Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

Big Billboard Baby Needs New Hat

Posted Wednesday, January 19, 2011, at 12:43 AM

I was both shocked and appalled the other day. The thermometer was barely above single-digits when I saw a baby outside with no hat on to protect its head.

I could hardly believe it. Who would do such a thing? Isn't there a law against that kind of abuse? It shouldn't matter that the baby looked happy as can be even in the bitter cold. Besides this baby ALWAYS looks happy. It can be 104 degrees in the shade and this baby will still look obscenely cheerful. And might I add, he won't have a drop of sweat on him, which is rather freakish since he sits in the sun all day long, every day of the year.

I'm talking of course about the big baby who lives on the billboard near the intersection of Route K and Mount Auburn. I call him the Big Billboard Baby or Triple-B for short. I like the sound of Triple-B. It has a cool professional wrestler ring to it.

And for years, Triple-B has watched over the traffic on Route K promoting the obstetrics unit at St. Francis Medical Center. During that time he's always had headgear of some kind. A baseball hat. A sun visor. A pumpkin top. I think he may have had a cowboy hat at one time.

But now Triple-B is hatless as the photo below shows, his big bald, head exposed to the elements. That just isn't right.

(Photo)

Perhaps, the marketing gurus behind this advertising-spectacular have run out of hat ideas. I just don't know. But I, for one, expect a hat on Triple-B and if the folks at St. Francis are drawing a blank, I'm more than willing to make some suggestions.

For instance, he could wear a coonskin cap like Davy Crockett. That would probably go over well in this area. Outdoor activities like hunting are a big interest group in this market.

(Photo)

He could even have a radio jingle.

"Baby, Baby Crockett, King of the West Side of Cape." OK, so it needs a little work.

Or considering it is winter, they could bundle the baby up in one of those hats that people like to wear in frigid places like Siberia and Iowa.

(Photo)

St. Francis might want to consider giving Triple-B a hip makeover. How about Slash-Baby? Or for fans of classic comedies, there's always Harpo-Baby.

(Photo)

Triple-B could also be dressed up for special occasions. The Kentucky-Derby-Baby has a lot of potential. At Halloween, the baby could always be dressed as Thor-Baby or Chiquita-Banana-Hat-Lady-Baby.

(Photo)

Sports related hats seem to be popular. I've seen the baby with a Cardinal's hat in the past. St. Francis could honor the die-hard sports fans like the guys who use the beer hats to keep themselves adequately lubricated. Of course, the baby couldn't be drinking beer so we'd have to make some modifications.

(Photo)

And then of course, we could have Triple-B-The-Wrestler-Baby. I know he has no hat, but who needs one with a head of hair like that?

(Photo)

A couple readers have noted the baby's obvious love of tanning, so I've added the George-Hamilton-Baby

(Photo)

Comments

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How about a Cheesehead? They keep the Packer faithful warm at Lambeau Field. GO PACK GO!

-- Posted by Lumpy on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 6:42 AM
I hadn't thought of a Cheesehead although I would probably rule it out because it is so associated with being a Packer-Backer. It would be a little like St. Francis putting a Cubbie hat on the baby. In this area, that would go over like a lead-balloon.

Thanks for reading.

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 8:35 AM
Don't forget the obvious, Redhawks hat (if there is such a thing. If not, create one).

-- Posted by voyager on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 9:34 AM
They did put a Cubs hat on the baby at one time.

-- Posted by redhawk04 on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 10:41 AM
I don't remember that Redhawk, but then I may only go by the baby once every couple of weeks. I wonder what made them think a Cubbie hat was appropriate to this market?

TFR

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 10:53 AM
The Cubs hat went up the year they made the playoffs I think. Someone shot it with a paintball gun or something it had splotches on it before they took it off.

-- Posted by BigBoldColorful on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 2:09 PM
I don't think there is a redhawks hat or at least I've never seen one. I do watch for the baby names when I'm out by the mall and it seems they change the hats every few weeks. I like your ideas...funny.

-- Posted by BigBoldColorful on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 2:15 PM
Thank you for noticing that our billboard baby is hatless right now and must be cold. You know when you come to the Family BirthPlace at Saint Francis you are always welcomed with the warmest of greetings.

Be sure to keep watching because the baby will get a new hat in early February, and feel free to submit any other baby hat ideas you may have on our Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/SaintFrancisMC

--

Emily Sikes, Marketing department

Saint Francis Medical Center

-- Posted by Emily Sikes on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 3:28 PM
Is it just my imagination, or does the Big Billboard Baby have a sunglasses tan line or something? Something about those eyes look funky!

-- Posted by MusicMaker on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 4:00 PM
I think you're right, Music Maker. Wasn't the baby wearing goggles sometime over the last 6 months? Maybe this is leftovers from that enhancement since it looks that way on both sides of the billboard.

TFR

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 4:07 PM
I believe there was a snorkel and mask and I think one was a set of swim goggles and swim cap? I liked the football helmet the best it had those black eye patches under his/hers eyes.

-- Posted by BigBoldColorful on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 6:57 PM
Those are some darn funny ideas Brad. I love the Slash baby, but it might be a little dramatic for this town. And yes, there was a Cubs hat on the baby a few years ago. Being a Cubs fan, I took a picture of it, but for the life of me I can't seem to find it right now. If I do, I'll post a pic of it.

Maybe with the casino coming they could put a blackjack dealers hat on it.

Thanks for making me smile and keep up the good work.

-- Posted by cubbytodd on Wed, Jan 19, 2011, at 10:41 PM
ah - what a crack-up...I hope the billboard people do surprise us with a new hat each week !! (you forgot a birthday party hat...)

-- Posted by jacksonjazzman on Thu, Jan 20, 2011, at 8:37 AM
it's obvious that the baby spends an incessant amount of time in the tanning bed -- with the telltale sign of goggle-eyes...

-- Posted by TommyStix on Fri, Jan 21, 2011, at 8:34 AM
Since both TommyStix and MusicMaker have pointed out the pretty obvious tanline, I've added the George-Hamilton-Baby.

TFR

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Fri, Jan 21, 2011, at 9:13 AM
hat? put some clothes on that kid in this deep freeze temp and sunscreen in the heat. it is happy all the time because it is high...up in the air and has a great view.

-- Posted by ojannod on Wed, Feb 9, 2011, at 1:21 AM

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