One becomes an author only after being introduced as one. There's no diploma for such a thing. It's not like becoming a doctor, or an electrician, or even a pilot. There's no exam after which there's a proclamation extolling one as an author. Getting introduced as an author is hard work but it's a title that deserves a pipe and expensive tobacco.

To prove the point, ask any author when they find time to write. Some will give you a lecture on how one doesn't find or make time, and then never get around to telling you when they write. Some will tell you about a special inspirational spot they have and how creative thoughts flow endlessly while there. Some will tell the truth.

The truth is, most authors can't choose when a creative thought races around clogging up their synapses, it just happens. Symptoms of this include blank stares, running off the side of the road, fumbling for a notepad, and returning home from the grocery store after leaving the groceries sitting on the counter at the store. That's odd behavior by anyone's measure.

Many write in hopes of becoming an author, there's a difference. A baseball, bat, and glove do not a ball player make, a pen and pencil does not an author make. Baseball players must first hone their skills then suffer through the ridicule of well-meaning coaches. Then one day someone, usually a sympathetic relative calls them a ball player. This usually precedes a trip to DQ.

Writers, likewise, must first hone their skills, and then suffer the torturous ridicule of a cruel editor. There are no sympathetic relatives, before being proclaimed an author, relatives send the reclusive writer URLs of links to articles on depression.

Finally, the writer is declared an author, usually as a speaker at a civic organization. Unfortunately, telling a writer that they're an author only makes matters worse. Now that society has declared them an author, they have good reason to blank out, spend hours staring at an empty Big Chief notebook, and wearing socks that don't match. And worse of all, there's no celebratory trip to DQ, just an admonition to mow the yard, now that the book is finished.

Yes, authors are odd, but writers are worse. They have no title.