River stage: 12.28 ft. Rising
Thursday, Jan. 29, 2015
What Would Jesus Drive?Posted Tuesday, February 8, 2011, at 12:00 AM
While going to lunch the other day, I got behind a large blue pickup. It dwarfed my Mazda on oversized tires, its diesel engine growling loudly as we waited for the light to change at Sprigg and Independence.
It was not an unusual sight for the streets of Cape Girardeau. Pickups of all sizes are fairly common around here, but what I noticed about this particular truck was its license plate.
JESUS is what was printed on the placard where the truck's rear plate should be.
I'm pretty sure this wasn't The Jesus driving in front of me, just a devout Christian advertising his faith to everyone who was at eye-level with the bumper of his jacked-up four-by-four.
But it made me reflect while I followed the big truck down Independence.
What exactly would Jesus drive?
Would Jesus drive a jacked-up diesel four-by-four like this particular fellow, sporting a vanity plate proclaiming to the world that this was Jesus' ride? Not likely. I think that might be a bit ostentatious for The Son of God.
I believe that if Jesus were in need of earthly transport he would probably drive something sensible like a Camry or a car with a good safety record like a Saab or a Volvo.
Or maybe Jesus would drive one of those VW Bugs that hippies from the 1960s coveted so dearly. That might be His type of style since the car epitomized peace and love for a generation. After all, it was Herbie the Love Bug, not Herbie the Love Ford or Herbie the Love Chrysler or Herbie the Love Jacked-Up Four-by-Four.
But then again, if Jesus were in need of a vehicle maybe he would want one that he could use to test mankind. What if Jesus is one of those people who have their blinker on all the time? You know whom I'm talking about. They're often driving a Buick from the 1980's and all you can see of them is their knuckles gripping the steering wheel and a whisp of bluish-gray hair sticking up above the headrest.
And not only is their blinker apparently rusted into the on-position, they're also driving a solid 10 miles below the speed limit AND hugging the center line, making passing a chancy move for those behind them. I usually give these inconsiderate drivers a good honk and use a little crude "sign language" to illustrate my displeasure when I do manage to pass them.
But what if one of these slowpokes was actually Jesus testing us, testing me? Does giving Jesus the finger mean I'm going straight to Hell? Perhaps, once would be OK, but what about a couple dozen times? Geez -- no pun intended -- I might be a goner.
I suppose there's no point in fretting. What's done is done. In the future, I'll try to control my non-verbal communication when I'm stuck behind a slow-moving Buick since you just never know.
However, I am now positive that Jesus doesn't drive a certain jacked-up blue four-by-four. I don't think He would need to gun it through a yellow light.
Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]
The Irony Of It All
- Blog RSS feed
- Comments RSS feed
- Send email to Brad Hollerbach
Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.
To receive email notifications that Brad has a new blog available, click here.
Hot topics'Gone Girl' Cat-astrophe
Giving Credit Where Credit Is Doo(Doo)
(2 ~ 9:15 PM, Dec 30)
The Actual Cost of Charter's $7-A-Month Cable Boxes
Cape Schools To Spend $16 million