Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

TPing In The Good Ol' Days

Posted Friday, May 21, 2010, at 12:00 AM

Recently while going to work, I passed by a house that had been tee-peed. You don't see that too often any more. Guess it requires hard work and this younger generation just aren't up for the exercise or have the work ethic.

Ahhhh, yes, that reminds me of the good ol' days...

Tell us more, Grandpa!

Yes, I remember when growing up that houses covered with toilet paper were a regular sight in the mornings. Perhaps, it was because toilet paper was cheap back then. Only a nickel a roll -- even for the "good stuff -- and anybody could buy it.

Teenagers would walk into the local five and dime with a couple bucks and come out with a case of Northern. If the cashier even looked a bit quizzical, most kids would just flash them a pained grimace and whisper "Bad Mexican" and that was a good enough explanation.

But then somebody must have complained to the right person and one thing lead to another and suddenly what once was a nickel a roll shot up 10-fold! The "good stuff" was even more!

TPing was no longer the inexpensive entertainment for the younger generation it had once been. While homeowners everywhere rejoiced that they would no longer have to figure out how to pluck a piece of quilted Charmin from a limb 20 feet off the ground, a part of American traditions fell by the wayside, apparently destroyed by its own success and basic economics.

But it's nice to see that some youngsters haven't completely forgotten about the old rites. Perhaps, their parents or grandparents told them stories of how they could hurl a roll of Cottonelle over a house when they were younger.

Or maybe the kids were playing Wii TP and decided to try their luck with the real thing.

Or possibly, whomever Tee-Peed this particular house, saw a package of toilet paper and said to his or her self "I think I'm going to go decorate the outside of so and so's house with these rolls of tissue paper." thinking it was a completely original idea.

I don't know what the inspiration was, but it made me wax sentimental and be thankful it wasn't my house that got tee-peed.

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Hopefully this dosen't turn back into a widespread problem, as it would turn into a five day waiting period to buy a case of butt wipe after the background check and check to see how many cases you have bought in the last month. On the up side though, I would have a couple of cases black market untracable buttwipe that I could let go for a small fortune.

-- Posted by mynameismud on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 1:49 AM
TPing died out when the kids switched to 'forking yards.' I hated finding a fork with the lawnmower. Most kids were bright enough to use plastic, not my neighbors...I bet their mom would have killed them if she knew where the silverware went.

-- Posted by Professor_Bubba on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 6:48 AM
I think TPing went out of style when kids were no longer able to do it without having charges pressed against them.

Professor, I thought the whole *point* of forking yards was to use plastic? You put them in at the right angle and when the victim tries to pull them out, they break. That's what makes it fun! :D

-- Posted by MusicMaker on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 10:57 AM
The worst would be getting paintballed.

-- Posted by almighty on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 2:01 PM
What about 'tipping cows'?? I always wondered if you could really do that.

-- Posted by Turnip on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 4:30 PM
I never tipped a cow Turnip, but that does raise an interesting question:

Can you TP a sleeping cow without waking it up?

Think an experiment may be in order.

Thanks for reading.

-- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 4:45 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cow_tipping

"Numerous publications have debunked cow-tipping as a myth. Cows only doze instead of sleeping while standing up, and they are easily disturbed."

"Professor Lillie noted that, contrary to the myth, cows are well aware of their surroundings (they have excellent senses of smell and hearing) and are very difficult to sneak up on."

I'd say TeePeeing is out as well. ☺

-- Posted by Turnip on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 8:58 PM
Music Maker,

Like I said, most of the kids were bright enough to use plastic. If you grip them low they don't break during extraction. But I occassionally found some of my neighbor's silverware in my yard after my students had forked it. The kids nextdoor were preteen and just imitating what they had seen.

Now I'm curious. What would you call Toilet Papering a Native American's tipi? TP^2?

-- Posted by Professor_Bubba on Fri, May 21, 2010, at 10:55 PM
Rick, you ever had any of those fainting goats, the ones that fall into 'shock' if you scream/scare them? I think I've seen some in Fruitland, one of these days...I'm gonna try it. ☺

-- Posted by Turnip on Sun, May 23, 2010, at 10:49 PM

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