- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
Will The Real 'John Cobb' Please Pay His Debts
The message on my home answering machine was similar to a dozen more my wife and I have gotten over the past couple years. The recorded robotic voice said:
Hello. This is a message for (pause) John Cobb. This is not a telemarketing or sales call. If you are not (pause) John Cobb please hang up or disconnect. If you are (pause) John Cobb please continue to listen to this message but do not listen to this message so that other people can hear it as it contains personal and private information. There will now be a 3 second pause in this message to allow you to listen to it in private. (3 second pause) By remaining on the line you are acknowledging that you are (pause) John Cobb. We are calling in regards to a settlement offer we recently sent to you about 3150453. This is a call from ACA, a debt collector. This is an attempt to collect a debt and any information obtained will be used for that purpose. Please call us back at 877-23 (answering machine reaches maximum message length and terminates the call)
Apparently Mr. Cobb owes someone money.
Or that's the story this ACA debt collector would like us to believe. Over the past couple years, we have actually talked a couple of times to a real-live person calling for Mr. Cobb and have explicitly told them that we don't know a John Cobb, we've never known a John Cobb and we assured them that if we ever accidentally met someone by the name of John Cobb that we would run away in the opposite direction as quickly as possible, screaming like little girls.
Once I even promised to give up eating corn-on-the-cob if they would just quit calling our house.
And the phone calls would stop for two or three months, but then start right back up again.
"Hello. Is John Cobb there?"
This is so frustrating.
There actually is a John Cobb who is listed in the local phone book. I don't know if this is the "John Cobb" this collection agency is looking for. I know his phone number is not even close to the landline number that I've had for 18 years.
Maybe he had my phone number before I got it in 1992? Or more probably the collection agency -- if that is really what this company really is -- is staffed by a bunch of incompetent baboons who couldn't get a clue if it were written on a Post-it note that was then nailed to their forehead with a 16 penny nail.
"Ouch, that kind of smarts. Are you sure John Cobb is not there?"
I did a little research on the name "John Cobb" at namestatistics.com. According to that website, there are about 70,000 people in the US with Cobb as a last name. John is the second most common male name in the country accounting for 3.271% of all males. If the Cobb's index the rest of our country's population on gender distribution that means there are 1120 "John Cobbs" in the US.
And none of them live at my house!
Unfortunately, there seems to be nothing that can be done. While I belong to the Missouri Do Not Call List, imbecilic debt-collectors with bad information are apparently exceptions to the law along with businesses you currently have or have had a relationship with and politicians or political action groups that 99.999993% of the population don't want to have any kind of relationship with, but they can and will still call you in the middle of dinner.
"Hello. Please vote for John Cobb for Mayor on Tuesday."
I just want these people to stop calling me. If this ACA is a legitimate business, then it is run by a bunch of nimrods. But I'm still suspicious that it is some kind of a scam, using automated phone technology to prey on those gullible and senile.
I have no proof that this is the case, just a nagging feeling that no company can be staffed with this many incompetents and still pay their bills.
But I did notice a funny thing the other day, after 2 years of fielding calls and messages for "John Cobb."
If you transpose the first letters of his name you get the phonetic-equivalent to "con job."
I guess that could just be a coincidence.
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