Fixing the World - Part 1
Stop Mowing The Roadsides

While visiting my parents on Father's Day, I had an hour drive to mull over the problems of the world.

So as I sped my regulation speed-limit-plus-9 northward, I mulled and kept my eyes open for any Missouri State Highway Patrol running radar. I've noticed that troopers seem to target people driving at least 10 miles over the speed limit, but you can't be too careful.

So, there I was, speeding and mulling. Oh sure, I know I didn't have to mull about these things. After all, there are people elected to do this kind of work, but they're often tainted by the greasiness of the entire political process. They can't make the hard decisions about the world because it might tick-off someone who donated money to their campaign or did them a favor at some point in the past.

Well, since no one has ever donated any money or gifts of any kind whatsoever to this blog, you can consider me taint-free and eminently qualified to assess world problems and decide how to fix them.

For the first installment in this 13,389 part series, I decided to start small.

Since I was driving north on I-55, MODOT came to mind. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not pickin' on poor little MODOT just because I like to push them around. Our Department of Transportation just happens to be one of the more visible departments of ours or any state government. Because they're so visible, their problems are equally lucid.

The problem I noticed is not necessarily considered a problem by most. Heck, it wasn't even considered a problem by me until the economy royally tanked last year and Jay Nixon recently started contemplating any and all options for balancing the state-budget including taking out a reverse mortgage on the Governor's Mansion.

It's apparent that we Missourian's need to cut costs wherever possible. So if we need to make cuts, why not start with a literal cutting process.

Yes, I'm talking about mowing the highway medians. Let's stop doing it.

It's not as if the MODOT mows all that frequent or all that well. I'm guessing they mow three or four times a year in this part of Missouri. I can tell you if MODOT lived next to me and only mowed their lawn three or four times a year, I would have the City nuisance officer on speed dial.

But we're not talking about the city. We're talking the state-maintained roadside. And since they mow as infrequently as they do, I say, why mow at all? The state could save buckets of money if they stopped trying to maintain the roadsides.

I see plenty of saving from this initiative. Gobs of fuel, for starters. How much diesel do you think all those tractors gobble up on an annual basis? And we don't need "Roadside Mowing Specialist I" or "Roadside Mowing Specialist II," if we're not mowing.

We could even boost the state's coffers by selling our old mowers to Illinois. IDOT never seems to suffer from financial problems. I think they even have a position called "Roadkill Spotter." Honest.

If Missouri's roadsides need mowing let's leave it up to Mother Nature to decide. The occasional lightning strike or butt from a careless smoker would burn off the hairy medians often enough. And as a bonus, the wild vegetation would hide all the trash. No need for those adopt-a-highway people anymore and their expensive signs. My opinion is, if you can't see the trash, then it must not be there.

Missouri would also become the darling of the environmental community. While we're actually just being thrifty by not mowing our highway medians, we could promote to everyone else that our state strong believes in increasing wetlands, drylands and any other lands that might be considered habitats to critters big and small.

Our long-haired roadsides and medians would turn into de facto zoos for all the flora and fauna that finds our climate attractive. Rabbits, skunks, possums and likely even bigger game like deer would gravitate to the wild and wooly areas that line our roads.

Maybe we could even seed the Roadside Wild Life Areas with some bison. This wouldn't save the state any money, but it would make the roads safer. If speeders knew that there was a chance that a herd of buffalo might be crossing I-55 around the next bend, I guarantee they would slow way down.

I know I would.

I might only go 5 miles over the speed limit.