You Better Sit Down For This One. Sitting Can Kill You.

I'm not sure why I have three newspaper subscriptions or bother to watch any of the TV news shows. They never seem to feature any Happy News. It's always Bad News. Always.

Here's the latest Bad News I just read and you better be sitting down -- no, scratch that thought. Do not -- I repeat DO NOT -- sit down. That is the Bad News:

Sitting can kill you.

A recent article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported that "scientists are increasingly warning that sitting for prolonged periods -- even if you exercise regularly -- could be bad for your health."

They said it could be fatal.

And what's more bad for your health than death?

The Journal of the American Heart Association reported that just sitting and "not moving throughout the day may in itself increase the risk of (heart) disease."

This is just awful news. Who knew my comfy office chair was a death trap? I might as well be smoking cigarettes while sitting in a pool of gasoline. And what's worse is now that this has officially become News, the federal government is bound to get involved.

I'm sure that Congress will hold hearings regarding the issue with all the Senators and Representatives standing around debating the issue. They will probably mandate that chairs everywhere must be stickered with official looking labels from the Surgeon General Warning That "Sitting May Cause Death and Possibly Birth Defects."

And undoubtedly, OSHA will start aggressively targeting businesses for chairs and any other objects that employees can accidentally sit on.

"We can overlook the loose safety guard on that 100-ton press, but we're going to have to fine your company for those metal folding chairs in the breakroom that didn't conform to lockout / tagout."

To avoid imminent fines and possible lawsuits, companies everywhere will get rid of their chairs and make their employees use laptops. On second thought, that won't work. Laptops require a lap and a lap requires sitting so actually employees will have to use Walktops or Standtops, something that will allow them to work and walk or stand at the same time.

Not sure if that technology exists, but if it doesn't I'm sure Silicon Valley will have a solution lickety-split.

For those employees who just have to sit -- Their personal health be damned! -- they will have to take it outside and hang with the smokers.

It won't be so bad at my job. Our smokers are still allowed to light up right outside the rear entrance unlike some businesses that require their smokers to leave their premises completely.

I'm sure those companies will be just as strict with their sitters, forcing them to bring their own lawn chairs so they can take a load off on the public sidewalk or by the curb.

I guess I'm lucky at my company in that regard.

We have some very nice outdoor seating even if it could kill us.