A Sign Of The Times
Loopholes Make This Country Great

After returning from vacation last week, I was driving west on William when I came upon a double-decker bus parked in the Town Plaza parallel to the street. Needless to say, that's kind of an odd vehicle to see in Southeast Missouri. Most buses in these parts are primarily single-decker and yellow with some kind of a nuclear-powered light constantly flashing on the rear of their roof that makes them virtually impossible to miss. But here was a double-decker bus very similar to one I rode in London during a trip there a few years ago. As I drove by the vehicle, I saw that it was painted up to advertise the Pink Galleon, a business located in the Town Plaza. One would think that a bus approximately 20 feet long and two stories tall with a paint job to advertise a business would violate some kind of a local zoning ordinance, but it doesn't or at least in my opinion, one that is enforceable. It's things like this that I think make our country great. Every time a law is created, some American figures out a way to circumvent it. If we citizens don't like a particular law or ordinance, then we find a way around it. Loopholes they're often called. Sometimes there are good loopholes and sometimes there are bad loopholes. It all depends of course on your given perspective to a specific law. When loopholes are discussed by the media, you will often hear them referred to as "violating the spirit of the law." They never seem to point out that the politicians who crafted the legislation in the first place were sloppy when they wrote it, that they weren't thinking like their constituents, like true Americans who will not let some measly little ordinance get in the way of what they want to do. Take for instance the Cape Girardeau city regulations pertaining to signage. It went through a massive overhaul back in 2006. The city has more than 10 pages of ordinances regulating where signs may be used, how big those signs may be and the type of signs that are allowed. Even garage sale signs are covered. The rules pertaining to business signage are rather interesting. How big a business' sign may be is dictated by how much linear road frontage a given business has, up to a point. For instance, the Town Plaza is located in Zoning District C-2. According to the ordinances available online, businesses located in C-2 may have 1 square foot of sign per 1 linear foot of road frontage up to a given maximum size. That regulation seems to squash the signage needs of a business like the Pink Galleon. They face the Town Plaza parking lot road and not William Street. Technically, they have no road frontage. They have parking lot frontage. That kind of ordinance severely limits a business trying to make a go at it during a pretty depressed economy if you ask me. But then the owners of the Pink Galleon conjured up a 20-foot-long, two story bus to promote their business right by busy William Street. That's what I call inspired marketing. Oh sure, some might say it technically violates the part in the signage ordinance that specifically prohibits "any sign attached to or placed on a vehicle or trailer parked on public or private property." But the city does provide for exceptions and this is why loopholes are great. One exception for vehicular advertising is that "the primary purpose of such vehicle or trailer is not the display of signs." The key word there is "primary." Unless you happen to be a professional long-haul truck driver or a rural-route mailman, most vehicles sit parked somewhere most of the time. For instance, on a typical week, I might drive my truck a couple hours. That means it is PRIMARILY parked at work or at my house. That's its primary job. To be parked, somewhere. Granted, I don't have any advertising painted on my Mazda, but as long as the Pink Galleon does a lap around the Town Plaza parking lot with their two-story billboard every so often, I don't think the city can complain. But don't think, the Pink Galleon is the only local business with vehicular advertising that is flirting with the "spirit" of this ordinance. For years, Eye Care Specialists has strategically parked their nicely painted box truck out by the curb on Mount Auburn when they're not transporting equipment to their other locations. Looks like a mobile billboard to me.

And just off of William Street on Louis Street you will often see vans with promotional paint jobs for The Pink Pony and Designated Driver. The Designated Driver vehicles are somewhat subdued, but it's hard to miss the van for The Pony. Talk about a paint job. I would bet that those vehicles are used as shuttles for only a couple hours a day on average. And the rest of the time they're doing double-duty by one of the busier streets in Cape. Multitasking you could call it. Advertising and parking at the same time. I think all of these businesses are trailblazers. These ordinance outlaws don't allow a nit-picky city code get in their way of promotional needs. As a matter of fact, they've inspired me. I've been wanting to do some promotions for this blog, but wasn't sure about the best course of action. I considered approaching upper-management here at the paper and adding a sign to the exterior of the building. However, this business also has to follow the same signage ordinances as everyone else, and we are located in a historic building that further complicates matters. My wife also nixed me playing copy-cat and painting my truck up as a mobile advertisement. And to be honest a short-bed pickup is not much of a canvas. But then while trolling through eBay I found the perfect solution: old weather-balloons. A little paint, a lot of helium and a strong tether to the top of the Missourian building and Presto! I have my advertising. But if anyone asks, the promotional signage is all just secondary. The primary purpose of my weather balloons is to collect weather information, of course. No crime there. Or at least that's my loophole and I'm sticking to it.