I have been married for 26 years to Jim and am the mother of 4 children: Brian 23 years, Melissa 21 years, Rachel 17 years, Michael 14 years and the mother-in-law of Jena, who is married to Brian. Fourteen years ago my son, Michael, was born with special needs and turned our lives upside down. We worked hard to find our new rhythm (cadence) as a family and went through a time of questioning our faith and God. I have found God to be faithful and good as we have embraced this new cadence and rhythm of our lives. This blog includes reflections and lessons about my own life, especially pertaining to life with my son with special needs, that hopefully will encourage other parents or people to live with hope even when life doesn't look like you thought it would.

Surrender

Posted Wednesday, July 29, 2009, at 4:44 PM

Years ago my grandmother got too feeble to live by herself, so she moved in with my parents. When I would go visit my parents, I would watch her putter around the house with her walker and grow more feeble and forgetful as the years passed. It got to a point where she couldn't hear the TV well enough to watch it anymore, couldn't see well enough to read and had lost too many friends and family to have visitors.

On one of those visits I wondered why God would leave someone on earth after the point that they were ready to go, after most of their loved ones had gone before them and when they were in so much pain. One night I walked by her room and saw my 4 year old, Rachel, sitting on the side of Grandmother's bed, tucking her in and talking to her. God whispered to my heart, "That's why."

My friend Wendy just got diagnosed with a tumor on the lining of her brain. She's one of the most selfless and loving people I know. She has truly given God control of her life. She told me that she is expecting to see "fireworks" from God through all of this. She expects Him to use her life, even in her most feeble moments.

My family was blessed to have been able to love our grandmother in her old age.

Our church family will now be blessed to be able to step up and care for Wendy and her family as they go through these difficult months of surgery and recovery and the unknown. It reminds me that each of our lives is about more than just a solitary life. We are intertwined, God uses one life to touch and teach another.

When we tell God that He can use us, we expect Him to give us a task, to show us where to serve. Sometimes though we tell Him that our life belongs to Him and He allows us to become the task. It's much easier when God lets me stay the strong one, sends me to care for and love hurting, sick or broken people. But what about the times that He takes my life and uses it to teach others to care for and love one in need? What about when I become the broken and needy one? Am I really willing for Him to use my life however HE sees fit and in whatever way will bring Him the most glory?

To trust Him in that place is real and selfless faith!

My grandmother and Wendy have taught me more than they will ever know.

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I was excited to see that you have a blog! I read your article in "Christianty Today" several years ago. I remember how you shared the fact that your other children are much more loving and compassionate people because they have Michael for a brother and what a sad situation the world will be when we let science rid our society of the less than perfect babies before they are even born. It was such a well-written and insightful article, and I'm so glad you have chosen to share your thoughts with others in this format.

The more discussion there is about the realities of having a child with special needs, the less fearful parents will be to bring such a child into the world. My aunt and I both subscribe to the Christianity Today, and I must acknowledge that she noticed the article first, which is probably because she is the one with the special needs child and not me. We're twelve years apart but have had children at the same time, and her oldest has autism. It's been amazing to watch the growth in my aunt as she developed a depth in herself that only the challenges she faced and the God who walked beside her could have orchestrated, as I'm sure you can very well identify with.

Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more!

-- Posted by my_thoughts on Wed, Jul 29, 2009, at 11:07 PM
Thank you so much for that encouragement.

I can completely identify with your aunt's growth through loving and caring for her child with special needs. It really is amazing how the people who love a child like that change and experienc an intimacy with God that they have not known before. I can not only see the impact my son has had on myself, my husband and my kids, but also on his cousins, aunts, uncles and close friends. It bothers me to hear people say that these sweet kids are not contributing anything to society because they are contributing way more than anyone can imagine as they teach us how to love and depend on Christ!

Thanks so much for your comments...it's good to know that someone is logging on!!

Angela

-- Posted by angela.beise on Thu, Jul 30, 2009, at 11:58 AM

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