Speak Out: Funny Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Replies (8)

• Maybe this should go under that thread about sooner or later we fail:

  Our society is doomed..............

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00

  I said "May I have large bills, please"

  She looked at me and said "I'm sorry sir, all the bills are the same size."

  When I got up off the floor I explained it to her....

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it's open!' His reply: 'I know. I already got that side.'

  This was at the Ford dealership in Canton,MS

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  We had to have the garage door repaired.

  The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener.

  I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.

  He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

  He said, 'NO, it's not..' Four is larger than two.'

  We haven't used Sears repair since.

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill.

  Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.

  She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.

  She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request.

  I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.'

  The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

  Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

  IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE

  My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco.

  She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'

  He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

  From Kansas City

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,

  'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'

  To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'

  He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'

  Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.

  I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.

  She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.

  I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.

  Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

  She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to 'downsizing,'

  our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.'

  Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

  This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself

  and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

  A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

  IDIOT SIGHTING

  How would you pronounce this child's name?

  "Le-a"

  Leah?? NO

  Lee - A?? NOPE

  Lay - a?? NO

  Lei?? Guess Again.

  This child attends a school in Kansas City, Mo.

  Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.

  It's pronounced "Ledasha".

  When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, "the dash don't be silent."

  SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.

  If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don't be silent.

  STAY ALERT!

  They walk among us......and they VOTE.

  =

  -- Posted by rocknroll on Tue, Aug 20, 2013, at 1:26 PM

• Ah, sweet love!!!!

  A middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.

  The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was

  out of the house having coffee with a friend.

  She texted:

  If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.

  If you are laughing, send me your smile.

  If you are eating, send me a bite.

  If you are drinking, send me a sip.

  If you are crying, send me your tears.

  I love you.

  The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

  I'm on the toilet. Please advise.

  (Brings a tear to the eye, doesn't it?)

  -- Posted by rocknroll on Tue, Aug 20, 2013, at 9:16 PM

• Subject: Fwd: DID YOU KNOW?

  The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

  Here's a little fact for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.

  The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

  The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

  Henry was curious and invited them into his office.

  They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

  They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately.

  The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.

  The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed.

  Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti-Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

  They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown.

  And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.

  -- Posted by rocknroll on Sat, Aug 24, 2013, at 5:38 PM

• Rock,

  I think that is meant to be just a funny, and a good one, but the first automobile A/C (refrigerated) was installed in a 39 Packard.... if I remember correctly. (I checked and I did remember). In 1940 Packard was the first and only automobile company to offer factory installed refrigerated air conditioning on it's automobiles. Cadillac followed in 1941.

  -- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Sat, Aug 24, 2013, at 6:08 PM

• Wheels, Years back I saw a car in a museum with an air conditioner that took up all the space in the trunk and was displayed as the first.

  -- Posted by Old John on Sat, Aug 24, 2013, at 11:46 PM

• Old John,

  Taking up all of the space in the trunk is how they described the first one installed on a 39 Packard. I suspect that was what it was.

  Still got my version of Modern Refrigeration that I had to purchase to attend refrigeration and air conditioning classes at Rankin Trade School and it has a paragraph or three on that historical event. Thank God for calculators and computers.... I never did master that slide rule that also was a required tool at that time. Think I still have that thing as well.... somewhere.

  -- Posted by Have_Wheels_Will_Travel on Sun, Aug 25, 2013, at 12:00 AM

• Marriage is like a deck of cards In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

  Later you wish you had a club and a spade.

  -- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Sun, Aug 25, 2013, at 2:14 AM

• A man was walking through Beverly Hills selling

  door to door what he claimed to be the "Magic Elixir of Life".

  Of course the police arrested him, ran a computer check of him, and discovered he had been pulling this same scam since 1660.

  -- Posted by We Regret To Inform U on Sun, Aug 25, 2013, at 2:15 AM