- Cape Rolling Out Bloomfield Road Art Trail (8/21/19)1
- Donors Pledge Almost Two Grand To Replace SEMO's Possibly Sentient ‘Gum Tree' (8/16/18)
- SEMO and The Will To (Become A Consultant) – Part 2 (6/14/18)
- SEMO and The Will To Do (You Really Want To See That Legal Notice?) – Part 1 (6/4/18)
- Judge, Jury... Trashman (6/1/18)
- Diary of Cape Girardeau Road Deconstruction (5/11/18)
- Trying To Save A Tree From City “Improvements” (4/30/18)2
I'm Starting To Hate My Bank
I'm starting to hate my bank.
My wife and I use Bank of America and have for years. We've been with Centerre who was bought out by Boatmen's who was then bought out by NationsBank and finally by Bank of America. In short, we're pretty loyal customers.
I don't particularly want to hate my bank. Years ago, when I first opened my account, my bank had a number of local branches and ATMs, but thru the various mergers and acquisitions, they've been slowly whittling them away, like chairs being pulled during a cakewalk.
BofA is currently down to one branch in Cape and -- according to their website -- two ATMs. I was shocked when I read that. BofA had another ATM besides the one at their lone branch on William?
The website directions and map to the second mystery ATM were a little vague, but I finally figured out that it is inside the mall, right in front of the main entrance. I never go in that way so that explains why I had no idea it was even there.
I know my wife and I could switch to another bank. There are numerous other financial institutions that we could consider who have as many -- if not more -- local branches and ATMs.
However, none are closer to my house than BofA and it would be a major hassle to relocate our loans. So, for the moment, I will resign myself to just complaining. Perhaps, the powers-that-be who make these decisions at BofA will someday get a clue, but I doubt if. I'm sure they don't live around here. Decisions of that kind likely originate from their headquarters in Charlotte, North Carolina.
To them, Cape is just another location on a great big spreadsheet with X number of accounts representing Y number of deposits and therefore only worthy of Z number of ATMs and branches. It's not personal, it's just business.
And while I understand the likely reasoning behind the branch and ATM attrition in our market, nobody says I have to like it. Frankly, BofA is starting to try my loyalty and patience. Sometimes you just don't have 20 minutes to wait in line at an ATM, and I loathe to use one of their competitor's machines and be slapped with a service fee.
It occurred to me that perhaps BofA is deliberately trying to annoy its customers so much that we will stop using their precious little ATMs. ATMs are an expense, you know. They're just like any complicated system, they break down and those repair guys are not cheap.
So it would be good for BofA's bottom line if less people used their ATMs and withdrew cash from their accounts by using their debit card at the grocery store. I guess that is what my wife and I are going to start doing. Whenever we check out at Schnucks or Wal-Mart, we'll get an extra twenty dollars.
Since, BofA is down to just one branch and two ATMs in the city of Cape, I think they should consider providing their customers with a little entertainment as we wile away our time waiting in line to use their services.
I think they should borrow the old advertising technique used by the Burma-Shave Company during the mid-twentieth century. Burma-Shave would have a series of 5 or 6 roadside signs that motorists could watch for as they were driving. Each sign related back to the previous one and they often rhymed.
An example of a Burma-Shave Advertisement from Wikipedia. |
Here are a couple of their roadside jingles from Wikipedia:
Your shaving brush / Has had its day / So why not / Shave the modern way / With / Burma-Shave
and
Shaving brushes / You'll soon see 'em / On the shelf / In some / Museum / Burma-Shave
Since this long-lived ad campaign was retired in 1963 when the Burma-Shave Company was sold to Phillip Morris, I figure that it's kind of up for grabs and that Bank Of America is free to use it wherever they have backed up drive-thrus and ATMs.
Here are a few suggestions they are free to use:
No one / Ever Said / An ATM / Meant / Faster Banking / BofA
I like that one, since it doesn't dance around the message and tells the customer that this is the way it is, so suck it up. Sometimes the customer just needs to be told that. However, I prefer the ones that rhyme. How about
Need Some Cash? / This Is The Line / Just 10 More Minutes / You'll Be Just Fine / BofA
Or what do you think of
Good News / And Give Thanks / While You've Been In This Line / We Bought Two More Banks / BofA
Or this one
Customers Go / And Customers Come / You've Been In This Line / For An Hour? / Gee, You're Dumb. / BofA
Or my personal favorite
Your House In Default? / Please Don't Pout / Maybe You Too / Can Get / A Federal Bailout / BofA
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