I need a sunset." We were riding a train through the Romanian countryside, me and Missy. I was having a hard time accepting God's grace and having grace for myself. It had been forests and tunnels and villages in fields throughout the ride, and we were talking...
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When God lets the people be God to him (5/24/15)The problem with loving someone is that when they leave, it hurts. In the past few weeks since Father Bill died, I have been experiencing loss in a way I never have before. I never realized how much it means to have someone know everything about you and still love you. I never realized how much the rhythm of my life was marked by Father Bill and our talks, sharing news, joys and questions, exchanging wisdom, revealing God, just in talking...
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God is in and through everyone and everything (5/10/15)There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium," in which Mr. Magorium, who is 243 years old, is about to leave the earth because he bought enough of a certain favorite kind of shoes to last a lifetime and is wearing thin his last pair. Molly Mahoney, one of his dearest friends, begs him not to leave...
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This is Rome, and this is home (4/26/15)Maybe it was foolish to go alone for a week to a country where the only words of the Italian language I knew were "ciao," from watching too many bad chick flicks when I was younger, and all-important English cognates like "pizza." Maybe it was naive of me to think everyone in Italy would speak English and all would go smoothly...
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The meaningful small actions of the passion of Christ (4/12/15)Here in Greece we're celebrating Easter a week later, in solidarity with the Greek Orthodox Church, so I've been thinking lately about the events leading up to Jesus' Passion. I have always been drawn to the Last Supper scene in John's Gospel. I love hearing John's account of Jesus' words, to get to hear Jesus pray for his disciples and for me. ...
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The challenges, excitement and rewards of teaching (3/29/15)If you want to be challenged by others' wills and understanding, forced to rely on God for patience and energy and amazed daily, become a teacher. If you want to see God through other people in ways you didn't think he existed, be taken by surprise, have your own assumptions humbled, become a teacher. ...
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Even fear can be used to draw us closer to God (2/15/15)I think we've been getting it wrong. Growing up, I was always taught the opposite of love is hate. Throughout the past few years, I've realized thinking like this sells ourselves short, sells love and its depth short. Oversimplifies it. Maybe it's true hate is an antonym of love, depending on which qualities we're focusing on...
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I believe in God, at its most basic (2/1/15)A copy of the Nicene Creed hangs on the wall above my bed. I've hung it in whatever room I've lived in away from home ever since I read somewhere during my junior year of college the quote by St. Augustine: "Let the Creed be like a mirror for you. Look at yourself in it to see whether you really believe all that you claim to believe. And rejoice everyday in your faith."...
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A difficult age of complication, confusion and the cross (1/18/15)What people never tell you is that 22 is hard. Maybe the closest anyone got was telling you it's happy, free, confusing and lonely -- at the same time. And that there is some amount of dancing involved, if you have any hope of getting through it. But not many people ever come right out and say it, so I'm going to: Being 22 is hard...
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A created thing is an expression of its creator (1/4/15)This Christmas I was blessed with the gift of coming home from Athens to surprise my family. Their joy at having me here and my joy at being here with them is making me think once again about how much our presence is a gift to the world and the people in our lives...
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Christmas nostalgia, a bit of sadness, joy that is incomplete (12/21/14)Now I am in the stable. I bend to touch the straw on the ground, bring a handful to my nose and breathe in deep, pick out a single piece and stick it in my mouth, bite down on the hollow stalk that tastes of something I cannot name, and salt. Where are you? Running your hand along the splintered wood of the wall? Writing your name in trough-water mud with the toe of your boot? Over petting the cow, whose coat is moist in the heat? Maybe in a moment I will join you -- I have always wanted to feel the fur, but never quite gotten close enough.. ...
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'Our heart is restless until it rests with you' (12/7/14)Advent is all about longing. Longing for Christ to come, to be born in us. Longing for something better, to be part of something more, for something to finally fulfill us. This longing brings with it a restlessness to seek, to keep seeking. We feel a long way off; there is a journey...
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Saying 'yes' to what God calls you to, and overcoming fear of failure in life (11/23/14)Last summer, I had a wonderful internship experience at a newspaper in St. Louis. My first day on the job, I read a handbook the previous intern had written for new interns. As I was reading, one specific sentence stuck out to me. It said, "Say 'yes' to everything."...
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We are created for relationship, with our hearts open (11/9/14)Two weekends ago I went to Skopje, Macedonia, which turned out to be one of my favorite places I've ever been, as well as the birthplace of Mother Teresa, two really nice surprises to me. While there, I was able to go to the Mother Teresa memorial house, where I bought a cross with this saying of hers on it: "If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."...
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My strength and my shield (10/12/14)I have spent a lot of mental energy throughout my life trying to protect myself, to figure out what will be accepted by people and then fulfilling that. I put up walls of "coolness" -- overrated, for sure -- that keep me, yes, from being rejected, but also from fully experiencing life and contributing all I am to others...
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A free gift of self to be set free (9/28/14)The other day, outside a grocery store, I met a woman named Katerine who was asking people for money. As I sat on the curb waiting for my friend, Katerine turned around and said something to me in Greek. I apologized for not speaking the language, and she nodded her head and turned back around. For the next few minutes I struggled between wanting to talk with her and my fear, until I saw another woman hand Katerine some money. This woman's example of sharing gave me the courage to do the same...
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Noticing God on a bus, and all around (9/14/14)I have officially moved to a suburb of Athens, Greece, where I'll be living and teaching during the next year. What I've been struck by most since I've been here is God's presence with me, his care and provision and how others are Christ to me. Moving to a completely new environment has opened me up to noticing the sweet ways God tells me moment by moment that he loves me, has allowed me to realize and live my dependence on him...
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Caught up in beauty and goodness (8/31/14)I recently saw the movie "The Giver," and I was blown away. I read the book when I was in elementary school, and hadn't remembered much about it, except that it was really good. The movie version didn't disappoint, either; it is one of those rare movies that makes me grateful to be human and reawakens me to all of the beauty in this world. The movie has soul, and it touched mine...
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To have a simple heart (8/17/14)Many times in life, I make things more complicated than they are. I have this wonderful ability to analyze and think deeply, a natural capacity cultivated by being an English major at a liberal arts college. I am grateful for this ability to think critically and deeply, and treasure it as one of my greatest gifts, because it nurtures my ability to understand myself and express my understanding -- or lack thereof -- in words...
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Feeling the pain of those mired in violence (8/3/14)It seems to me that our world is becoming increasingly more violent. I'm not sure if this is actually true, or if the world has always been this way and we are just more aware of it now because of global connectedness and the media's focus on it. Either way, there is a lot of un-love in this world, a lot of pain and hard-heartedness and holes in people crying out to be healed and made whole and just wanting to feel OK, trying to fill their emptiness in all the wrong ways. ...
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Soulfulness meets a need for God (7/20/14)A few weeks ago I had the privilege of participating in a spirituality group for men who don't have homes, and many of whom previously struggled with addiction. The evidence that God has transformed these men was so apparent in the joy on their faces, the way they treated each other with utmost respect and how they shared their stories with such vulnerability, shamelessness and gratitude. ...