Authorities Shouldn't Waffle Around With Eggo Shortage

Dear Barack Obama and Rush Limbaugh,

I'm writing you both because there is an issue of the utmost national importance and I felt it was wise to inform both the President of the United States and the Leader of the Free World at the same time. I know you two don't see eye-to-eye on very many things, but this is not a time for bipartisan bickering. The future of our nation hangs in the balance.

I'm not going to syrup-coat this problem. There is a shortage of Eggo frozen waffles that the Kellogg company says may last until next summer!

The firm claims that two of the four plants which make the delicious food -- and I might add is absolutely perfect for any meal of the day, not just breakfast -- have had significant interruptions to their production lines.

While the one plant is supposedly back to full operation, the Associated Press reports that several production lines at Kellogg's largest bakery in Rossville, Tennessee are "closed indefinitely for repairs."

If these shortages last until next summer it would be devastating to the American economy, resulting in a chain reaction that will ravage our way of life. I believe it will make the financial failures of the past year pale in comparison.

Eggo Waffle shortages of any extended length and of this magnitude are bound to cripple related food industries. Maple syrup and boysenberry makers are sure to be goners. Thousands of Waffle House restaurants will probably go out of business. Jimmy Dean and all the other pork product producers will likely not be able to overcome an extended Eggo shortage.

And if the fried chicken businesses start folding then God help us all, because they'll take down the mashed-potatoes manufactures and then the coleslaw and corn-on-the-cob corporations and so on and so forth in a disastrous domino-effect the likes of which this country has never seen!

This Eggo shortage is nothing short of a national emergency and the Federal Government and talk radio needs to join together in this time of need and get this problem resolved before it's too late. We don't have time for Congressional hearings or Committee meetings. We must act now before it is too late!

The country needs to throw every resource it has available to get the Kellogg's plant in Tennessee back to 100% capacity as soon as possible. I don't know if this is going to require sending in the militia or nationalizing the Eggo industry, but this crisis needs to be resolved now while there is still time.

This is not something we -- the American people -- can do by ourselves. Have either of you ever tried to make your own Eggo Waffles from scratch? It's not fun. I've both tried and failed. I also had to buy a new toaster when I shorted out our old one pouring batter into it.

The federal government and talk radio needs to act now before this shortage reaches a flash point. This country doesn't need another Bear Stearns or Lehman Brothers. We can't afford any more political missteps when it comes to our economy. We don't need Eggo on our face.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Citizen