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The Irony Of It All
Brad Hollerbach
Brad Hollerbach is the Director of Information Technology for the Southeast Missourian. His opinions are his own and do not reflect those of the newspaper or its editorial board. He writes this blog primarily for his own amusement and to parody the absurdities of the world we live in. He lives with his wife and two cats that don't really care for one another in Cape.
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Adolph Hitler Campbell?

Proof That People Should Be
Tested Before Having Kids.

Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2008, at 10:28 AM

There was a story in the news this week about a New Jersey couple who were trying to get their 3-year-old son's full name put on a birthday cake and the grocery store refused.

The child's name?

Adolph Hitler Campbell.

Do we need any further proof that there should be some kind of test before people can be allowed to have a child?

Some people - and I think the parents of this boy would qualify - apparently give more thought into buying a flat screen TV than they do over naming their own kids. I can only imagine how this naming choice came about.

March 2005: The future "parents" in the Wal-Mart electronics department.

He: This is a mighty tough decision. Should we go with the LCD or the plasma TV?

She: Well I like the 50 inch one, over there. It's got a good picture.

He: I like it too honey, but I don't know if we have room for it in the double-wide.

She: If you moved the Kegerator you'd have room.

He: If I told you once, I told you at least a dozen time, I am not moving the Kegerator. I can't watch football without my Kegerator. I'll move it, as soon as you move the karaoke machine.

She: The karaoke machine has to be in the living room, you know that.

He: Yeah, I know. You like to watch Celine Dion while you sing along. You might as well forget it, honey. You are never gonna get on American Idol.

She: Well, at least I have dream.

He: I do too have a dream! And one of these days my system for playing PowerBall is going to payoff big time and then you're gonna be sorry you said that. Anyhow, enough arguing. This TV purchase is too important. I think I know what will work. Why don't we sit the plasma TV on top of the Kegerator? We can lean it up against the wall. That way I don't need to move the Kegerator and we don't have to spend money on some expensive mounting bracket.

She: Oh honey, you're just so smart! And I know your Powerball system is going to hit one of these days. You know, getting a new TV and all is making me feel kind of frisky. Let's go home and make another baby.

He: Don't have to ask me twice. Let's get the TV and go. Say, if it's a boy baby, let's name him Adolph Hitler.

She: Well, if it's a girl I want to name her Celine. Who's Adolph Hitler?

He: I dunno. Some guy I saw on a war show on the History Channel. He had a cool mustache.

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  • I wonder how much of what is presumably parental ignorance results from the knee-jerk tendency of politicians and cable news to compare *anyone* with the slightest tinge of repugnance to the essence of evil that was Adolf Hitler?

    Seems that anyone who smacks of evil is immediately compared to the catalyst of tens of millions of deaths. Often times the comparison seems to be intended to ward off criticism of potential military action.

    I find it especially grotesque to hear any American political leaders - especially President Bush or the president-elect - compared to Hitler.

    I can only imagine that this kid's younger brother, Pol Pot Campbell, feels overlooked all the time.

    -- Posted by ChickHafey on Thu, Dec 18, 2008, at 10:15 AM

  • My favorite line: "If I told you once, I told you at least a dozen time, I am not moving the Kegerator."

    -- Posted by Katherine_W on Thu, Dec 18, 2008, at 5:21 PM

  • Little known fact is that moving the Kegerator, would jostle the beer.

    Most beer drinkers know that, beer doth not like to be jostled.

    Thanks for reading.

    -- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Thu, Dec 18, 2008, at 5:35 PM

  • You can put a keg in the house?

    -- Posted by Hugh M Bean on Mon, Jan 5, 2009, at 11:36 AM

  • Yes, you can keep a keg in your home.

    Kegerator is probably one of the better known brand names and is available at Sam's Club. Krups also makes a beer dispenser for Heineken baby kegs, but I really don't picture the Campbell's as being Heineken drinkers. Perhaps, Stag or Old Milwaukee.

    Thanks for reading.

    -- Posted by Brad_Hollerbach on Mon, Jan 5, 2009, at 1:39 PM

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