- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
Men & Their Man-Caves Need Their Own Potpourri
I was talking with my co-worker Mike last week and asked him what his plans were for Thanksgiving. He told me he was planning on cooking a turkey for himself and his four-year old daughter. He confessed that while he loves turkey, what he really loves most is the smell of the cooking bird.
As he succinctly put it, he wanted his place to "stink of turkey."
My inner-marketer immediately saw dollar signs. While there are hundreds of ways to make a room "smell better," they tend to all target the olfactory preferences of women, not men. These room deodorizers often claim to smell like lavender or rosemary or roses or various other kinds of perfumy smells that primarily appeal to the ladies.
But to guys, not so much.
Occasionally, when I'm shopping with my wife she might pause in the potpourri section -- by the way, potpourri is a French word that means 'smelly stuff that women adore' -- pull a bag from the shelf and shove it under my nose.
"What do you think?" she'll ask me.
"I dunno, It's Ok. Kind of smells like vanilla."
"No dummy. It's called Ocean Water. Can't you smell it?"
She will then re-shove the bag under my nose and of course, I will then agree that of course it smells just like the ocean and a day on the beach even though it still really just smells like vanilla to me. Agreeing saves time, and frankly I don't have the highly developed sense of smell that my wife has.
But there are smells that men love that most women do not particularly care for and that is what my inner-marketer honed-in on while talking with my co-worker.
What we need are room deodorizers just for men. No rosemary. No lavender. No names like Ocean Water that smell like vanilla. We need manly scents made just for men and their man-caves with names that men can clearly identify with and understand.
That's why Irony Of It All Industries is pleased to announce the creation of a new line of room fragrances designed just for men. Man-Smells From I.O.I.A.I. is proud to offer the following room scents.
Gym. A mixture that reminds you of an hour-long game of pick-up basketball, Speedstick, sweat-soaked jock-straps, musty locker-room showers, beer belches and farts.
Garage. A pungent combination of exhaust, gasoline, a touch of brake fluid, GOJO hand cleaner, beer belches and farts.
Shed. A medley of oak saw dust, stain, polyurethane, latex paint, beer belches and farts.
Bar. A blend of stale cigarette and cigar smoke, 2-year-old deep-fryer grease, a hint of cheap cologne, beer belches, farts and beer farts.
Turkey Day. Since all men love Thanksgiving, this fragrance would feature roast turkey right out of oven, hot apple cobbler, cider bubbling on the stove, hickory smoke and beer belches.
And of course farts. They're essential.
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