Cable TV Outrage

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 25

9:03 pm -- Wife and I took a quick day trip to St. Louis. Returned home just before nine to relax with a little TV. Turned on TV. Discovered I had literally little TV. All channels except the local stations were frozen at a point in time. Determined from the frozen image on CNN that the problem started almost 8 hours previously about a quarter after one.

9:08 pm -- Checked the web. KFVS website indicated that Charter Communications was having a massive outage in Southeast Missouri affecting their cable, Internet and phone users. Thankful for DSL from AT&T.

9:09 pm -- Decided to tough it out and find something to watch on one of the six functioning channels.

9:09:16 pm -- Oooooooh the horror!!!! How did I possibly make it through my childhood with just ABC, NBC, CBS, PBS and a pair of independent channels out of St. Louis? How can anyone survive without AT LEAST 60 channels?????

9:11 pm -- Made a stiff drink to calm my nerves.

9:12 pm -- Made another.

9:15 pm -- Went to Charter Communications website and logged into the support section. Did online chat with customer service representative by the name of "Ivy." Ivy said there were two trouble tickets open in our area -- TRB000000760329 and TRB000000760456 -- but there was no ETA as to when the issue would be fixed. One bit of brightness to this horrific situation was that Ivy texted that "a credit will be applied once the issue is fixed." Believe that when I see it. Wonder if all the folks who didn't contact Charter, but were still affected will get a credit, or just the people like me who complained?

9:35 pm -- Turned off TV and stared at wife. Wife stared back. Cat stared at both of us briefly, then went back to screened-in porch to scan the back yard for any intruders.

9:40 pm -- Wife decided to read magazine. I decided to surf the Internet. Spent most of my time at Dish.com.

10:00 pm -- Turned TV back on. Channels still frozen. Switched to KFVS. Cable outage lead story, but anchor gave me the impression that the problem was fixed. "It's not fixed, you boneheads!" I screamed at the TV as if someone at the local CBS affiliate had an ear pressed to the cable listening for cranky comments from local viewers. Wife suggested I have another stiff drink.

10:30 pm -- Switched over to NBC and watched the season premier of "Saturday Night Live" until the Weekend Update segment. Checked other channels. Still frozen in time. Went to bed sometime after 11.

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 26

7:30 am -- Cable still fouled up, but now fouled up differently. Local stations still all peachy, but the previously frozen channels were now pixilated and I could hear bits of audio. Progress? I guess. Turned off the TV and had breakfast. Took the cat out for her morning romp through the yard. Read our Sunday papers. Studied the DirectTV advertising insert closely -- really, really closely.

9:05 am -- Turn TV back on. Rejoice! My 60 channels are back in operation. Still nothing on worth watching, but that is beside the point. Life is good once more.