Paying Down My $32,000,000 Lowe's Charge Card

I hate spring.

And when I say that I hate spring, it's actually because I really, really love spring. That's why I hate it because I love it too much.

And the reason, I love it too much is because it makes me do crazy things that I would not normally do.

For instance, back in 1997 when I opened a charge account at Lowe's I went a little overboard. I shop at Lowe's a lot and a lot more than I probably should. It's not a good sign when other customers start asking you where to find things in the warehouse store and you're able to tell them right where to go.

So 13 years ago I opened this revolving charge account and with my freshly minted credit card in hand I paid our local store a visit. And being that it was spring and all, I started buying all of this garden stuff -- trees and shrubs and flowers and fencing and a fish pond and a pergola and a lawn mower and... well you get the point. I just went nuts and bought all this stuff for our house.

I don't know what it is about Lowe's, but when I enter that store I just go crazy. I guess it's the same way some women are around Manolo Blahnik shoes or Dooney & Bourke handbags; they just can't help themselves and buy, buy, buy.

That's what happened to me. Spring fever, I told my wife.

She was a little hacked when the bill arrived the next month and it was for $14 million. She forgave me though since we NEEDED all of those things.

And I was good for the next couple years. I didn't charge anything to my Lowe's card. I even took it out of my wallet and left it on my dresser. Instead I focused on paying down my debt.

But then in 2000, I got a new wallet and while I was moving over the contents from my old one, I decided it was stupid to leave my Lowe's card just sitting on my dresser. After all, I'd not bought anything for 3 years and I might actually NEED to charge something to it. So into my new wallet it went.

And then spring came, breaking the gloom of winter, and I paid Lowe's a visit not knowing that they'd just gotten in a huge batch of heirloom tomato plants in all sort of exotic varieties that I'd never ever seen before. And then there were all of these little Japanese maples that were just so gosh darn cute. And I have a thing for the very showy, but easy to maintain hydrangea bushes and Lowe's had gotten in a truckload of kinds we didn't have so....

Ok, so I went nuts again. This time I spent $18 million.

My wife was not so forgiving this time. Even though I was able to convince her that we NEEDED those Japanese maples and those hydrangeas and those heirloom tomatoes, she was still kind of pissed. She banned me from using my charge card and even took it out of my wallet and hid it somewhere.

That was ten years ago, and I've missed that card every spring. I go out to Lowe's and ogle the truckloads of shrubs fresh from some far-off nursery. I look, but I don't buy since I'm still paying down the two multi-million shopping sprees I've already made. I've been paying a little each month and at the rate I'm going I still have another 10 years to go.

But then last week, I was doing a little pickup-cleanup in our home office and came across where my wife had hidden my card all these years. It was tucked in a book called "Effective Finance Strategies For Not For Profits." I think it was left over from when my wife got her Master's degree.

So anyhow, I have my card back in my wallet and now I can't stop thinking about all those shrubs and trees and tomato plants that have just recently started showing up at Lowe's.

To make matters worse, my last bill from Lowe's included a little note that said I'd been such a great customer that they were raising my credit limit to $40 million beyond what I already owed.

That is so tempting especially since I've got some holes in my landscaping. Some shrubs that I bought back in 2000 didn't grow in like I'd hoped and others just died. Those dead ones are probably my own fault. I may have gotten a little sloppy on maintenance.

A friend at work told me that Lowe's just got in a whole bunch of different tomato plants. I might have to go out there this evening and take a look. I don't know if I really NEED them, but I sure do WANT them. I wonder how mad my wife will be if I charge a little something to my account?

I hate spring.