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Wednesday, Nov. 26, 2014

I Could Use A Bond Issue

Posted Monday, March 22, 2010, at 12:00 AM

I'm considering putting a bond issue before the voters.

I don't know if I legally can, but I thought it would be worth a shot.

I made this decision while heading back to work the other day from lunch. I was walking down my sidewalk that I tiled with reputedly "outdoor-grade" pavers I purchased from Lowe's about 8 years ago.

Unfortunately, the outdoors they were graded for was apparently something a little warmer than Southeast Missouri, some place without our repeated freeze / thaw cycles. Basically, the pavers are not looking so good and are chipping and cracking in a number of places. They need to be replaced.

But I figure to do the job right, the whole sidewalk and stairs are going to have to be busted out and a fresh one poured.

Of course, when I do that it will make the columns that I rebuilt on our front porch about 12 years ago look really dingy. I suppose I could slap some paint on them, but you know painting is only a short-term solution. And there are some repairs that need to be made on the columns. Back then I used some finger-jointed trim, not knowing any better and the joints are now failing.

But if I paint and repair the columns, then I'm going to have to also paint the handrails and newel posts leading up to the front door. They haven't been painted in about 13 or 14 years and they're showing their age.

And if I paint those, then I'm going to have to also paint and repair the antique screen door my wife and I hauled home from an antique mall outside of Columbia a long time ago. It was a very tight fit in a Camry. But the door needs refreshed, so it too needs to be re-painted. I'd also like to replace the Plexiglass in the door with safety glass. Plexi just scratches too easy.

But you know, all this porch painting and repair will be a lot of work.

Instead, I think I would rather hire a contractor to completely enclose the porch, adding about 180 square feet of living space to our house. I think the end result would be quite spiffy!

But, if we spiffed up the front of our house, then that would make the 100-year-old house next to us that we also own look all that more tired. Despite our best efforts of exterior painting -- scrape, sand, wash, prime and apply two coats of paint -- the paint on the body of the house is starting to crack and peel. Kind of depressing when you consider the amount of time I spent working on this temporary fix. I was hoping "temporary" would be a little bit longer.

So, if we fix up the front of our house, then that property is going to need some TLC as well. You can't have a spiffy house next to an unspiffy house. It just looks bad.

So to spiff up this aging four-square, we will want to have the window trim wrapped in aluminum, the body of the house sided in vinyl and a new roof put on the front porch. We also need an aesthetically pleasing solution for the first and second floor rear porches.

And since this is probably the only bond issue I'm going to ever put before the voters -- I promise (wink-wink) -- I think I might also see if we could get a nice little wrought iron fence for the front of that house. It would look appropriate.

While I'm at it, I might just go for broke and see if I can get funding for the addition to my own house that we've been thinking about adding on. We're wanting a great room with a cathedral ceiling and a big stone fireplace, a large kitchen, a main-level master-suite and laundry room and an attached garage, nothing too ostentatious, just the comforts of home.

And to help my bond issue pass, I'm also including "storm-water improvements," a "stadium," an "auditorium" and a "water park."

That sounds better than gutters, a half-dozen lawn chairs for my backyard, a pop up tent big enough to hold those lawn-chairs in case it rains and a Slip-N-Slide.

Showing comments in chronological order
[Show most recent comments first]


you're on the right idea..always ask for more than you want and let them talk you down to what you really wanted to begin with..

shoot , you might get lucky and get it all....

-- Posted by ..Rick on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 3:35 AM

Look, it is raining on your parade! How are you going to pay for this?

-- Posted by IonU on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 9:15 AM

I just love that over $1,000 of my yearly property tax goes to the Jackson school district so they can install flat screen TV's in the lunchrooms.

I live outside the city limits, can I secede from the district somehow?

Then again, they might view me as a threat and storm my compound with ATF agents...

How else are these kids gonna get a proper education if they can't watch TV at lunchtime?

What a joke.

-- Posted by the_eye on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 9:33 AM

psssst!...the TV is for the teachers...

-- Posted by ..Rick on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 10:57 AM

My employer does not provide televisions for me to watch at lunch time. They spend their money on things like new delivery equipment, software and health insurance.

I guess when you dont have to worry about silly things like profits and feel there is a endless supply of money, as most government entities do, a well equipped break room is a must???

-- Posted by mdonze on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 12:39 PM

your bond issue makes as much sense as some of the other requests for financial support.

-- Posted by ojannod on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 4:23 PM

Maybe you can get a tax credit by contributing your scrap wood to Perryville's heating system, Brad. Then you can write a grant to get reimbursed for the transportation costs to get the wood transported to Perryville, the labor costs associated with getting this wood, and seek additional funding to pay a CPA to process the tax credit.

-- Posted by almighty on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 4:36 PM

Sounds like a case of another Mrs. Johnston andirons.

One improvement escalates into another and then another until you've rebuilt the whole house.

-- Posted by voyager on Mon, Mar 22, 2010, at 6:21 PM

Your bond issue may have merit if the whole community has access to your property from time to time.

-- Posted by Scott Horrell on Wed, Mar 31, 2010, at 2:27 PM

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The Irony Of It All
Brad Hollerbach
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Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.

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