Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

A Brief Interview With The William Street Traffic Analyst

Posted Friday, December 20, 2013, at 6:00 AM

The City of Cape Girardeau is proposing dramatic changes to William Street including reducing much of the 4-lane thoroughfare down to just two plus a center turn lane.

This reduction is being justified by a traffic analysis that was reportedly done by the consultant for the project.

While the consultant was unavailable for the comment, the person hired to do the traffic research -- Boone Doggle -- did agree to an interview with this blog.

Irony Of It All: Thank you for talking with us, Mr. Doggle. Portions of this proposed project seems to hinge on your William Street traffic counts. Based on your findings, the city engineer said "most of the day it's pretty empty along William Street," but a lot of people who actually use the street between Kingshighway and downtown feel otherwise. What is your response to these people?

Boone Doggle: Well, they weren't out there counting cars, like I was. Trust me, you could have shot a cannon down William and not have hit a darn thing.

IOIA: A cannon? Really? When exactly did you do this study, midnight?

BD: Oh no. Two a.m. to six a.m. for a week. That street was d -- e -- a -- d, dead.

IOIA: Soooo, you weren't there during the morning when people were headed to the University or downtown to work? Or in the evening when they are all going home?

BD: Nope.

IOIA: What about before or after an event at the Show Me Center or the River Campus?

BD: No, sir.

IOIA: Not even at lunch time?

BD: Not a chance.

IOIA: Can I ask, why not? Why did you do a traffic study at a time when there is almost no traffic on any street, anywhere within the city of Cape Girardeau?

BD: (clearing his throat) I have issues.

IOIA: Issues?

BD: Yes, issues. But I have a doctor's excuse and I'd like to add that as a member of several protected classes, I may not be discriminated against. I have the right to do this job as anyone.

IOIA: Ohhhh-kayyyy. If you don't mind me asking what are you talking about?

BD: Well I've been diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia and dysgraphia. I also suffer from enochlophobia, and I have a pretty acute case of ochophobia.

IOIA: Ochophobia? That explains a lot.

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I'm a big fan of this blog; with that said...

Completely agree with poking fun at the traffic study and the proposed changes to William St. Yet, was it necessary to poke fun at 'protected classes"? ADHD and dyslexia are very real challenges many face.

If one volunteers in a reading program (like read to succeed), they would not make fun of frustration these little ones (no fault of their own) struggle to read.

I know, I know many have the attitude that political correctness has gone too far. I disagree, if you can avoid being hurtful, why not?

-- Posted by persnickety on Mon, Dec 23, 2013, at 8:29 AM

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