Dentistry 101:
Don't Clean Your Teeth With A Pressure-Washer

I went to the dentist a couple weeks ago for my 6-month cleaning.

That sounds rather disgusting, doesn't it? It would almost give one the impression that I never brush my teeth and have to go to the dentist to have the grime chiseled off with a power-washer twice a year.

Heck, if that were really the case, I could save myself a few bucks and do-it-myself at one of the local carwashes.

I'm not sure how I would point the pressure hose nozzle in my mouth and pull the trigger at the same time. I might have to rig up something or recruit a friend… if I were being serious.

Kids, don't try that. Using a pressure washer to clean your teeth instead of brushing or going to the dentist is a JOKE. I don't want to see a video of someone attempting this on You-Tube, although if Johnny Knoxville and his "Jackass" crew want to go ahead and try it, that's their business. After all, they are professionals. Professional morons, but still they are professionals.

So as I started to say, I went to the dentist for my 6-month cleaning.

While in the waiting room, I noticed that alongside the stack of recent magazines was a copy of the Bible. I thought this was interesting. Perhaps, some people feel the need to pray before they see the dentist.

Hopefully, my dentist isn't suggesting that his patients might want to brush up on a chapter or two before he sees them "cause you never know when a catastrophic tooth polishing accident might occur and you want to be right by the Lord."

He and his staff have always struck me as being supremely competent so I really hope that is not the case.

Although, if a catastrophic dental accident would occur, it would probably involve that horribly tasting tooth polish.

Granted, it's not nearly as bad as it was when I was a child. My current dentist uses "cinnamon" that sort of tastes like the spice if you mixed it with metallic shavings. The polishes I remember from my youth were always named "grape" or "cherry," but never tasted like anything that remotely resembled a grape or a cherry.

I guess the Marketing Department at ACME Tooth Polish, Inc. decided that naming their products Grape or Cherry was better for business than using Poo Polish, which is exactly what it tasted like back then.

I really wish the companies that make dental tooth polish would work with someone like My Daddy's Cheesecake and come up with some better flavors. How about Gooey Butter Cake Polish or Chocolate Meringue Pie Polish?

Heck, if I had flavors like that to look forward to, I would get my teeth professionally cleaned more than twice a year. I bet dentists who used flavors like that would do booming business even in the current recession.

Speaking of the recession, I was going to ask my dentist if the economy was affecting his business.

Perhaps, people were coming in for cleanings, but asking the hygienist to only clean the top teeth to save a little money and in six months they'd come back and have the bottom set cleaned. Or maybe they would just have their front teeth cleaned, because everyone knows they're used more than the back teeth.

I thought about it for minute, but didn't bother to ask him since it was probably a foregone conclusion.

Anyone who would consider asking their dentist for something like that, probably never bothers to get their teeth cleaned professionally.

They take care of it themselves when they're at the car wash.