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This column should be about Daylight Saving Time, but ... (11/2/18)Fruitcake Daylight Saving Time Marauding deer Missy Kitty Roundabouts Downtown golf Free tomatoes Goofy politics That's enough. There are other topics that could go on the list, but this is a good enough sample. And we haven't even made a dent in important issues like ashtrays (see buggy whips), Bermuda shorts (sensible summer wear for men) or a monorail aerial tram to lighten the traffic load on Kingshighway...
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My new best friend lives in the White House (10/26/18)It's official, and I have proof. This is NOT fake news. Not that I had any doubt, but it's awfully good to see it in black and white. I am, according to supporting documents delivered by the United Sates Postal Service, an official friend of Donald J. Trump, president of the United States of America...
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Sticks and stones hurt, but names can be worse. Really. (10/19/18)Nicknames can be amusing. Or not. President Trump, among his many other accomplishments, has established himself as the chief name caller. One of his targets is a U.S. senator from Massachusetts. Elizabeth Warren is no wallflower. The Democrat uses some of the over-the-top techniques favored by our president. The two have clashed on just about every issue imaginable...
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A cat tries to figure out what just happened on TV (10/12/18)(This week's column was dictated by Missy Kitty, who is plenty smart but can't type worth a whit.) Sometimes it's hard to figure out what makes humans tick. Take my humans, for example. They're smart enough to keep my food bowl full with ample sides of no-fat milk. But why would they spend hours and hours watching something called a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing that went on and on and on?...
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A hot, hot future -- I mean really, really hot (10/5/18)If you find yourself in a situation where conversation comes to an awkward standstill, what do you do? More than likely you will, at some point, talk about the weather. "The weather" is a universal icebreaker. I can't say for sure, but I bet it's the same just about everywhere, even if you're in another part of the world...
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A tale of storerooms, golf bags and passing out (9/28/18)You know the definition of "basement"? A basement is a space, often underground, where stuff you forgot you owned cohabitates with stuff you vaguely remember and produces stuff you don't recollect at all. The last house we lived in for 18 years had a basement, so I am relying on personal experience here. ...
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Betcha never thought you'd read this here (9/21/18)This is animal week. No, it's not one of those made-up national holidays. It is a made-up-for-the-purposes-of-writing-a-column holidays. If everyone else can make up holiday, so can I. For some reason this past week has had more than its share of animal-related incidents and coincidences. Here are a few:...
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Add checks to the long list of things gone bye-bye (9/14/18)Buggy whips. VCRs. Cassettes. Fedoras. Hitching posts. The list of Things That Everyone Used to Use could go on and on and on. But today let's focus on the venerable check register. You still have a checking account, right? Then you must know what checks are. Otherwise, you would call it the money-waiting-to-be-spent account...
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Fake news and no tweets from the president (9/7/18)Day 1: No tweets from President Trump. The president holds an impromptu press conference in the White House Rose Garden, and apologizes for recent comments about illegal immigrants from Mexico. He agrees with some of his critics who have pointed out that legal aliens commit more crimes than undocumented immigrants. "I'm sorry if my previous comments have been out of order," the president said. "I will try to check my facts more closely in the future."...
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The flag fracas, McCain the POW, and plaid shirts (8/31/18)Most of you who pay attention to this space on a regular basis already know that I don't spin many political stories. I figure you have your reasons for supporting one candidate or another, and that's good enough for me. But recent events compel me to abandon my hands-off policy regarding politics. Here goes:...
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Camp meetings and a flood of preaching memories (8/24/18)On a recent one-day grand tour of the Ozark hills over yonder where I grew up, I tried to explain to my friend Mark about the "camp meetings" that were held in Des Arc nearly a century ago. As we pulled off Highway 49 where Johnny Collier had a service station with ice-cold soda pop -- the coldest in the world, I had Mark pull over so we could look at an area covered with brush and weeds...
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A trip down memory lane, plus AYCE fried catfish (8/17/18)The next best thing to a time machine is a visit to the old home place after years of absence. That's what I did last Saturday. The lure for my return to my favorite hometown in the Ozarks over yonder was an invitation to help judge the First Annual Tim Savage Memorial Fish Fry Cook-off sponsored by the Piedmont Chamber of Commerce with assistance from the American Legion Auxiliary...
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Some has-beens still evoke strong emotions (8/10/18)There's not a lot of traffic on the street in front of our house, so when we see a car passing by we tend to take notice. Which is how I came to be watching, the other day, a particular car that stood out for a couple of reasons. First, it was an old car. ...
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Sometimes what I say bites back. That's OK (8/3/18)Last week I told you how, in my eight years of retirement, I've made a career of doing only the things I want to do. I also told you how, for a couple of days last week, I was stretched well beyond my goal of doing just one thing a day, with weekends off. As a matter of fact I was challenged to do a dozen things...
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Retirement: A little of this. A little of that. And then some. (7/27/18)Believe it or not, I have been retired from my newspaper career for nearly eight years. It seems like yesterday ... . In those eight years, I have made a new career of sticking to my retirement mantra, which is a response to the question I'm often asked: "What are you doing, now that you're retired?" Answer/mantra: Whatever I want...
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A tip of the hat to the golden age of broadcasting (7/20/18)In the early 1950s, everyone of voting age in the Ozark hills over yonder was either a Republican or a Democrat. There were no Communists in the brambles that I know of, and that had nothing to do with the McCarthy witch hunt. Most everyone in the vicinity of Killough Valley was a Republican or a Democrat because his parents and grandparents and great-grandparents were. ...
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There is good to be found in tragedy, if we look (7/13/18)In this -- the era of computer-generated "reality" -- there is much to celebrate when real-life drama ends heroically. Most of us alive on the planet the past two or three weeks have been following every scrap of information coming from a complex of caves in Thailand. That is where a dozen young soccer players and their coach were stranded in a life-or-death drama for days and days...
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Cicadas, special anniversaries and a miracle (7/6/18)My friend Ford was wondering why he hasn't heard any cicadas this year. Or was it locusts? Apparently, I'm not the only one who gets the two confused. And I'm certainly no bugologist. A quick Internet search resulted in hundreds of attempts to explain the difference between locusts and cicadas, even though cicadas often are lumped in with locusts...
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Sales-tax debate is more than a century old (6/29/18)It's quite likely that the era of not charging state and local sales tax on Internet purchases is about to end. The nub of the legal arguments, pro and con, has been, up to now, something called a "nexus." A retailer has one if you live in a state where the online retailer has a store...
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If she remembered, what would we do then? (6/22/18)This past Monday was another ordinary Monday. And it wasn't. My Monday schedule is pretty consistent: Coffee with a couple of friends at 6:45 a.m. at Sands Pancake House. If we have any unanswered questions about -- well, anything -- we can always ask the fellows at the long table in the middle of the dining room, who will gladly provide several versions of responses to our inquiries...
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Surprise! Some comments on current events (6/15/18)As you already know, if you have been reading these scribblings for a while, I don't often comment on current events. Today I will. One reason I don't do much commentating (is that really a word?) is because the "current" in current events is so slippery. ...
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Newborn fawn has so much to learn -- and to teach (6/8/18)Like the first burst of yellow daffodils in the spring, the appearance of the first fawn of the season is just one clue that the cycle of life remains unbroken. My wife spotted the fawn and its mother Monday afternoon. The deer usually roam our neighborhood in a group of five (now six). But the mother and her newborn crossed the street together, but without the extra ears and eyes to keep a lookout for any signs of danger...
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Long walks, and other unusual behavior by Missy Kitty (6/1/18)The cat at our house, Missy Kitty, is no ordinary cat. But, then, do you know any cat -- any cat at all -- that is ordinary? Missy Kitty was adopted from Safe Harbor about seven years ago. Folks at Safe Harbor didn't have a lot of information about Missy Kitty's background. ...
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The miracle of live broadcasts, now and 65 years ago (5/25/18)Sixty-five years ago, I sat on the floor of the living room at my Aunt Norene 's house and watched, amazed, the fuzzy black-and-white images on the television screen. It was early -- very early -- in the morning, and we were watching the live broadcast of Queen Elizabeth II's coronation...
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When do the swallows return to Cape Girardeau? Right now. (5/18/18)Some of you, if you keep reading this column, are going to be mad at me. And some of you will want to give me a medal. This involves birds, so if you are wishy-washy about birds, you can skip right to the latest news about volcanic eruptions, and I'm not talking about the heated fissures of rhetoric in our nation's capital...
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My grandmother's memorials are in those hills (5/11/18)My grandmother, who grew up at the foot of Mudlick Mountain -- now part of Sam A. Baker State Park, was wise in the ways of edible and medicinal plants that grow wild in the Ozarks over yonder. My grandmother, grandfather, mother and her five siblings lived up in the woods and made the most of those resources...
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After the hospital comes the chicken noodle soup (5/4/18)Thanks to a smorgasbord of health issues, our household has, once again, been a guest of a local emergency room, where, it turns out, we find ourselves on a first-name basis with the doctors and nurses and technicians. That's good. And it's not so good...
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Right on schedule, spring green takes a firm grip (4/27/18)It must have been the spring of 1953 or 1954 that it clicked in my brain: Seasons are not random. They follow a schedule, one following after the other year after year. I don't know what I thought about the arrival of weather changes before this epiphany. Maybe I simply thought God or someone deputized by him got up every day and decided what weather we would have...
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Raise a beer to toast online facts and other stuff (4/13/18)There have been quite a few winters come and go during my lifetime. I don't ever remember one quite so miserable as the one just passing. Sure, I know it is officially spring now. But tell that to the weather imps that keep sending wintry blasts our way...
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Teaching old pets new tricks: Go ahead and try (4/6/18)You can teach an old cat new tricks. Sort of. Our cat, the one you know as Missy Kitty, is about 7 years old. When we adopted her from Safe Harbor, her age was just a guess. The vet said the guess sounded reasonable. Age 7 is not ancient for a cat. It might be considered the start of middle age. But by that time in their lives, most cats are firmly fixed in their ways...
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Fake names: Is anything really the truth any more? (3/30/18)Dear Readers, As far as I know, I am not acquainted with Zachary Quinto. That could be because Zachary, or Zach, sometimes uses a fake name. When Zach went to a coffee shop the other day, he used the name Josh. Some other coffee drinkers saw him do this, and the social media network went crazy...
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The lowdown on Kingshighway; hats off to mayors (3/23/18)Boy, talk about hitting a nerve. Everyone -- and I mean everyone -- I've seen this past week has vented about traffic signals and intersections in Cape Girardeau where computerized, automated, camera-dependent lights actually snarl the flow on our streets (some of which are the city's responsibility and some of which are state routes)...
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Ideas for a better Kingshighway? Let 'em rip! (3/16/18)Cape Girardeau officials, and others, are looking at the traffic along and across Kingshighway, arguably one of the city's most vital thoroughfares, the other being William Street, which stretches from the Mississippi River to the western boundaries and beyond...
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Today's news forms tomorrow's important decisions (3/9/18)For the purposes of today's discussion, let's agree on two terms. First, let's call traditional, fact-checking, multi-sourced news "mainstream news." Second, let's call the trend to pop news and trivia "la-la news." I don't have any proof to cite, but I would bet that the majority of readers of this column are over 55 and have hair -- if they still have hair -- that matches mine. These are, by and large, consumers of "mainstream news."...
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Look for signs of spring -- finally -- all around you (3/2/18)Over the nearly 25 years my wife and I have lived in Cape Girardeau, we have explored nearly all of the county roads in this county as well as northern Scott County and across the bridge in the Shawnee National Forest. And a few byways in Bollinger County too...
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Dealing with whatever it is life sends my way (2/23/18)Here are some things on my mind. Maybe you've been thinking about some of the same things. Or not. I dread seeing those words on anything I buy. I know 5-year-olds can easily open the box containing their favorite cereal. Why can't I? Is one of the curses of being old the loss of simple skills like opening stuff labeled "Easy to open"?...
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Mike Pence, my mother had a word for you (2/16/18)Mike Pence is the vice president of the United States of America. My mother, Edna, is dead -- has been for nearly 10 years. What, you might be asking yourself, do these thoughts have in common? That's what I'm about to tell you. My mother was a lifelong Republican, but she would have voted for Mike Pence anyway, because his last name isn't Clinton. ...
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Not too cold. Not too hot. Just right -- for a cat. (2/9/18)Goldilocks. You know the story. You may even know several versions of the story. Maybe, when your children were young, you got tired of telling the same old story over and over, so you embellished a bit, just to see if small ears were paying attention...
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History matters only if we remember -- and learn (2/2/18)Happy Groundhog Day. Perhaps you didn't know it, but Groundhog Day originated as a special day for dissecting the biggest sporting event in our great nation: the Super Bowl. And perhaps you didn't know that I am something of an expert on the Super Bowl...
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A bird in the hand is worth at least one coyote (1/26/18)When my wife and I came to Cape Girardeau 24 years ago, we had no idea there would be so much wildlife to enjoy -- and to curse, at times. Most of you already know about my years-long siege with the squirrels. And the raccoons. Live traps merely demonstrated how many squirrels and raccoons there are, even in the heart of the city. All those bushy-tailed varmints were waiting to move in whenever the trapped population moved elsewhere...
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Shall we gather at the river? In our kitchen? (1/19/18)It's hard to do even the most routine things when temperatures hover around zero. That includes writing a column. I should know. My wife and I are on pins and needles, thanks to a ruptured water pipe brought on by the minus-five nighttime reading a couple of weeks ago. That mess was quickly cleaned up, but there appears to be no guarantee that we won't have another break before the weather improves this week...
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The amaryllis miracle: Mother Nature at her best (1/12/18)It's good to know that it is still possible for Mother Nature to surprise us all, and she does it without the Internet or electronic devices of any kind. Stick with me, because this is pretty fascinating. Most of us, having just gone through another season of Advent/Christmas/College Football, have had our fill of poinsettias, those brilliant red-leafed plants that decorate our houses and give our churches a bit of cheer...
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How many city officials to change a light bulb? (1/5/18)It would be difficult for anyone -- and I mean anyone -- to fuss about downtown Cape Girardeau's many upgrades in recent years. The Broadway corridor from Pacific to the river, along with the Water-Main-Spanish backbone of downtown, has taken on new life and new lifestyles that were only a dream within recent memory...
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Resolutions? I'm only making one for 2018 (12/29/17)This, as you well know, is when a good many scribes turn their attention to the new year by making resolutions. I don't know what the official dictionary definition of "resolution" is, but we all know what it boils down to: something we say we are going to do because our lives will be better for it, but in fact we seldom accomplish...
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Extra daylight on its way: Joy to the world (12/22/17)Anticipation is keen as we get ready for one of the favorite holidays in our blended culture hereabouts: Christmas Day. I, too, am looking forward to my fast-approaching favorite day -- not holiday -- of the year. And it's not Christmas Day. My favorite day of the year comes a couple of days after Christmas. Dec. 27, to be exact...
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What will history have to say about 'fake news' (12/15/17)A story that attracted little attention a couple of weeks ago struck a nerve with me. The story revived the theory the U.S. space program -- the trips to the moon in particular -- was concocted. The recent story was based on some tiny detail offered as convincing evidence. Most of you probably didn't even see the story, so you can see how important this "evidence" was...
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If I'm not who I think I am, who am I? (12/8/17)The photograph of me -- look, it's right there -- is a few years old. It's hard for me to tell if it still looks like me, because when I look in the mirror, I see this stranger who brushes his teeth when I do and shaves when I do and gets dressed when I do and gets ready for bed when I do. As far as I can tell, the fellow in the mirror is an OK kind of guy. But what do I know?...
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Another cat column, with a lesson for us humans (12/1/17)Reader alert: The following column is about cats. So there. Some of you don't like cats in the first place, which means you don't like columns about cats either. At least that's what you tell me to my face. No telling what you say behind my back. In any event, if you have some crazy aversion to cats, don't waste your time. ...
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A sane verdict on college algebra, and a hibiscus joint (11/24/17)Sometimes the news reports you read, see and hear provide a moment of amusement. That was certainly the case recently when I read a story about college algebra and, later, another story about a misidentified plant. Let's do the math first. Many, many, many years ago, when I was in high school, I took a general math course and then an algebra class. Both were taught by Mr. DeSpain, who had a way of explaining numbers in a way I actually understood. I made decent grades, as I recall...
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Grappling with simple tasks -- and winning, sometimes (11/17/17)In the end, it came down to a contest of wits. I won. I think. Let's back up for a moment. How many times have you been frustrated by something that should be simple but turns out to be the biggest challenge of the day? I think I know the answer. And as we grow grayer at the roots of our hair, these challenges -- call them life's tests -- become more frequent. And more puzzling...
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Gun-death rates elsewhere may hold some clues (11/10/17)When I was growing up on a Killough Valley farm in the Ozarks over yonder -- this would have been in the 1950s -- guns were part of our daily lives. My stepfather had a couple of rifles, a shotgun and one handgun. These firearms shared a closet with his Sunday-go-to-meeting suit and what few clothes he owned that stayed on hangers when they weren't being worn...
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Look ahead and plant a tree — a maple — for the future (11/3/17)This is the time of year when drastic changes occur in the weather, so I’m not sure what today will be like. Earlier in the week there were forecasts for lots of clouds but higher temperatures. This is being written Tuesday afternoon, after my wife and I and a friend of ours got back from a trip to Giant City State Park in Illinois. ...
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The serious business of apple butter (10/27/17)This is the season of pumpkin spice. Just look at all the things flavored with what lots of folks believe represents the best of a big orange gourd. At the Sullivan home, what you smell this time of year is not pumpkin spice but cinnamon and apples. And sugar. Don't forget the sugar. Lots and lots of sugar...
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A washing machine, a wedding dress, a slice of real life (10/20/17)One thing about being old is not being young enough to be fresh out of school, newly wed, broke, with no car and making weekly trips to visit a coin-operated laundromat. This is what I was thinking the other day as my wife and I sat waiting for a couple of heavy-duty machines to clean, rinse and spin our throw rugs. We have a perfectly good washing machine and dryer, but the laundromat’s heavy-duty coin gobblers do a better job with things like rugs...
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When the world goes haywire, check those buttons (10/13/17)It happened again. It is happening more frequently, it seems. “It” is losing touch with the technological world from time to time, and enduring a period of confusion before the world starts to right itself. Let me give you an example: My wife and I went out to lunch Monday, and afterward we decided to do something we often do after eating out. We went on a magical mystery tour. ...
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Looking for answers in a sea of confusion (10/6/17)It's hard to think of anything but senseless death and mayhem in the hours following the events in Las Vegas. The death counts and the injury counts and the blurry, shaking videos caught on smart phones are recycled. Again and again and again. Despite this around-the-clock barrage of what passes these days as information, we know so little about the "why" of Las Vegas -- despite the fact that our nation and much of the world have experienced so many such tragedies. Again and again and again...
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There's truth, and then there's might-be truth (9/29/17)Once upon a time -- really, dear readers, I mean it -- most Americans got their news from newspapers. This was before radio, TV, the Internet, Facebook and Twitter. Those were the days when human beings were free. By that I mean human beings were not slaves to electronic devices. Their ears were unplugged. If Grandma died, sometimes these unencumbered human beings didn't find out for days. Or weeks...
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Here's a dog story you will love, plus you can help (9/22/17)Some stories absolutely must be shared, and this is one of them. This tale has a happy ending. And you know what? You -- yes, you, kind reader -- could make it even happier. First, the story, which comes by way of the Humane Society of Southeast Missouri here in Cape Girardeau...
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Storm reporters get goofier with every calamity (9/15/17)Maybe you're like me. Maybe you also wonder why TV weather reporters feel compelled to tell you that you really must, in order to save your life, obey a mandatory-evacuation order when a huge hurricane is approaching, but do this while standing knee-deep in floodwater with wind gusts over 100 miles per hour and while, obviously, disobeying that all-important mandatory-evacuation order...
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Yes, you can help victims of Hurricane Harvey (9/8/17)Earlier in my newspaper career -- this would have been the 1960s -- I was assigned to cover flooding in Smithville, Missouri. It was a small town then but now is part of Kansas City's suburbia. Smithville is situated on the Little Platte River. In the 1960s, residents of the town were used to annual wet-weather flooding. Did they move to higher ground? No. Did they put their houses on stilts? No. Did they ask the government for buyouts? No...
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When does honor become a symbol of evil? (9/1/17)Within hours of the events that transpired in Charlottesville, Virginia -- events that included unconscionable mayhem and death -- another event, promoting unity over discord and love over hate, transpired right here in Cape Girardeau. A group of individuals, still reeling from the images and sounds delivered by media of all sorts, gathered on the lawn of Courthouse Park atop the hill overlooking the city's historic downtown. They stood in solemn solidarity...
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The eclipse, and a full report on the animals (8/25/17)Eclipse viewers in Cape Girardeau were lucky. The clouds stayed away, and the view of totality, when it got pretty doggone dark, was unobstructed. That wasn't the case everywhere in the prime viewing path. What a disappointment it must have been, particularly for everyone who traveled some distance to see the eclipse...
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The big eclipse: It's almost showtime, folks (8/18/17)You would think I could remember a solar eclipse, but for the life of me I can't remember if I've ever seen a total solar eclipse. I suppose the answer is obvious. If I had seen a total solar eclipse, I would remember it. For sure. I know I've seen at least one partial solar eclipse. It was in the 1980s. I don't remember at that time that there was so much hoopla about protecting your eyes...
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A half-century of change, and staying the same (8/11/17)Sometimes there are connections in life that surprisingly tie us to people and events. Sometimes such links are simple and obvious. Sometimes they aren't. One thing that happens, if you grow old enough, is that the changes you witnessed half a century ago have rarely stayed unchanged. Some might call this evolution...
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The animals in our lives, and how they amaze us (8/4/17)Spoiler alert: Today, this space is devoted to wildlife, and not-so-wild life, including a bit about our goofy cat, Missy Kitty. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. ...
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I know what I like when I see it. Really. (7/28/17)I have no talent for or understanding of art. Here's why. The new sculpture in the roundabout at Fountain and Morgan Oak streets in our fair city doesn't look like art to me. But remember: I have no talent for or understanding of art. If I did, I would be able to appreciate the artist's efforts in this roundabout endeavor. I would more fully comprehend the expense of more than $70,000 (so far) on the latest addition to the many outdoor sculptures that adorn our downtown...
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Reflection: How we choose our destiny, and why (7/21/17)More than 60 years ago, growing up on a farm was pretty much the same no matter where the farm was located. Boys, whether on farms in the flat Bootheel of Missouri or in the sloping Ozark valleys over yonder, had to be out of bed early to do chores: milk cows, hoe gardens, buck bales of hay and mend fences. ...
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Shipping containers or mud? There are options (7/14/17)Should shipping containers be used to create livable spaces in Cape Girardeau? That's a question currently before the city council. I was pleased to see that the council members voted to extend the city's moratorium on such projects rather than ban them outright. This gives everyone more time to assess shipping containers and their viability as permanent homes...
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Oh, how we miss the Boston Pops, and other musings (7/7/17)Ordinarily, most columns about national holidays would be presented to readers before, or maybe even on, the holiday. Lots of good writers do that, so there must be something right about such a sequence of events. But, here I am, a so-so writer at best. If I were a good writer, I wouldn't be so willing to bend the established protocol for wordsmiths. Not being a good writer does have its advantages...
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Birds versus cat: a real battle and lots of questions (6/30/17)Can you think of a single reason why a cat with the sweet disposition of an angel and two mockingbirds that give breathtaking concerts every day should be such mortal enemies? Neither can I. You might suppose it's part of the genetic makeup of both the cat and the birds...
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You can't go back in time, but you can binge watch (6/23/17)A confession: My wife and I have become a part of that technology-advanced option known as "binge watching." Binge watching occurs when an online streaming service (see, I know some of the lingo) makes several episodes of a popular program, like "House of Cards" or "Call the Midwife," available all at once. In other words, you don't have to wait for weekly episodes like in the good old days of black-and-white TV...
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Hunger, obesity: Statistics can make your head spin (6/16/17)There was a story this week that made me do some serious thinking. So don't read the rest of this unless you want to be informed with sobering statistics. The story was about an alarming increase in obesity. Just so you know, "obesity" doesn't mean overweight. A lot of us humans are overweight but not obese, which means we are heavier than we should be, but our weight doesn't pose the health risks associated with obesity...
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What's a couple of million dollars here and there? (6/9/17)You probably saw the same story I read a few days ago, the one about the techie guru billionaire who bought a guitar once belonging to the late Grateful Dead great, Jerry Garcia. Brian Halligan paid nearly $2 million for the iconic instrument. Wait a minute. It's a guitar...
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Pig money, and the season for student loans (6/2/17)Cape Girardeau, Jackson, Scott City and other nearby communities have plenty of banking establishments. You could throw a quarter in almost any direction, and it would land on the roof of a bank. Some intersections have a bank on almost every corner. And sometimes it seems we've almost run out of names for all the new banks. They start sounding a lot alike...
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A time to remember all those who have served (5/26/17)In November 1942 -- 75 years ago -- five Sullivan brothers were serving on the same ship, the U.S.S. Juneau, in the Naval Battle of Guadalcanal. All five brothers perished. This was the greatest military loss by any American family during World War II...
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On a bench or sipping coffee, take time to listen (5/19/17)A lot of attention is being given, by the news media in particular, to town hall-style meetings conducted by various elected officials who say their aim is to find out what's on our -- voters, taxpayers, citizens -- minds. Some of these meetings, as you have seen and heard, have been a mite unruly. ...
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Remembering Mother's Day and a cobalt blue teapot (5/12/17)In the main living area of our home is a wall lined with bookcases. The shelves are crammed with those special things we couldn't bear to let go when we went through a major downsizing a couple of years ago. If you are a stranger, looking at the bookcases might give you a few clues about more than a half-century of our lives. But you wouldn't know why most of the items on display are of special significance to us...
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Plant mystery, best pralines, K-9 help, roundabout paint job (5/5/17)Two Sundays ago, my wife and I and a friend of ours took one of those no-rush, nowhere-we-have-to-be rides through the countryside. We wound up in tiny Whitewater, and we managed to find the nearby cemetery where a mutual friend was buried. After we paid our respects, we decided to see where the county road running alongside the cemetery might lead. Off we went...
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A guide to a cat's nine lives -- or maybe more (4/28/17)We've all heard that cats have nine lives. I believe it. But I also believe we have been wrong all along about how that works. You know, having nine lives. And you know what? I think humans are a lot like cats in this respect. Let me explain. The popular explanation for a cat's nine lives is that cats, because they are cats, get themselves into life-threatening situations. ...
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Plenty of eye protection available before eclipse (4/21/17)Good news for eclipse fans: Last week I mentioned that there are only three companies that sell safe viewing products for anyone wanting to watch the total solar eclipse coming Aug. 21. And, I said, demand for these viewing devices was so great that some vendors were out of stock or only taking orders for massive quantities...
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Solar eclipse: Don't put your eyes out. Please. (4/14/17)Maybe you're already excited about the total solar eclipse coming Aug. 21. The area around Cape Girardeau is the prime viewing area as the moon's shadow sweeps across the United States from Oregon to South Carolina. I'll swear I've seen a total solar eclipse before in my lifetime, but it must have been a partial eclipse, according to reliable sources on the Internet. I can remember making a pinhole viewer and watching with my two sons as the moon dug its crescent shape along the edge of the sun...
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It's never too late to learn a thing or two (4/7/17)At a certain advanced age, it becomes quite clear that you really don't know everything. You don't even know what you thought you knew when you were, say, a teenager. Or a young adult. Or a middle-aged man lusting for a red convertible. Let me tell you about what I learned this week...
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Why is there an exam before the exam? So what? (3/31/17)So I went to my doctor's office Tuesday morning, bright and early, to have lab work done in advance of next week's appointment for my annual checkup. My annual checkups are, thank goodness, dull as dirt. I have blood-pressure problems, but it's LOW blood pressure. So my doctor, during one of these dull checkups, suggested that I should eat more salt...
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The sights, sounds and smells of a new spring (3/24/17)Spring arrived in our part of the world back in -- when was it? Late January? Early February? Trees budded. Flowers bloomed. Then it snowed. And tornadoes struck. The daylong spate of winter was the best kind where beautiful snowflakes dance over clear streets too warm to accumulate any drifts...
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No matter the problem, the solution is a good wall (3/17/17)Let's start by revisiting a couple of issues that seem to have died down a bit in our favorite river city. We haven't heard much about marauding deer and cackling hens in recent days, have we? Well, surely we can do something about that. It occurs to me that events unfolding on the national front may hold lessons we should be heeding. In particular, I think one major proposal in Washington may be worth scaling down to fit our own urban needs...
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Grab a snack. Get comfy. It's time for the DST fuss. (3/10/17)OK. I apologize, profusely, in advance. There is a law -- or ought to be -- that every columnist who writes for the free press should be required to spend the week before the switch to daylight-saving time expounding on the rationale for staying on DST year-round...
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Be nice to others and share your sweets. Please. (3/3/17)One of my loyal readers, Jodi in Jackson, sent a sweet email a few days ago. I say "sweet" because it was a recipe for pecan pralines. Anyone who has read my scribblings for a while knows how much I like a good pecan praline. And as far as I can tell, Jodi's recipe would make some swell pralines...
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If you want the facts, avoid cranky coffee drinkers (2/24/17)If you get a bunch of cranky, old men around a table in an eating establishment where coffee refills are endless, you can be amazed at what you learn. Oh, never mind that most of what you hear is nonsense. Occasionally, though, you get something called insight -- a flash of awareness and understanding...
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Telling the truth sometimes requires a fib or two (2/17/17)As most of you know, I am not a political columnist. But events of the past year have tinged the scribblings of many a word handler across the land. I confess I am drawn to some of today's big shots in Washington like a hungry 7-year-old to a bottle of school paste...
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Nothing ever stays the same, thank goodness (2/10/17)There are three topics on my mind right now, and I better tell you what they are before I forget. Does that ever happen to you? Here are today's topics: Smoking ban. Chicken law. Pop-Tarts. SMOKING BAN: When our older son was born in New York City in 1970, my wife was hospitalized at Staten Island Hospital in a maternity ward. Remember when hospitals had wards? In this case there were a total of eight beds in the maternity ward, and I recall most of them had new mommies...
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Are fairness and objectivity necessary any more? (2/3/17)Let's call this an early session of Journalism 101, and you, kind readers, are the students. There will be a quiz. President Trump's game-changing administration has created a minefield for decent, hard-working reporters who are accustomed to the rhythms of what we can call "the old way of doing things." The old way was safe, predictable, comfortable and, on the whole, accurate...
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If you're not hungry already, you soon will be (1/27/17)What's on my mind this week? I'll tell you. It's food. OK. I'll confess that food isn't a topic that comes and goes for me. No, I'm pretty much thinking about and interested in food all the time. When my wife asks, at mealtime, if I'm hungry, my response is some variation of this: I'm still breathing, aren't I?...
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It's #Mr. President now, like it or not (1/20/17)By the time some of you read this we will have a new president. Leading up to today the talking heads and print pundits have made much of the new president's low approval ratings. They claim they are the lowest for any president upon being sworn into office...
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What makes news, and what shouldn't (1/13/17)The world is changing all the time, thank goodness. In American society the last half-century has produced countless gains for the better, like accepting the fact that women are equal to their male counterparts, even to the point that women in the military can serve in combat roles...
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The boom and bang of one cat's new year (1/6/17)My wife and I were enjoying a special brunch on New Year's Day -- black-eyed peas, cornbread, crab-stuffed crepes, the works -- with friends when one of our neighbors stopped by to ask about -- of course -- Missy Kitty. We were happy to tell Darlene that Missy Kitty was doing quite well this winter. Then Darlene made a suggestion: You should tell us how Missy Kitty celebrated on New Year's Eve. We would all love to know...
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A wish for 2017: We will all try to do our best (12/30/16)Boy, is this confusing. I'm writing this column on Monday morning. I usually write on Tuesday mornings. Christmas was Sunday, but much of the secular world is observing the holiday today, on Monday. Routines and chores I normally do on Mondays have been canceled or rearranged...
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A few thoughts about all those stadiums in St. Louis (12/23/16)Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am, at best, a fair-weather sports fan. But I have something to say about the proposed soccer stadium in St. Louis, because no one else has said it, and it needs to be said. When the Kansas City Royals were a World Series-caliber franchise a couple of decades ago, we lived in the Kansas City area (just a couple of miles from Royals -- now Kauffman -- Stadium) and I was a big, big baseball fan. Went to the games and everything...
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Chickengate: Uncle Joe takes a fearless stand (12/16/16)Dear Uncle Joe: You talked a lot about chickens in your column last week. Thanks, by the way, for terrorizing my grandkids who now are afraid I'm going to wring the neck of Clabby, the old hen in the pen in our backyard. The kids love this hen, and after seeing what you said in the newspaper, they break out sobbing every time they look at the bird. ...
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All about chickens: Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk (12/9/16)Now, in addition to deer, elk, mountain lions and black bears, our fair city is about to be populated by chickens. That's fine. I think we probably have enough mental counselors to deal with the fragile children of our town who will be traumatized by the ritual wringing of the Old Red Hen's neck on Sunday mornings in time to be placed on a platter for the midday meal after giving thanks to Almighty God for our bounty...
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Fruitcakes, rainbows, cash and counter checks (12/2/16)For nearly half a century now I've been extolling the virtues of the noble fruitcake. You can see how successful I've been. Fruitcake's reputation has improved little, if at all. Too bad -- not for the maligned fruitcake but for the countless culinary snobs who could have been enjoying this magnificent treat all along...
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If you need a hero today, I have one for you (11/25/16)So, how's your day going so far? Are you hungry? Have you been shopping yet? Are the in-laws still here? I will be presenting a column about giving thanks today. Notice, I didn't say "about Thanksgiving." I said, "about giving thanks." Big difference, my friends...
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Missy Kitty jumps way, way over the moon (11/18/16)Has your household pet been giving you fits in recent days? I think I know why. Blame it on the moon. OK, I have no scientific proof that the moon affects the behavior of animals, including humans. But a lot of scientists seem to think so, and I don't think they all got their doctorates at the University of Salem...
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Even with inflation, it's still a stretch to eat out (11/11/16)My wife and I were eating out one night this week at one of our favorite restaurants, one that is part of a national chain. It isn't a ritzy place to eat, but it's far more expensive than a fast-food place. My wife and I were struck, as we have been many times in recent years, by the number of young families with children eating at the same restaurant. We figured a family of four would spend a minimum of $50 at this restaurant...
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It's time for that goofy time column -- again (11/4/16)Woe and alas. What else can you say? This is the weekend when we have to reset our clocks. Again. I know. Some of you are disappointed that I even have to bring this up over and over and over. Some of you are disappointed that I show any concern at all about the twice-a-year clock noodling. Gee, what uncluttered lives you must have...
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Don't be afraid, it's only a TV commercial (10/28/16)Once upon a time, boys and girls, advertising found its way to this newfangled medium called television. Those were the days, believe it or not, when there was no confusion about the products being advertised. Really, I'm not making this up. This is a true story...
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America the beautiful is still a proud nation (10/21/16)Once again, I listened earlier this week to the utter frustration of a good man who is wallowing in despair over what he sees as a systemic collapse. This fellow is no kook. He is, I think, representative of millions of Americans during this campaign cycle. His dismay over what he sees happening in the world of politics has spilled over in ways that tarnish just about everything he holds dear...
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Here's a way to count down to Election Day (10/14/16)In a few short weeks, around the first of December, we will have both a new president-elect and the beginning of the religious season of Advent. You may not have expected to be reading about politics and religion this morning, but here you are. Indeed, I think there may be a connection to be made. Let's take a look...
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The River Campus is all grown up -- and wow! (10/7/16)It was near the end of the 1990s when Dale Nitzschke (did I get enough consonants in there?), president of Southeast Missouri State University at the time, stood on the low bluff overlooking the Mississippi River near the old St. Vincent's College buildings and announced that we were sitting on what would become a campus for the visual and performing arts...
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The debate? Or Missy Kitty? It's the year of choices (9/30/16)Like so many of you, I watched the presidential debate Monday night. I thought to myself that, surely, something would pop out at me during the debate that would warrant my sage insight, thus resulting in a column worth reading. Alas, dear friends, I was moved by both candidates in ways that would not be acceptable to relate in this newspaper, which holds to a moral standard far above modern politics -- a standard that is worth the effort to preserve...
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When to be afraid in times of terror (9/23/16)It's difficult to imagine what parents tell their children these days about terrorism. Our sons are grown men and have solid rationales about life and the perils that abound. All I can say is that my childhood didn't include worrying about bombs in pressure cookers.
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The Cape quiz: Positively no math involved (9/16/16)Cape Girardeau has so many good things going for it, and forecasts say there are more good things to come. Good. But I suppose there is no perfect place on earth, is there? Even with so many positives, our fair city still manages to throw a few baffling situations our way.
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Yes, it's time to sign up for the FEEALJLMWFDGTAYCECB (9/9/16)Ohmygod! Those are the exact words uttered by our fair city's founder, Louis Lorimier. The occasion was Lorimier's first hole-in-one more than 200 years ago on what is now affectionately known as the Old Course in downtown Cape Girardeau.
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How a garbage disposal sealed the fate of our lives (9/2/16)Talk about a wave of nostalgia. That's what swept over me a few days ago when I read the Associated Press story about the closing of the next-to-last Howard Johnson restaurant in the United States. Howard Johnson is special to me because that's where I met my wife-to-be.
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And the answer is, honestly, yes. And no. (8/26/16)As far as I can tell, Jim Thompson is a smart and wonderful fellow. How do I know this? Because he took the time to comment on last week's column. That was the column where I described what happens when you move a cat's milk, dry food and water bowls...
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Move a cat's food and water? Are you completely nuts? (8/19/16)It has been a couple of rough weeks for Missy Kitty, the cat that rules whomever, whatever or whenever she wants. Or nothing at all. If Missy Kitty were the kind of cat to point a paw, she would lay the blame for this shaky patch squarely on the two humans who occupy the same house...
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The future in the hands of today's youths is bright (8/12/16)Sometimes I can see the future. No, I'm not a clairvoyant. Or a fortune-teller. I don't have any tarot cards. I don't read tea leaves. However, I confess that I have, over the years, split open a few persimmon seeds after the first heavy frost of autumn to determine what kind of winter to expect...
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Rembrandt or Monet: Let's choose a masterpiece (8/5/16)Yes, we're all up to here in politics, trying to keep our heads above all the ... well, you know. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, in the last week, the following phrase: "lesser of two evils." Really, folks, is that what we want in the Oval Office? Can we really hope that having evil, even if it's not the worse of two evils, is right for our country? Surely not, on both counts...
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The convention speech no one asked me to give (7/29/16)Madam and Mister Chairmen, honorable delegates, bold candidates, current officeholders, heart-string pullers and tweeters of all stripes: I proudly and humbly accept your nomination as voter for the highest office in the land. I recognize, by your cheers and sustained applause, that you have placed on me a great burden, one that overwhelms me and takes away my breath. Please excuse me for a moment as I gather my wits and try to get the blood flowing back to my brain...
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A victory is a win, no matter how small it is (7/22/16)It's the little victories that count the most, I think. Sure, it would be nice to come up with a surefire plan for world peace. Or a cure for any deadly disease. Or even a cereal package that is truly easy to open, like it says on the box. Most of us though, should be satisfied with small achievements. I have personally experienced some of those tiny wins, and I feel great...
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We came this close -- this close! -- to snack genius (7/15/16)This is the true tale of how two adolescent boys spent a summer quite a few years ago on a farm in the Ozark hills over yonder. When I say it's a "true tale" I mean it. But I'll confess right now that my memory plays tricks on me, so if anything I tell you isn't plain fact I hope you will be compassionate. I wouldn't want anyone to say, "He cooks on a dirty grill, and fibs, too."...
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Be careful, Seattle; Midwesterners have feelings, too (7/8/16)Guess what? Bethany Jean Clement, food writer for the Seattle Times, hates the food at an iconic Midwestern fast-food burger joint. The one called Steak 'n Shake. Or, at least, the just-opened version in downtown Seattle, which, of the chain's more than 500 locations nationwide, is the first in the Pacific Northwest...
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A brief history of fireworks with fingers, eyes intact (7/1/16)It's hard to say when Fourth of July fireworks first became part of my world, but I think it was when I was 8 or 9 years old and my city cousin came for a visit and smuggled several packages of Black Cat fire crackers into the bedroom of the farmhouse on Killough Valley in the Ozarks over yonder...
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New friends turn out to be somewhat different (6/24/16)This is a story about a fellow who makes new friends, only to learn that ... . Well, let's start at the beginning. A few weeks ago I was looking on the internet for a lamp table to match one we purchased three years ago. At some point, a box popped up on my computer screen. It asked if I would like to text chat with a customer-service representative...
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Missy Kitty misses Miss Kitty -- and so do we (6/17/16)The day after we moved last summer, when both the temperature and humidity might have been in triple digits, our new doorbell rang. There to welcome us, bright and early, holding a plate of warm blueberry muffins, was Mrs. Rueseler, our new next-door neighbor...
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Is this Louise? Scammers go way out on a limb (6/10/16)Nuisance telephone calls and landlines go together like a horse and carriage. We still have horses, but carriages are long gone. Soon, there won't be any landlines either. But there will be nuisance phone calls. That's for sure. A lot of you have already given up your landlines, content to rely on cellphones for many obvious and good reasons. ...
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The House of Denmark post office theory (6/3/16)Some of you will remember that I whined last year about the United States Postal Service's change-of-address process. Whine? Heck, I pouted for weeks. Why, I asked over and over, was a simple process turned into a bureaucratic nightmare? I never got an answer...
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Marty Hecht: A good man, a model for us all (5/27/16)Think Schindler's list. Think Martin Hecht. Those thoughts have more than a little in common. Both, for example, are amazing stories. "Schindler's List," the movie, told the true story of Oskar Schindler, a German businessman and Nazi Party member who saved more than a thousand Polish Jews by employing them in his factories during the Holocaust...
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O lettuce, wherefore art thou wilted? (5/20/16)Last week, on Thursday morning before the farmers market opened that afternoon at the mall, my wife and I were driving around one of Cape Girardeau's many lovely residential areas when I saw something that made me smile. In someone's backyard there was a small garden plot with several tomato plants. It was what was around the plot that got my attention: an electric fence...
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Who created today's values? We did, of course (5/13/16)The erosion of values, including our national sense of morality, is all too apparent in our nation's politics. But don't make every American out to be morally depraved. I would suggest that many of us still regard some worthwhile "value system" to be the ideal toward which we strive...
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From pickle juice to riches in one easy lesson (5/6/16)Maybe you weren't even thinking about dill pickles this morning. But after my experience in the checkout line of the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market on Independence Street, dill pickles are all I can think about. Where to start? Let's start here: Most people I know, including myself, like dill pickles. Oh, sure, there are few exceptions. There always are. But dill pickles and I have a long, mostly good history...
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Thanks for the many improvements to Cape Girardeau (4/29/16)Plywood over the windows of the Bob Evans restaurant here in Cape Girardeau and the recent closing of Ryan's next door have been pointed reminders that our community is constantly changing. Question is: Is it changing for good? For bad? Maintaining a lethargic status quo?...
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Charleston, Pinecrest, Lake Woebegone and Lester (4/22/16)Well, the most beautiful small town in America did it again. Charleston, Missouri’s, Dogwood-Azalea Festival last weekend was a stunning success, thanks in large part to one of the prettiest springs I can remember. Not only were Charleston’s dogwoods and azaleas at their peak, but that magnificent wisteria that climbs a huge tree along a busy thoroughfare is worth a festival of its very own...
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A kid's lesson on sales taxes is hard to forget (4/15/16)When I was growing up in the Ozarks over yonder, my favorite hometown still had a dime store, a movie theater, a department store, a general store, a couple of chain hardware stores in addition to the home-grown Luna Hardware, two drug stores, a bank, a men's clothing store, a women's clothing store, a railroad station, several restaurants, a newspaper, two hotels and a motel, a drive-in movie theater, two funeral homes, several grocery stores, a florist, a couple of drive-ins serving malted milkshakes, lots of filling stations, schools, churches, some taverns, a liquor store, a library, three automobile dealerships, several barber shops and beauty parlors, a shoe factory, a shirt factory, some sawmills, feed stores and at least three doctors' offices.. ...
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I wonder ... about elections and referendums (4/8/16)I wonder why we voted twice, once in March and again this week. The March vote was part of the cockeyed way the two major political parties select candidates. That was a presidential primary. Some states caucus rather than voting in a way that presumably determines who will be favored by each candidate in the first round of convention balloting. ...
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Missy Kitty takes a giant leap into springtime (4/1/16)No one could be happier about the early arrival of spring in these parts than Missy Kitty. In case you aren't a regular reader of this column (possible) or have spent the last 22 years abducted by aliens (not likely), Missy Kitty is the gray-striped cat with white paws and bib that rules her home and her surroundings, which happen to be shared by her obedient humans, who happen to be your scribe and his wife...
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An amazing year for the beauty of Easter (3/25/16)For the past two weeks every conversation has included at least a mention of all the flowering trees we've enjoyed this month. In particular, the ornamental pear trees have put on an amazing show. So have the tulip magnolias. Now the redbuds are adding their color, and the dogwoods are about to pop, perhaps in time for Easter...
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You wanted change. You got it. Now live with it. (3/18/16)As I write this column (on Tuesday morning) my wife and I are getting ready for an outing, one that includes a visit to our designated polling place to vote in Missouri's presidential primary election. (Spoiler: I'm going to be saying some positive things about Donald Trump's supporters, so some of you might want to move on to the obituaries right now.)...
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After the hugs, we know who's getting our vote (3/11/16)What would you say if I told you I had lunch with a future contender for president of the United States? It really happened. And I got not one, but two hugs out of the deal. My wife and I were having lunch at Steak 'n Shake. The place was packed, and we knew it might take a while for our order to arrive. So, we do what we've been doing for years. We borrowed a ballpoint pen from our accommodating waitress and played hangman on the back of the paper place mats...
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Looking for rays of sunshine in political clouds (3/4/16)If politics were the only lens we had to gauge the future of our nation, we would surely conclude the end is near. And just in time. Political historians can cite example after example of American political shenanigans going back more than two centuries. But we live in the 21st century, and we tend to judge the world around us by what we see and hear today...
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Many apologies for a blip in the memory bank (2/26/16)So, here's what happened. And don't expect to read a bunch of excuses. It is what it is. Let's start with a little background. If you want to keep track of appointments, events we've bought tickets for and so forth, you do not ask me. You consult my wife...
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When the going gets rough, stand your ground (2/19/16)We Americans are getting soft. The nation of doers, achievers, strivers and explorers has become, like the funny TV commercial for whatever it is advertising, a bunch of settlers. I first noticed our flabby fiber -- something we used to call backbone -- in one of the first seasons of the TV show called "Survivor." I watched one episode and saw how truly mushy the participants and producers and crew really were. I have not watched a single episode since then...
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Super Bowl ads, time change and North Koreans (2/12/16)OK, I am not the target audience for Super Bowl commercials. I feel sorry for anyone who is the target, but presumably they understood those multimillion-dollar ads. I didn't. And when I asked anyone in the right demographic to explain the ads to me, all I got was a shrug. It was one of those shrugs that said: "Sorry, you wouldn't understand even if I took the time to explain."...
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Don't believe everything you read at first glance (2/5/16)I thought when I got new eyes at the end of last year that I might be able to make more sense out of what I was reading. I had cataract surgery, as many of you have had, and I'm enjoying the freedom of not wearing glasses after more than 65 years. Before I had the eye surgery, my eyesight was getting progressively worse, I have to admit. How bad? Well, I would read something and it would make sense. Then I would read it later and discover something entirely different...
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Differences evaporate when we talk to each other (1/29/16)Two things happened in connection with Martin Luther King Jr. Day that made me proud to be a Southeast Missourian. First, a video produced by students and faculty at Southeast Missouri State University along with some marketing professionals was shown during the MLK celebration at the university. It was a video about diversity presented in a simple but brilliant format. The video has become something of a sensation on the Internet. If you haven't seen it yet, go find it...
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Take two aspirins and hope for the best (1/22/16)There was a bit of good news recently regarding the weather and influenza. After days of winter flooding and other less positive weather news, it was good to learn that there are fewer flu cases this year. Everyone grew up with his or her own family truisms regarding the weather and medicine. ...
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The truth comes out about the Shetland pony (1/15/16)If you are reading this column, which you obviously are, you will know two things: First, I did not win a gazillon lottery dollars. Second, I didn't buy a lottery ticket. Does this mean I am the only person in America who didn't buy a ticket? Does this make me an oddball? Does this mean I can't vote? Possibly -- quite possibly -- yes, yes and yes...
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It's time to make a sensible decision about time (1/8/16)Good morning, and happy 2016. Yes, it's a brand-new year (minus one week), and this seems like a most appropriate time (emphasis on "time") to discuss one of my favorite topics: Daylight saving time. Currently, we are not observing DST. We call this winter. ...
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Missy Kitty gives thumbs up to animal shelter expansion (12/18/15)When Charlotte Craig called more than a week ago, I could tell right away she had something important on her mind. Charlotte was calling on behalf of the Humane Society of Southeast Missouri, of which she is the current board president. The humane society operates Cape Girardeau's animal shelter. It also places hundreds of pets in adoptive homes where cats and dogs find years and years of love and companionship...
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Mr. Trump, why stop with banning Muslims? (12/11/15)"Donald J. Trump statement on preventing Muslim immigration "(New York, NY) December 7th, 2015 -- Donald J. Trump is calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States until our country's representatives can figure out what is going on. ...
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Seeing, truly, is believing (12/4/15)Sixty-five years ago I walked to the mailbox, which was on the blacktop highway a mile, by gravel road, from the farmhouse in Killough Valley in the Ozarks over yonder. Aside from Saturdays, when we went to town to get groceries and other necessities, walking to the mailbox was the only way to get mail...
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Missy Kitty's many reasons to be thankful this year (11/27/15)While most of us will still be easing through the post-Thanksgiving gluttony on this Black Friday, Missy Kitty will be filing away her annual list of reasons to be thankful. Many cats here in Cape Girardeau, across the country and around the world won't have a very long list. They are strays, or abandoned, or ignored. Missy Kitty, by comparison, is pampered beyond words...
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A season for living out what we say we believe (11/20/15)There are hundreds of thousands of refugees from around the world who, given the opportunity, would gladly come to the United States, given the circumstances they endure on a daily basis. Europe and the Mideast and parts of Africa are awash with displaced persons who want what most of us in the U.S. ...
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Little things? They're a great big deal, sometimes (11/13/15)It's hard to say exactly when I discovered there was a name for my condition. More than that, it wasn't just my condition. Millions of people, I have discovered, have all the symptoms: Moving things a quarter of an inch. Straightening pictures on the walls of complete strangers. Or in a doctor's office. Getting exasperated when something -- movie, church, dinner, for example -- doesn't start exactly when it was supposed to. Accosting anyone who uses a preposition to end a sentence with...
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You can lead a hungry person to food. You really can. (11/6/15)Let's be serious, at least for this week. Let's talk about hunger. Let's talk about the belief many well-fed individuals have: There really isn't a hunger problem in Cape Girardeau, and anyone who is hungry ought to find a job. Great. Problem solved...
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Somebody walks into a bar. Bartender says ... (10/30/15)Two deer walk into Joe's yard. (This was Monday afternoon, by the way.) One deer says to the other, "You know, if we had walked into a bar, we'd be halfway through a joke by now." "You're right!" says the second deer. "Why don't we jump over to a bar and finish the joke."...
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Hot ticket: Our very own symphony orchestra (10/23/15)My wife and I attended last week the sold-out Gala Season Opener of the Southeast Missouri Symphony Orchestra. What a treat. We heard several comments at the intermission and after the performance that our very own symphony orchestra doesn't get the attention it deserves. My wife and I agreed...
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Answering a letter in a roundabout way (10/16/15)Believe it or not, there is a mail sack for this column. Into this special mail sack go all the letters raising serious and thoughtful issues that should be of concern to all of us. OK. Some of the letters aren't so serious or thoughtful. But they still go into the same mail sack. This column has a strict nondiscrimination policy regarding letters...
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Where are the birds? And squirrels? And deer? (10/9/15)Before we moved this past summer, we were used to looking out the windows of our home and seeing abundant wildlife. Most of you know that I am no fan of squirrels, having conducted a long and pointless battle with the furry-tailed rodents. I finally gave up when I realized that squirrels, with brains about the size of an unshelled black walnut, are more intelligent than humans, with brains about the size of a fully ripened Arkansas cantaloupe...
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Missy Kitty: You've got mail! (10/2/15)Some of you will remember a few weeks ago when Missy Kitty, the ruler of the Sullivan household, gave an account of her recent experiences while her humans moved across town. Among the many changes for the cat was the separation of a few miles from her good buddy, Bee Cee, the dog who lived next door...
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Downtown golf? Wait till you read the rest of the story! (9/25/15)It's official. Certified. Stamped with approval. Etc. Etc. Etc. The 2015 version of downtown golf is Sunday. This coming Sunday. Day after tomorrow if you're reading this on Friday -- which you should. It's the First-Ever 10th Annual Louis J. Lorimier Memorial World-Famous Downtown Golf Tournament and All-You-Can-Eat Catfish Buffet...
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I can help, but I can't do everything by myself (9/18/15)Poor IRS. The tax folks issued an appeal this week. The nabobs of Internal Revenue -- governmentese for taxation -- said not to send any more checks for more than $99,999,999.99. I don't know about you, but I'm guessing it will be at least a couple more years before I have to worry about this...
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This and that, along with some of those over there (9/11/15)As you may have gathered from last week's column -- which was written, I now realize, in a stupor induced by prescription drugs -- things have been topsy-turvy in the Sullivan household. I'd like to be able to report that everything is pretty much back to normal. I would base that on the fact that I am pretty sure which day of the week it is. That was certainly not the case last week...
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If you think that's bad, wait till you get this (9/4/15)Sorry, but this week you will have to bear with me while Old Joe harps about his aches and pains. By the way, Old Joe is my alter-ego who is facing the aging process with a good bit of anger and resentment. Real Joe, on the other hand, has been blessed with good health all his life. The two Joes don't always see eye to eye...
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Deer and the USPS: Making a connection isn't easy (8/28/15)You might not think the United States Postal Service and Cape Girardeau's deer overpopulation have much in common. You would be right. The USPS and deer are related topics only in this column. That's why it's so important to read this column every week. It makes you think about different topics at the same time. I know it's not much of a contribution, like being able to explain rap music or something like that, but it's the best I can do. So you're welcome...
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For your eyes only: Missy Kitty's official relocation report (8/21/15)Notice to readers: Here is Missy Kitty's official report, duly filed with the Humane Society and anyone else she thought might take the time to read it, concerning a recent displacement incident. What you are about to read is not a complaint, but Missy Kitty warns certain humans not to push the envelope too far. Or else...
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The best you can come up with is a stepladder? Really? (8/14/15)Notice to readers: My wife and I have just moved across town. After 50 years of marriage and almost two dozen moves all over the country, you would think this move would be a snap. It wasn't. Eighteen years in one house made us soft. And a little bit whiny. So bear with me for a while...
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Remembering the Pie Lady, and her wonderful service (7/24/15)Maybe you knew Sally, even if you didn't know her name. She was a waitress -- not a server, and definitely not a waitperson -- from the old school. She was a fixture, over the years, at a number of area eateries. Sally was one of those women of indeterminate age. She could be 50. She could be 70. She never seemed to change. Or age. As it turns out, she was 77 when she died last week at her home in McClure, Illinois...
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Once you start remembering, it's really hard to stop (7/17/15)After waxing memory-wise about hauling hay and getting paid a dollar an hour, several folks had somewhat appropriate comments: "Joe, you were overpaid." "I hauled hay for $2 a day." "I babysat for 25 cents an hour. How much do babysitters charge today?"...
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A dollar an hour here, $15 an hour there, it all adds up fast (7/10/15)I'm not sure what to make of the efforts to increase the minimum wage in such large chunks. $15 an hour seems to be the target for most folks. Why? I could make a case that $15 an hour is no better than the dollar an hour I made when I first started working. I lived on a dollar an hour. A lot of folks today say they can't live on $15 an hour...
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The pillow caper; or, learning to move a cat (7/3/15)It was a good plan. Really, it was. And you can't say that too often when a cat is involved. As I've mentioned before, my wife and I are planning to move to a different house later this month. We've been trying to plan ahead as much as possible to make the transition bearable. It's not easy for a couple who moved 18 times in the first 32 years of marriage and then stayed put for 18 years in the same house. We have grown accustomed to this place...
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On being an American -- and finding a way to prove it (6/26/15)As we approach the 239th anniversary of our nation's founding, a recent story from the island of Hispaniola caught my attention. Haiti and the Dominican Republic occupy opposite ends of the island. Thousands of Haitians have gone to the Dominican Republic in search of jobs. Relations between the two countries are tenuous...
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Let's talk about things that grow ... and grow ... and grow (6/19/15)Anyone who has been paying any attention at all knows we are concluding a most unusual spring. It has been, for the most part, cool and wet. This means conditions have been ideal for flowers, shrubs and trees in our area. This was certainly evident last Saturday during the tour of six interesting gardens sponsored by the garden clubs of Cape Girardeau...
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Whatever, whenever, however I want -- and then some (6/12/15)That pretty much outlines my retirement philosophy. When folks asked me, before I retired, what I planned to do with all my "extra time," I would answer, "Whatever I want." For the most part, that's exactly how it has worked for almost five years. Of course, there are some things I do that I didn't exactly plan, but so far nothing has seriously interfered with my retirement mission: Enjoy life...
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You can't fool a cat. Ever. Don't even try. (6/5/15)Missy Kitty knows something is afoot, so she's keeping a close eye on the human activity in and around her home. She knows it has something to do with relocating -- whatever that is. Oh, sure, Missy Kitty has moved before, but that wasn't so bad. All she had to do was crouch in a pet carrier and howl like a dying banshee, and, before she knew, it she was in her new home with nice yard, a cushy chair to call her own, a perpetually full food dish plus refrigerator privileges and special access to the milk jug.. ...
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The history of mobile telephones, all in one drawer (5/29/15)In anticipation of moving out of our home and into a different house, my wife and I have been going through a lot of stuff, deciding what to discard and what to keep. It is exhausting work, as those of you who have been through this process already know...
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Modern times: We are measured by our motorized vehicles (5/22/15)The regular session of classes at the university here in our favorite river city has ended. The summer session has begun. How do we know? Because there aren't as many automobiles going to and from the campus. The amount of traffic on city streets is just one measurement of activity. Another way to tell what's going on is to look at parking lots on the campus. They are all but empty. To get a higher education these days, it appears, one must burn gasoline as well as the midnight oil...
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Go west -- or north or east or south; you decide (5/15/15)My wife and I have moved more than 20 times in our half-century together. But we are spoiled. Nearly half of that half-century has been spent right here in Cape Girardeau. We have been in our house 18 years, the longest we've ever lived anywhere in our lives...
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That tree looks like ... well, it reminds me of something (5/8/15)I think that I shall never see A tree so ugly as the woods Butchered in Girardeau's neighborhoods. The tree whackers are out in full force these days. Maybe you've seen them. How could you miss them? Moreover, how could you not notice what the whackers leave in their wake?...
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You can say that again, but not because I can't hear you (5/1/15)By the time you read this, I will have been, for three days, a full-fledged citizen of the Bionic World. I can't say when the first bionic apparatus was applied to a human body in the hopes that life would be better as a result. Perhaps it was the ear trumpet used by hard-of-hearing folks who could get the gist of what you were saying if you shouted into the bell of the trumpet, which was inserted in someone's ear. It wasn't a foolproof system at all...
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'Tapioca!' And now, the rest of the goofy story (4/24/15)Lots of things change as I grow older. And older. Bad news: I don't jog anymore. Wouldn't even think of it. Good news: My knees are in pretty good shape. At my age, you take what you can get. For a couple of years now, I have noticed -- and so has my wife -- a change in my sleep pattern. For lots of years I would go to bed and wake up eight hours later when the alarm went off...
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The diary, and why I don't have one, except (4/17/15)More than once in my life I have attempted, with the best of intentions, to keep a diary, a daily journal of anything and everything I might think to jot down at any given time. I thought of my diary attempts -- all failed, of course -- as I tried to remember this week if it's time to put out the hummingbird feeders. I know the migrating birds are sending scouts this direction. It seems like mid-April is the time to begin the sugar-water hospitality campaign...
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I can't remember ever being able to remember stuff (4/10/15)Forgetting things is what I do best. Little things. You know what I mean. But a bunch of little things can become, rather quickly, a BIG THING. Which is why I'm telling you this in the first place. Let me see. What was I going to say *... ? Oh, yes. Forgetting stuff...
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So this is springtime, in all of its colorful glory (4/3/15)For as long as I can remember, my wife and I have taken "serendipity drives" along country roads wherever we have lived. We have come upon, with no advance planning, some of the most beautiful displays of wildflowers and other blossoms that you could possibly imagine...
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What? You don't know who should be the next president? (3/27/15)Have you made the Big Decision yet? You know, the one where you take a ballot and pick whom you want to be the next president. OK, maybe you would like to see who the candidates are first. Fine. Be that way. The first official candidate has officially filed to become an official money-raising organization for next year's official presidential election. ...
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Why we pay taxes, why we vote, why we take pride (3/20/15)Voters in Cape Girardeau and Cape Girardeau County will be making important decisions this year. They will be voting on plans to spend millions of dollars. Here are some thoughts about why I think these ballot issues are so important -- and why I think being informed and voting are duties we should take seriously...
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Still time to hope, and Missouri can lead the way (3/13/15)There is a God. Just when you think the Almighty has abandoned the political pits in Jefferson City and other places where politicians congregate, here comes a heavenly ray of light to show us the way. Yes, I am talking about the bolt of sanity that has touched the minds of some of our legislators in the state Capitol who are backing a bill that would eliminate -- I say eradicate! -- the twice-a-year folly of resetting our clocks...
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1: Get the cat's attention. 2: Keep trying. 3: Again. (3/6/15)Training cats and putting toothpaste back in the tube have much in common. To wit, they are nearly impossible. Maybe you have tried this at home. Let's say you have a cat. Let's say you want to train your cat to do something. Cats like treats, so you think you will use treats as an incentive for your cat to do something special...
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Column: I'm still gaga over Lady Gaga -- did you know she could sing? (2/27/15)My wife and I tried to watch "Birdman" a couple of days before the film won an Oscar for best picture. I say we "tried to watch" because we only lasted about 45 minutes into the movie before we said to each other, "I've had enough." "Birdman" is promoted as a comedy, but we weren't laughing. Is that because we are in that age-advantaged generation that remembers when funny movies were, well, funny?...
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Here's a tremendous unmet business opportunity (2/20/15)Knock. Knock. Who's there? Neighborhood kid. Neighborhood kid who? Neighborhood kid who will shovel your driveway after a storm that leaves a foot of snow (before drifting). This is not about knock-knock jokes. This is about a dreamland. Not a single kid knocked on my door Monday after the snowstorm...
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How parents deal with their sons, and vice-versa (2/13/15)When another two feet of snow were forecast at the start of this week for the Boston area, we emailed older son, who lives there, to make sure he was OK and to let him know we were aware of the storm. Like most adult children, our sons -- one in Boston and the other in Seattle -- are used to spates of overparenting. We can't help it, and they know it. But that doesn't mean they have to like it...
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What did you think (Boo-hoo!) of Super Bowl XLIX (Smack!)? (2/6/15)OK. The most- watched event in television history has come and gone. More people watched last Sunday's Super Bowl than anything else that's ever been aired. That's what someone said. I wasn't actually counting. But I was watching. I rooted for Seattle. A lot of other football fans got their wish when the New England Patriots won. A lot of expert analysts have had their say about the fluke ending of the game. I imagine folks will be talking about this Super Bowl for a long, long time...
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Winter is more than a New England blizzard. Really. (1/30/15)As a winter storm headed for the New England coast this week, words like "historic" and "catastrophic" were being used to describe the depth of the expected snowfall and the speed of top wind gusts. This dire forecast came from the National Weather Service, which is about as official and bureaucratic a government agency as you can find. ...
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The ecstasy of a new computer, the agony of passwords (1/23/15)Let's just say the past couple of days have been interesting. That's because younger son has been home. One reason for his visit was to help his computer-limited parents through the installation of a new desktop computer. This was made necessary because the existing computer, like its users, was showing its age in more ways than one. It was often so unreliable that we had to call customer service, only to be sent, of course, to another company providing another computer service...
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Things you read in the paper -- and then wish you hadn't (1/16/15)Some of what you read in the newspaper can be a real eye-opener. Sometimes you see something interesting. Sometimes it's puzzling. Sometimes it gets your dander up. Sometimes you just shake your head and wonder. Let me give you some examples. There was the story a few days ago about a large truck involved in a highway accident. ...
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The righteous battle against blaring TVs in waiting rooms (1/9/15)The first time I saw a television set in a doctor's waiting room was sometime in the 1980s. It was one of the big cabinet TVs with lots of wood and an amazingly large screen: 19 inches. The TV in the waiting room was tuned to "As the World Turns," a soap opera that had captured the attention of an entire men's dorm at my college some 20 years earlier. ...
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Welcome to a brief overview of Global Marketing 101 (1/2/15)This is an introductory course that will include 13 sessions. By the time you have completed all the requirements of Global Marketing 101, you will be filthy rich. Or in jail. (If arrested, please refer to a related course, Legal Shenanigans 102, offered as needed. Hourly fees of $500 will be assessed.)...
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Before the Internet, there were Sears, Roebuck and Monkey Ward catalogs (12/26/14)It's too soon to say how much of this year's Christmas shopping depended on the Internet. But I'll go way out on a limb here and take a guess: a lot. And the dollars spent on Internet retail continues to grow and grow and grow. Disclaimer: If there are any small, susceptible, innocent children nearby, please ask them to go outside and play for a while. Do kids still go outside and play? OK. Ask them to take their favorite electronic device to the basement and see if the wifi is working...
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Thankfully, this column will fill in some of the blank space (12/19/14)Thankfully, this column will fill in some of the blanks on this page Someone asked me the other day if I ever have trouble coming up with ideas for my next column. The plain and simple answer is yes. I told this inquisitive person: "That's when you read about Missy Kitty."...
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Another of life's mysteries is solved by watching live TV (12/12/14)Another of life's mysteries is easily solved by watching live TV Because of a scheduling situation in our household, my wife and I watched the live broadcast of the evening news on CBS Monday night. As a result, we now know why medications -- prescriptions and over-the-counter -- are so expensive...
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The truth about trees of the Christmas variety (12/5/14)"The week after Thanksgiving." That was my mother's standard reply to my post-Halloween nagging. In my young mind, the first week of November was none too early to find the best living-room size cedar tree, which would be decorated for Christmas. "The week after Thanksgiving. That's when we'll go look for a tree," my mother would announce, using a tone of voice that needed no interpretation. The subject was closed until the turkey was eaten...